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My Doctoral Thesis

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I've been following the problems of Dr. Terrence Carter in Connecticut with some interest. It seems that the Dr., one of Arne Duncan's Chicago superstars, might not have an actual PhD. Not even a super-easy PhD, but a PhD he just bought. Faked the whole thing. And he's not remotely alone in this.

How can somebody do that, I wondered. Seriously, how do you do that?

Turns out the answer is, "Very easily." Googling "get PhD online" turns up a ton of paid placements. Walden, Trident, Capella -- they are all jostling for the top of the google heap. But these still require the performance of some nominal classwork. That would be just tooooo haaaaardd. I want to be a school superintendent next week. Can I do better?

Sure can. Just halfway down the second page of results, I found these guys.

They are not particularly subtle or sneaky. "BUY A PHD" says the opening headline. "We are waiting for your order to buy a PhD from us." But let them explain further.

Although quite demanding, people would still prefer to reach for greater heights in terms of academic qualifications.  This is the reason why a doctorate is being offered to maximize the potential of an individual.  Being called a doctor even if you are not a medical doctor by degree is such music in the ears.  To buy a doctorate degree gives a level of competency.  Since it is the highest possible academic degree, you can explore a lot of opportunities if you have credentials that would prove a doctorate degree.

"To buy a doctorate degree gives a level of competency." Well, there you have it. Don't waste your time in classes. It's the degree itself that magically confers prowess on the person. Don't laugh too hard unless you can tell me that you don't know people with "real" doctorates that think the same way.

You can see why a place like this might appeal to someone like Dr. Terrence Carter.

If you buy a PhD you will achieve promotions at your workplace without having to write complex projects and attending classes that will ruin your family or work life.

Yeah, projects and classes that take time just suck.

They do require that you provide some information about work history and prior education (if any). And while the doctorate is their marquee degree-for-sale, these folks offer everything all the way from Associate Degrees up to Honorary Doctorates.

Prices? A Doctorate will run you $250. You can have a professorship for $290. The top-of-the-line honorary doctorate runs $400, while the associate's is a mere $150. You can also indicate how you got the degree -- online, part time, whatevs. This will "make your documents better."

You can get lots of fine extras. A transcript is $100 (don't forget to indicate what grades you want on it). You can also get up to three letters of recommendation from your professors (boy, do I wish I could see some of those professors' names), and graduation caps, gown and hood. If you're in a real hurry, you can opt for four day delivery by FedEx or DHL.

If you doubt the awesomeness, they do have a page of testimonials:

I am a teenage mom and after giving birth to my daughter, i never had time studying in college. I have wanted to become an accountant and land a stable job to support my child. When i got my diploma at expreesuniversitydegree.com oppertuinities for me flooded. My dilemma now is what job i should choose ?? Mommy Tine

It has always been my dream to earn a degree in Doctorate. I have searched for many sites only at expressuinversitydegree i become satisfied. the service is perfect, the degrees are accredited, and the documents are delivered on time. Sally Girbauch, Ph.D

I have enjoyed my previliges being a doctor ! I get the best sit in the plane, I get discounts in restrurants, I get the best promo in my travels. My Ph.D is such as wonder. Dr. Morgan Elenor, Ph.D  in Social Science

Are you beginning to suspect that we have some copywriters for whom English is not a primary language? And no -- no school superintendents offer testimonials.

There is some faith-based leaping involved here. The site would like all your credit card information, plus a piece of id (including a scanned copy). I suppose when you are buying fake credentials online, you must always consider the possibility that you are dealing with a university run by a Nigerian prince.

It's tempting. A doctorate would give me such clout and importance, and I, too, want the previlige of discounts at restrurants. But even at these prices, I can't really afford it. maybe a Kickstarter launch is in order, to con my loyal readers into making my dream come true. Maybe I should ask for some career advice from Dr. Terrence Carter, who appears to have plenty of free time in his future.

Cross-posted from Curmudgucation.