08/08/2014 02:36 pm ET Updated Oct 08, 2014

Out of the Suburbs and into the Woods: A Haiku Diary

"Vacations are the perfect time for a family to re-group, re-connect and reflect." -- An idiot without kids.

Truth: Family vacations are a whirlwind of frantically keeping your people entertained and happy when what you want is to be bored. Just for 10 minutes. One minute. One second.

That book you packed? Well, maybe you can get to the second paragraph when school starts. That jigsaw puzzle? Nice work on the edge pieces. Maybe you can do the rest next year. Your journal -- the one you brought to sketch out your goals and plans? Maybe you ought to scale back. I highly recommend the haiku diary. Seventeen syllables a day is doable. Usually.

Since we're packing light
I'll just bring two hair dryers.
I can still make 'do.

When we take road trips
we play "Quick! Name that movie!"
in each passing car.

When hubby's driving
my job as the co-pilot
is to zzzzzz snort ...What?

Vacation coffee:
Lightly roasted dishwater
with a hint of grounds.

The cabin's rustic
so we had to bring our own
ethernet cable.

It's almost lunchtime?
We're wasting our vacation!
This is "relaxing."

Did we bring Band-Aids?
No. We did not bring Band-Aids.
I brought the Band-Aids.

When we're together
we take the time to catch up
on our magazines.

But is it lake view?
I have to have a lake view.
Dreaming on Zillow.

Keep it down out there!
People are trying to sleep
but not katydids.

I'm learning so much
about my kids on this trip
like, who brushes teeth.

On family trips
focus on what's important:
keeping your phones charged.

Throwing our laundry
in someone else's dryer.
Vacation, day 5.

It's almost over?!
Quick! Let's list all the places
we still need to eat.

At least once we're home
I can get some alone time
with my good tweezers.

Unpacking my clothes
the sweater I never wore
still smells like cedar.

The kids missed the dog
but I think they almost cried
when they saw Tivo.