Chris Matthews Goes Man-Pretty On Primary Night Coverage

So I'm watching MSNBC's primary coverage on the Chinese flat screen TV my Republican brother-in-law (who's doing real well under George W. Bush) gave us for Christmas. The cable connection is really good. Chris Mathews is on screen practically having an orgasm at the prospect of Clinton and Obama going to-to-toe, spending $30 million in advertising in Pennsylvania over the next seven weeks.

The TV picture is really sharp. It's not high definition, but it's a hell of a lot sharper than the picture on the 10-year-old Sony in the other room. The spittle flying off Matthews' rubbery lips is superbly defined. His eyes are even more demonic than usual. He's glowing, positively glowing, as he talks to Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell.

I am drawn to Matthews' image. And not in a wholesome way. Weird.

I get up and walk across the room and stand inches from the screen. I study Matthews on a pixel-by-pixel basis (if that's what they're calling those little chunks of an electronic image these days). What's going on?

I finally spot it. He's wearing makeup. I know, I know -- everyone on TV wears makeup. But Matthews' makeup is different. It's creamier. It's almost peach colored. Matthews' makeup gives him a Cover Girl glow.

Whatever the shade of that sh*t is, it's enough to make him look like he's wearing lipstick -- a creamy pink shade of lipstick at that. Or maybe he really is wearing creamy pink lipstick. As good as the TV is, I can't tell.

And the more he salivates at the prospect of Obama and Clinton carving one another up all over the Keystone State, the glossier and creamier and more mesmerizing his lips become.

Surreal. Here is Chris Matthews, the take-no-prisoners host of Hardball, looking man-pretty in my rumpus room. And I can't tear my eyes away from those lips.

Was this something Tip O'Neill experienced when Matthews worked for him? Perhaps over lunch, in the Congressional dining room, with those lips spewing Cobb Salad?

Those lips. That make-up. That staccato delivery...

I tear my eyes away, dive for the remote and change the channel. There's a hockey game on. A game with plenty of fights and gratuitous violence. It looks really good on the new TV and in no time at all I am secure in my manhood once again.

I will not be watching Hardball again anytime soon. At least not on that new Republican Chinese flat screen.

Those lips...

God...

Those glossy, fast-talking spittle-flicking lips...

Comments

[MizJ]

And don't the corporate powers that be over at MSNBC realize that their beloved Matthews is known throughout blogland as "Tweety"? And not in a good way. That should be enough to offer that severance package and mail him out to Nantucket where he summers for an indefinite period of time. Or until he can at least control the spit and drool. It is positively unwholesome! I think that if his female guests all decided to boycott time on the air with this degenerate than maybe the bosses will sit up and take notice. CHRIS MATTHEWS - TODAY'S WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Rossetti]

From James Wolcott's blog today: Chris Mathews won the gold, Kieth Olbermann the silver, last night in the suck on a lemon contest, with Howard Fineman for the bronze.

[legalgirl]

Wow! I saw the same thing, not on a spanking brand new flat-screen, but on a 10-year old Sony! Maybe because I'm an old hand at make-up, I saw it too--there's no denying the pink lip gloss -- and it was creepy. I also thought that it was re-applied during commercials because it became more pronounced as the evening wore on -- also, he looked "hipper" and thinner. Better cut of suit? New stylist? For one horrible moment, I wondered if he had cancer (the lips getting gray/purplish?) -- ergo, the make-up.

And yes, he misses the joke entirely that if he is perceived as a "top-notch political analyst," then the Dumbing Down of America has been accomplished.

But, then, who didn't know that? Oh yes, I remember, Chris Matthews.

[richw23]

Yeah, I think he's a sick man and they should take him off the air before he does something expensive in front of the whole country. That whole "move closer to the camera" thing was distrubing. That woman must have felt "slimed".

[Joeseo]

I agree but it wont happen as long a spittle-mouth adheres to General Electric's corporate fascist agenda. He stays as long as he lies and smears Hillary. He stays even if he claims she got where she is because of her husband's blowjobs. His 'apology' was a farce. I doubt he would get forgiveness in the Confessional.

I saw that instance about .......closer to the camera thing. I felt slimed too. This bastard acted toward her just as Pedifile Priest do when they use their dominant position of power over the innocent.

The Senate of the United States should condemn this jerk. He is NOT an elected official. He is a PAID corporate republican operative.

[LittleBrother]

Given this topic, I feel justified in re-running this comment, posted to a HuffPo column on Feb. 13th:

_______________________________________________________________

Tweety is obviously a disturbed person, which is no bar to the career of Celebrity Infotainwhore.

Whatever the underlying cause of his derangement, he is (also obviously) a conflicted closet queen.

Oh, he ogles good-looking young women on his show readily enough. But he has repeatedly made peculiar personal remarks about alpha male types: he slobbered all over President Unitard's stuffed-codpiece flight suit during that atrocious "Mission Accomplished" speech on the aircraft carrier; he's oozed all over "Maverick" McCain; he's gushed over Fred Thompson's manly aroma.

Forced and contrived "apologies" aside, he's been nothing but bitchy towards Hillary Clinton.

So it doesn't surprise me that Obama sends a thrill up his leg-- and I can imagine what comes running back down his leg, not to put too fine a point on it.

It's a comment on The Dumbing of America that this troubled fool is perceived as a "top-notch political analyst". He ought to be secluded somewhere unless and until intensive, long-term psychotherapy, er, straightens out his multiple issues.

[eidhsubplz]

Mr.Smith,You owe me a new pair of underwear after that one.Bravo sir.