Time for Mitt Romney to Roll Up His Sleeves -- Wait, Not Like That!

It's the persistent mystery of the political season so far. What's been stopping steady-but-dull Mitt Romney from stepping up and sealing the deal? Some point to Romney's famous flip-flops. Some say he's just not enough of a "regular guy."

Critics, you can fold away those thoughts. Hang them up for good. It may seem odd for a guy who lived in Massachusetts and attended Stanford and Harvard, but here's Mitt Romney's problem in a nutshell: The man needs lessons in how to wear his wardrobe of fresh-pressed Oxford shirts. And he needs them now.

Though not a retailer or a tailor, I think I may be just the guy to help him. An Oxford-shirt nut even as a kid, I learned it from my Brooks Brothers-wearing grandfather and Harvard-grad, LIFE Magazine-editor dad.

Mr. Romney, here is my personal list of Oxford Shirt-Wearing Rules. Refer to them prior to dressing for a debate or stump speech:

• Fabric. Is it possible that those board-flat, optic-white Oxfords you've been sporting are part-polyester? I certainly hope not. Check the labels. You want to be viewed as a natural man -- am I right? Then cotton and only cotton is the fiber for you.

• Wrinkles. When it comes to Oxford shirts, wrinkles are a good thing. Some of yours look like they're permanent press. Have any been "Martinized"? A bit of creasing and rumpling can make it seem as if you're someone with character, with things on your mind that are more pressing than, well, pressing.

• Collar. This is a very simple rule. Want to appear starched? Then keep wearing those stiff, wing-like flaps without even a hint of a roll.

• Cuffs. I've noticed that, before pressing the flesh you like to roll those sleeves. That's fine. But then you compulsively square-off your Oxford cuffs. They look like masterworks of origami. If my dad taught me anything, it's this: An honest guy grabs his sleeve cuffs haphazardly and crumples them unthinkingly as he rolls. He's a man of action, and action men are not into Oxford Origami.

That's essentially it, Mr. Romney. Follow my Oxford Shirt Rules just as carefully as you used to iron, and good things will happen for you in New Hampshire, South Carolina and beyond.

(Actually, I'm not sure about Florida. Do they wear J. Press down there?)

Peter Mandel is an essayist and the author of 10 books for kids including his newest about a guy who runs a jackhammer and uses his belly on the job: Jackhammer Sam (Macmillan/Roaring Brook).

 

Comments

[CAELadyJane50]

09:53 AM on 01/07/2012

I think Romney wearing a polyester shirt tells me he likes to be well organized and keep things simple. He doesn't like to waste time when he could save time. It also tells me he is a bit liberal for improvements; if there is something new that works better than the old, he will go for it. Wearing polyester makes me see him as a family man, he likes to go easy on his wife to make life easier for her as well and not just for himself; polyester requires less work and time to care for.

[WilmaJune]

11:00 AM on 01/08/2012

Are you for real? No way does Mrs. Romney stand over a hot iron doing his starched shirts. That requires skill most women do not have. This article was obviously satire and you fell for it.

[CAELadyJane50]

12:00 AM on 01/13/2012

The reason why I answered this article is because I wear women's polyester oxford shirts myself. I used to iron and wear the cotton oxford shirts and I hated it. The ironing weakens the fabric and the starch gives off an unpleasant odor and leaves a film on my skin and it was too time-consuming for me. Polyester oxford shirts are a blessing to own; just take it out of the clothes dryer and hang it on a hanger and it is ready to wear and stays wrinkle-free even while wearing it.

[surfandshop]

10:57 AM on 01/06/2012

I enjoyed this article very much, it has good fashion information, good layout and written with a smile. Probably the most delightful read of the day for me.

[surfandshop]

07:17 PM on 01/05/2012

He can't roll up his sleeves or his garment will show.

[alexsmith2012]

01:36 PM on 01/05/2012

I will be paying more attention to this from now on, although I wish there were pictures so I could compare.

[RollaJones]

12:18 PM on 01/05/2012

Funny stuff. The Regular Guyness Deficiency Syndrome (RGDS) has been a recurring problem for presidential candidates for decades.

Romney is an extraordinarily wealthy, extremely successful, highly educated man who, at age 64, could still make the cover of GQ magazine. He is married to his high school sweetheart. Odds are he doesn't smoke, drink, or swear.

On a personal level, I sure as heck can't idenitfy with this guy, and I don't know anyone who can. A few more wrinkles and crumples won't change anything.

[thebigbike]

01:37 PM on 01/05/2012

Personally I wouldn't even want to sit down to some boiled shrimp and have a glass of iced tea with the guy. oops.. no tea either.... hmmm... uh. I can just see him peeling the shrimp. uh no I can't. Lemme see, I'm not quite sure about if I'd know how to act with him in the places I Can see him, like a behind the plate box at the Red Sox Is there , like a waiter to bring you the cold -- ooops no beer. Would he pop the shells off the peanuts himself? ........ Well Mittens makes George HW Bush ( Bush the 1st) seem like Joe da Plumber

[PatA]

10:57 PM on 01/07/2012

He has his own shrimp peeler.

[RUKidding0]

11:17 AM on 01/05/2012

This "article" serves ONLY to illustrate just how far the leftist denizens of this site will go to distract from the unforgivable FAILURE of the Obama administration.

Distraction is no substitute for substance.

[PatA]

10:58 PM on 01/07/2012

Your "posting" serves ONLY to illustrate just how far the rightist denizens of your tribe will go to distract from the unforgivable FAILURE of the Republican party.

Distraction is no substitute for substance.

[RUKidding0]

09:19 AM on 01/08/2012

Your response might be a good point, except for the facts that:

1 Republicans ar NOT in power, Obama is and must be held responsible for his abject and unremitting failure

2 I am NOT a Republican and support their failures no more than I do those of the Social Democrat Party

Deny, dissuade, defend and distract as you will, 2012 will be all about Obama FAILURE and what its continuance for 4 more years would mean to America.