Things I Should Tell My Kids

06/19/2015 07:02 pm ET | Updated Jun 19, 2016

There's so many things I'd want to tell my kids if I could just sit them down and talk with them... if I told my kids everything I ever wanted to tell them all at once. Well, they'd never ever sit still long enough -- and truthfully neither would I. On this Father's Day weekend, I decided to write it down, to start the list anyway, in hopes that someday they will read it.

You really CAN be most anything you want to be in life, but it requires passion and sacrifice and hard work... nothing will be given to you for free.

Do what makes you happy. A good boss once told me you better love what you do, because life's too short if you don't.

There is nothing better than warm underwear right out of the dryer.

Boxers. Not briefs... at least for me.

Be caring to other people. It sounds easy enough, but so often we forget the simplest things... wounds last for years and words can't be undone.

Unplug. it's been the hardest lesson for me as an adult and one that I fail repeatedly -- it will be even harder for you as social media evolves -- but unplug (after you read this).

Sometimes bad things happen... they just do... but the sun will always rise in the morning and things will eventually get better.

Walk down the street and just stop, close your eyes, and breathe in once in a while.

Get fresh bread that's still warm from the bakery and just bury your face in it once.

Flip the pillow to the cool side for the best sleep.

Don't be afraid to eat the kids' meal at fancy functions. Chicken nuggets and hot dogs trump rubber hotel chicken most any day.

When you find the love of your life, you'll know it... make sure they know it too.

Hiring a violinist when you're going to propose can be a big hit. I speak from experience.

Don't ever throw out your entire collection of Star Wars action figures when you go through a phase thinking they're totally uncool (hypothetically).

Baseball cards used to come with sticks of gum inside... don't try and eat the gum after 25 years of the baseball cards sitting in storage (hypothetically).

Someone always has more and better and bigger -- it's a hamster wheel you can never compete with, so why bother trying?

Regular Oreos and peanut M&M's will always be best.

A sleeve of Thin Mints should count as a single serving.

Couples share everything -- but razors and toothbrushes are deal breakers.

Don't trust someone who says "trust me."

Enjoy all your hair while you have it... I'm already missing mine.

Socks will always go into the wash in pairs... and then one will inevitably disappear.

"Stairway To Heaven" was always an awkward slow song to dance to because it gets all fast at the end.

Don't ever let your kids take total control of the car radio.

Don't ever drink and drive. Just don't. It's stupid.

Don't ever let friends tell you what to do. Be your own person.

If someone ever lays a hand on you and then says they love you, they are lying and they are abusers. They need to be kicked to the curb.

Magazine covers are airbrushed. Don't be jealous.

Remember you are always beautiful inside and out and don't waste your time on anyone who thinks otherwise.

Family is everything... everything.

Listen to your parents.. for the love of god, listen to us.

You will be sisters for a lifetime. Don't you forget it.

I'll be your dad forever, wherever we are, however life's story unfolds.
I'll be your dad forever and don't you forget it.


Find me in the new Dads Behaving Dadly 2, now at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

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