THE BLOG

Hard Time

06/15/2015 04:42 pm ET | Updated Jun 13, 2016

You can't blame Joyce Mitchell for wanting to feel pretty. But you can blame her for helping two convicted murderers to escape from prison.

Joyce Mitchell, 51, is the less than glamorous looking civilian prison employee who has been arrested and accused of helping convicted killers Richard Matt 48, and David Sweat 34, escape from Upstate New York's Clinton Correctional facility. Authorities believe that Mitchell provided tools and a cell phone that enabled Matt and Sweat to cut through metal walls and escape through a manhole. It is also believed that Mitchell was supposed to drive the getaway car for Matt and Sweat, but that she got cold feet on the day of the escape and went to a local hospital complaining of a panic attack.

Why then did Mitchell help these two very dangerous men? Police say that during an interview Mitchell claimed that Richard Matt made her feel "Special." Mitchell supervises the tailor facility, where she met both Matt and Sweat.

Further complicating things, is the rumor that Mitchell is also believed to have had an affair with Sweat in addition to having an affair with Matt, and the fact that her husband, Lyle Mitchell, also works in the prison tailor shop. Wow! Talk about a total goat f*ck!

So you've got a 51 year old woman who looks vaguely like a recent Gary Busey, and she's getting her freak on with two prison inmates, right under her husband's nose. And you thought things got weird where you work!

None of this comes as a surprise to Joyce Mitchell's ex-husband Tony Premo, who told reporters that Mitchell cheated on him twice during their marriage. Who says only hot chicks get to cheat?
According to prison officials, men like Matt and Sweat manipulating female prison employees and using them to curry favors and even attempt to escape, is quite common. Which begs the question, why do maximum security prisons hire civilian female employees, and put them in close proximity to murderers? But apparently, that's another "Oprah."

By all accounts, Joyce Mitchell was ripe for the picking; middle-aged, overweight, tending toward the dumpy. Along came Matt and Sweat, talking their sweet stuff. We have all heard of beer goggles; the phenomenon that large amounts of alcohol make homely women more attractive. It appears that Matt and Sweat had on "Freedom Goggles." If several shots of tequila makes a woman get better looking, imagine what helping you escape from prison for life, can do for a gal's looks. To Matt and Sweat, Joyce Mitchell must have looked like a cross between Gwyneth Paltrow and Kate Upton.

Somehow Joyce Mitchell must have found a way to have sexual contact with Matt and Sweat, while on the job; hiding from the prying eyes of guards and her own husband. This may be some sort of new world record for the highest degree of difficulty in cheating history.

For her part in all this, Joyce Mitchell faces up to 7 years in prison. But then, from what we already know about her, Mitchell will likely find all sorts of new social possibilities in a women's prison.

Meanwhile, as of this writing, Matt and Sweat are both still on the lamb.

To give you some idea of how dangerous these men are, Richard Matt was serving 25 years to life for killing and dismembering his former boss at a food warehouse. This shortly after the boss had fired Matt. Some guys take firing worse than others.

David Sweat was serving life without the possibility of parole for shooting a sheriff's deputy 15 times.

So two homicidal maniacs are back on the streets, all because they made one lucky lady feel special. Love is indeed a hurting thing.

Say what you will about Joyce Mitchell, despite her optical challenges, she was getting more action than Madonna during the 80s. And at least she never claimed to be black.