Hey Sanford! Did Obama Put You up to This?

Don't worry Google, they found him.

Let me just say it before a commentator on Fox does:

This whole Mark Sanford mess is a Barack Obama conspiracy.

The sad spectacle of Mr. Sanford's teary confessional is designed, at least in some part, to make the president look even better by comparison than he already does. You think it was a coincidence that as the Governor was into the meat of his dishonor, the CNN scroll noted that President Obama was going to the Vatican to meet with the Pope?

I have my own views about the Obama press machinery and resultant seduction quotient. But this latest stroke of behind-the-scenes genius never would have occurred to me if I hadn't read just last night Michael Wolff's shocking revelations in the latest Vanity Fair about just how this administration is the most successfully manipulative of the press -- maybe ever. And Vanity Fair knows a thing or two about celebrity and the media.

Really, who among us who's read even the partial clip library of Obamabilia the last few months would think for a minute that the president and his wife have anything but a damn good, and very likely faithful, relationship? Even Rush hasn't suggested otherwise.

CNN anchor Kyra Phillips, despite reporter Candy Crowley's spirited attempt to say that we're all flawed humans in some way, admitted after the press conference that she was "feeling a little biased about this." And she didn't mean biased sympathy for the tanned-but-cornered Mr. Sanford. (Did that five days of crying involve some Buenos Aires beach time?) "We all want our leaders to have a moral compass," Ms. Phillips said, barely containing her angry disappointment.

And who would that be, that moral compass leader?

So how did the Obama machine get their hands on the levers of an illicit relationship that started eight years ago? In the shadow of the Governor's long wind-up and pitch, let me concede right away on this: I don't know. But lack of knowledge rarely impedes opinion. It's also true that, if you're looking for a fall guy who also happens to be a big Republican, finding adultery in Congress is like bobbing for apples in a drained tub.

On a day when yet another in the endless round of stunning recordings comes out about Richard Nixon -- a man about whom anything was possible -- don't dismiss immediately the possibility of the Barack Obama secret Tweets some day showing a sly hand in the Mark Sanford, uh, affair.

Frankly, before the Governor spoke, I was leaning toward insanity as the answer to the mystery of his disappearance. Then we could have called up the epic derangement of our greatest president, Abraham Lincoln, as an argument that craziness in politics, as in the art world, can be a plus. Maybe even a necessity. After all, hiking by yourself on a trail is probably viewed these days as far crazier than cheating on your spouse

As Ms. Crowley pointed out so accurately, however, this was just another "microcosm of society," a tawdry friends-with-benefits family scandal to add to the Clinton, Edwards, Spizter, McGreevey, et al, ad nauseam roster.

There's a lesson in there, I'm quite sure. And as the Governor started talking about how his Argentinian relationship took wing on the internet, here is that lesson: THE INTERNET IS AN EVIL TEMPTRESS!

Follow Phil Bronstein on Twitter: www.twitter.com/PhilBronstein

Comments

[seachild]

wow...are you having an affair with someone at Huffpost?.­..why would they give you a job here?...th­ere can be no other reason

you've got MAJOR Obama envy...it'­s so obvious to EVERYONE..­.and so SAD

bet Sharon loves O...ha!

[amadeusfg]

Print journalism is indeed in crisis, if Phil ranks as an editor !

[Democrab]

William Jefferson Clinton was the greatest president. Lyndon Baines Johnson was second. Obama doesn't qualify because he has no honorary degree from ASU.

[vernonbc]

Is this snark?

[peacedotnik]

Wow, this really failed to come across. I'm neither offended or amused...j­ust baffled as to what the point was. It appears to be an attempt at being clever, but it's largely inscrutable as a result of trying to bring together unrelated elements (Nixon tapes and Abortion; social media; the savvy of the Obama PR machine). By comparison, Limbaugh's looney-tunes pronouncement that Sanford did it out of despair over of what Obama is doing to the country seems almost coherent.

[RobRokoli]

I agree. This is an incoherent jumble that appears to have gotten lost amid the desultory stream of consciousness on the way to making a point, that appears to have evaporated en route. This from an editor?! Surely copies of this must find their way into the pockets of every Chronicle reporter, ready to be offered up in defense any time a Chronicle editor renders judgment of sloppy reporting, or bad writing. It's not that I disagree. I wouldn't be able to identify what there is to disagree with. This piece is simply dizzy.

[SlimPickins79]

i want 3 minutes of my life back

[politicali]

Phil, you can't fool anyone! For some reason you are very jealous of Obama and want to crash him any way you can, even with ill written sarcasm. I've read your other posts, you just can't stand the popularity of Obama. This story has nothing to do with him. By the way, there are no beaches in Buenos Aires and it is winter there now. The lady friend went to Brazil for her tan lines.

[joncushman]

If sarcasm than not a good editorial. If not sarcasm than not a good editorial. Expected better.

[Passenger57]

Although this column is a joke, I'll bet there ARE people out there working overtime to put Pres. Obama in the mix SOMEhow...

[koppenberg]

What do you mean workING? It was already workED it in when this weird story started coming out last week.

Don't you remember the claim that Sanford was looking for solitude to do some writing, presumably on conservative economic principles, after being forced by Obama (through the South Carolina legislature) to accept all that evil stimulus money?

[koppenberg]

On second thought, I guess at this point we're talking about folks trying to pin Sanford's affair on Obama. Sanford's mysterious disappearance is no longer mysterious (though still kinda strange and disconcerting as far as the governance of his state goes).

[2zzday]

So the White House controls the CNN crawl? And how would you characterize the Fox News chyron identifying Sanford as a Democrat? What about that manipulation?

[WmC]

I think Bronstein has his causality all mixed up. The problem is clearly gay marriage. Six states make gay marriage legal, and two "family values" Republicans confess to affairs. See? A simple answer.

[dm10003]

i think the recent archeological finds about human ancestors and birds with mammal features are the cause of mental collapse with somebody. who, it doesn't matter.

you can't spell apex without ape.

or something.

[Torus34]

I have it on deep background that a number of staffers of well-known conservative talk show hosts are burning the midnight oil looking for some way to place the blame for the Sanford affair on -- Bill Clinton!

[IssuesInFocus]

All I know, Stanford should have been a poet. Cannot tell since Romeo and Juliet where I have read such great lines. Sorry, but I am drinking this whole thing in-- such a tall order is only possible on the spectrum labelled-- politics.

[dancucich]

"
it's Obama's fault, just as accurate as the GOP accusation that the violence in Iran is Obama's fault "



actually, the violence in Tehran is absolutley Obama's fault.

You see,t he people in Tehrna read about how the House republicans were suffering
oppression like them, because democrats would not let them ammend bills.

Then the people of Tehran relaized how badly the House republicans were suffering and began demonstrating in solidarity with them. THey were chanting in Farsi: ""Ooooh bama: Let our people go!

Again, world proiblems triggered by Barack HUSSEIN Obama.

[IssuesInFocus]

Well, well, Obama does walk on water and is the "One." (lol). But saw on http://wonkette.com/409426/did-you-know-other-republican-governors-are-creepy- Funny indeed.

[jakiew]

i'm afraid he's a couple french fries short of a happy meal.