By John McKnight
I was born in 1931 during the Great Depression. We lived in a working class neighborhood in Cincinnati with many country people who had migrated from the hills of Kentucky and Tennessee. Lots of men in my neighborhood were out of work. Many hadn't had a job in several years. In fact, the New Deal programs often didn't reach us until four or five years after Roosevelt was elected.
Next door to us lived a jobless family with three kids. They were from the Cumberland Valley in Kentucky. My Irish Catholic mother felt uneasy about our neighbor, because the kids wore raggedy clothes, seemed dirty most of the time and were often what she viewed as "out-of-hand." I'm sure she would have preferred that we lived in a neighborhood like the small Ohio town where she was raised, but we were lucky to be in Cincinnati because my dad had a job.
Almost every evening, my mother prepared a dinner for 10 people -- enough for the five of us and the five neighbors next door. She continued doing this until our neighbor finally got a job.
We also had an old car. Most of our neighbors didn't. When they needed to go somewhere important where you couldn't walk or take the streetcar, they asked my dad if he would drive them. He always made the time.
One day the father from next door told my dad that the Tennessee Valley Authority was building a dam that would flood his hometown and make it into a lake. He wanted to see his birthplace one last time, so my dad drove him down to the Cumberland Valley and took me along. I was about 8 years old, and this was my first long trip. The neighbor man sang country songs and told stories most of the way. That trip is still one of the most memorable events of my childhood -- my dad, our neighbor and me.
When I was in my thirties, and most Americans were doing pretty well, I asked my mother and father why they had made dinner and drove the car for the people next door. I thought they probably did it out of a sense of charity. I was wrong. Instead, they said, "Well, everyone was helping each other back then. We weren't any different. What would that family have done if we didn't give a hand? And besides, they were our neighbors."
I've done some reading about the Great Depression. There were millions of people out of work throughout the '30s. But millions survived because of help from kinfolk and the support of their neighbors. My dad, like lots of people back then, had a greeting, "Hi, neighbor." What he meant was, "We're in this boat together." He expected neighbors to help him if he was down and out.
What do you think would happen among our neighbors if millions of unemployed people ran out of unemployment compensation? Would we make dinner for them, drive them where they needed to go and help find them a job?
Across America, families are being decimated by foreclosures of their homes, and this usually happens because they have lost a job. Some of them live in our neighborhoods.
What do your neighbors do to support those families? Powerful neighbors in strong neighborhoods would say, "I don't know what that family would do if we don't give them a hand. Of course, we have to do it, because they are our neighbors."
John McKnight is emeritus professor of education and social policy and co-director of the Asset-Based Community Development Institute at Northwestern University. He is the co-author of "Building Communities from the Inside Out" and the author of "The Careless Society." He has been a community organizer and serves on the boards of several national organizations that support neighborhood development. Peter Block is founder of Designed Learning. They are coauthors of "The Abundant Community: Awakening the Power of Families and Neighborhoods" (Berrett-Koehler).
For more commentary from McKnight and Block visit their website www.AbundantCommunity.com
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Goodneighborstuff.com | The Official Website of Good Neighbor
Basics:
Take care of oneself. Get educated/ re-educated with changing skills needed in the workplace.
Be responsible for our first-degree relatives; and
Provide social support and care for second-degree relatives.
First degree: Children, parents, grandparents and siblings.
Second degree: Uncles, aunts, first-cousins, in-laws.
In surveys, about 90% of Americans want to die in the security, comfort and warmth of their own home; surrounded by family and friends. In reality, only 20% get their wishes (+/- hospice). About 45% die in hospitals and 35% die in nursing homes.
Reason: Uncaring Children!
Statistics would change dramatically if bills for non-medical care was paid by patient and/or children, instead of society as rising healthcare costs, taxes or federal debt to be paid by the grandchildren.
Third of total healthcare costs (2 Trillion dollars) is spent in caring for the last few months of life; and 20% treating preventable illnesses (quit smoking, diet, exercise and prevent obesity). The 'wasted' 1 Trillion dollars is added to cost of goods and services, given our employer-based healthcare insurance system.
Human civilizations flourished and progressed over 5000+ years all over the world. Prior to that, since humans evolved; and prior to that, in animal species; i.e. social duties and responsibilities are in our genes.
Over two generations, some Americans want improvement; with responsibility-free and mobile society; govt responsible for any short-comings and yet-to-be-born citizens paying the bills.
I think the problem is that many people have abused neighborliness, which gets worse when you have more people around (and the more temporary people are). If people burn their bridges with one family there are many others around, or just wait till the old one moves away.
A few neighbors who didn't even look at me for 2 years till they found I worked in upper management where they wanted to work, then they were constantly over to "be neighborly" and beg for a job. One person came over to borrow my car because hers broke down, it was the neighborly thing to do she said...except when I introduced myself she just stated "Yeah, whatever" and walked away.
The house I grew up in was in a neighborly neighborhood, people checked on each other, stopped in just to say hi, wandered over with a plate of baked goods now and then... it always made me a little bit uncomfortable, I never knew what was expected of me. Was I obligated to return the favor of baked goods, did I have to stop and talk to them every time I saw them? What did they want from me? As an adult those concerns always stuck with me and I've avoided the potential neuroses by simply keeping to myself and doing my own thing.
I've occasionally met a few neighbors, made friends if we had something in common, but otherwise... Nobody knows who I am.
I am the Founder of a website called Hey, Neighbor! that connects neighbors and gives them tools to help break down the social barriers that prevent some of this neighborliness from happening. One of the ways we're trying to address this is to use today's technology to make helping neighbors easier and more efficient. If you need a favor, you send out a message to many. You don't put anyone on the spot so it's easy to ask, and it's real-time and quick for someone nearby to help. We're also using social tools to break the ice and to soften the notion that "good fences make good neighbors."
I bought your book and forward to reading it!
I live in Northern Alabama, and didn't have power for 5 days last week due to the tornadoes. We just moved into our new house about a month ago, so we hadn't had a chance to meet neighbors. The woman who lives diagonal from our house came over and introduced herself and said they had started a community grill if we needed food. It was very sweet. My husband and I mentioned that we had extra ice if anyone needed it, but honestly, if she hadn't come over, we never would have said anything to anyone. She's probably in her 60s and said she was having fun with the power off because it was like the block parties she had in her neighborhoods growing up. It was sweet.
i don't think things changed much until the 80s. old neighborhoods were still intact up until then. between the great migration of the 70s and 80s, job hopping and the advent of cable tv/internet people have drifted apart from each other. it is a real shame. we moved out of the city/burbs into a small town to touch base with some of the old neighborly ways. it is a great way to live and great place for kids to learn the most important values for a happy life.
But then in my old neighborhood I lived next door to people who lived through the depression. They were so different in their attitudes regarding neighborliness now. It didn't take a natural disaster to bring them out to talk and socialize.
My partner and I do not have children but Halloween is a big deal in my neighborhood. In addition to having extra treats for the kids we know really well, we make dinner for a family so that mom and dad aren't stressed when they get home from work.
Small gestures can go a long way to cementing relationships with your neighbors. Gossip is combatted by being kind and generous.