Each fall, some kids ask me for college recommendation letters. This is, more or less, this year's edition.

Dear Dean of Admissions,
It is with pleasure I write to you on behalf of ____ ____. Although your university is her safety school, I assume she would eventually adjust and...

First, drinking. Then talking on the phone. Then text messaging. You'd think the government would cut back on its probes into highway accident-causing activities, but ... no dice.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Board is now set to release a study claiming that undergoing reconstructive knee...

In 1967, football jerseys were a teen fad in New York City High Schools. The world was decades away from maniacal sports marketing so the jerseys were bloodless: no team logo, no team colors, no superstar stranger's name along the upper back. Just white jerseys with striped shoulders and a...

Between elections, bailouts and octuplets, short shrift has been paid to another highly deserving national travesty: A recent survey found that ninety percent of our high schoolers confessed to cheating on exams. This data can only make adults shake their heads and wonder: What kind of kid talks to...

As their euphoria over the November election levels off, American Jews -- nearly 90 percent of whom voted Barack Obama -- are slowly coming around to one major question: "How did a black guy get in the White House before a Jew?"

Many leaders of the Jewish...

A few notes:

Note 1: On Thursday's Larry King episode, Ben Stein took a stab at graciousness but -- damn it -- came up just shy. He started out okay, complimenting the efficiency of the Obama campaign. But sadly, that wee moment of sanity goosed his fight-or-flight adrenals, kayoed...

In his New York Times column today, David Brooks raved about the performance of Sarah Palin in last night's debate. Curious thing: Mr. Brooks was a talking head on PBS before and after the debate. Assume his head talked in a New York studio since his column had no dateline....

It's impossible to prioritize the disasters of an average American's life right now but one thing we have going for us is self-esteem. Oh, we are flush with us. We've become our own role models. We emulate ourselves. We look up to ourselves. We are so taken by us,...

MONDAY

TV coverage of that evening's convention coverage begins at 4 AM. Sleep til 7:30, take Izzy to dog park in Pacific Palisades. Wear Ipod to avoid hearing any conversation about convention. Stop at Starbuck's, forget Ipod. Hear woman wonder why Bristol has to have baby and marry Levi....

The Democratic Convention has been thrilling and inspiring. Michelle, Caroline, Hillary, Teddy, Bill, Kerry, Joe... all sublime. And yet, it's been so galling to be constantly reminded that Nancy Pelosi is higher in the line of succession for the presidency than I am.

No, no, no, I'm not kidding...

Almost two weeks passed with no federal probes into sports. What, we asked, was Congress up to? After all, it was that sharp left turn into sports that made the hill a hotspot again:

ESPN cameras elbowing C-SPAN as congressional aides learned the split-finger fastball; Henry Waxman...

At this very moment, Iowa's full of candidates talking about overhauling the health care mess while I want to haul off on an entire hospital. I don't know about you, but that's seriously ironic in my head. But then, according to the literature, after the death of a parent, it's...

In the '60s, the media pushed the country against the Vietnam War. The Tet Offensive bled onto living room TV sets, Walter Cronkite came out against the war, citizens were outraged and convinced.

The same with Watergate: Central and somewhat trusted media outlets pushed and probed and...

On trips back to New York, I visit a street sign outside my old apartment on East 63rd Street near First Avenue. "Unnecessary Noise Prohibited." It's my sign, my permanent (whatever that means) contribution (whatever that means) to the city.

Ex-New Yorkers invest lots of emotion in inanimate objects, so...

Editor's note: This post is a satire.

Roughly a third of the $660 million dollar sexual abuse settlement being paid out the L.A. Archdiocese is being picked up by insurance. Not being that up on this segment of the economy, the whole concept of being insured for a civil action...

Boy, America has had a lot of shitty presidents. Just take a stroll down repressed memory land and look at that police line-up from November 22, 1963 through January 1992. Ford may come out looking the best of the bunch and he was widely acknowledged to be unable to...

November comes toward the end of the year in Brentwood and yet another fog of the OJ Simpson case loomed over the affluent town like a Portobelo mushroom cloud. Trying to keep focused, Litton Wynn, Jr., LA P.D. Cold Case Detective/ Music Consultant, puzzled over a six-year old littering case....

When Senator George Allen (R-Va) recently learned that his mother was Jewish, he calmed his supporters by claiming "I still had a ham sandwich for lunch."

It remains to be seen whether Mr. Allen retains his seat but "The Ham Sandwich Gambit" is the latest method public...

Jesus Christ was saddened but not shocked upon hearing the news that his producing partner, Mel Gibson, was arrested on a DUI the night before. After all, the two just finished dining together moments before the incident.

In the ebb and flow of Hollywood collaborations, things usually...

A friend with an office near Ground Zero called. He knows nothing about construction but he sees a lot of people who look like construction workers milling around. That's the thing about New York; everyday you pass big people in hard hats doing nothing but eating lunch on vacant...