Don't Americans Have a Right to Kill People?

04/25/2007 01:25 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Every time some loony kills a bunch of people the liberal bleeding-hearts come out of the closet and start ranting about gun control. Well, the National Rifle, Handgun, and Assault Weapon Association of America is here to remind us we have a God-given right to kill people. That's why we need guns. Now, there are some wishy-washy characters right here in the NRHAAWAA who go around saying guns don't kill people, only people kill people. Sure, there's lots of ways people can kill people -- a knife, a baseball bat, or a cleaver. But then you can only get one at a time. That's no fun! Plus, a bunch of citizens might gang up on you and get that weapon away from you. Where's the security?

Those liberal wimps are always saying you don't need assault weapons to go hunting deer. That's just horse-pucky. Sometimes you don't hit the deer in the first hundred shots. It's hard to see out there in the woods. When the wife's counting on you to bring home meat for dinner you don't want to disappoint the little woman just because you've got cataracts or macular degeneration. You want to be certain. Sure, I know it's hard picking all that metal out of the carcass, but it's better than coming home empty-handed. It's good to take a handgun along, too, in case you meet another hunter. And maybe a grenade or two. You never know what you're going to run into in the woods.

Anyway, this isn't just about hunting. Let's get real here. It's time to stand up for our rights like men. We don't just want sissy hunting rifles. We want weapons! We want guns that were designed just to kill people -- as many people as possible. That's what guns are for. And that's what America is all about. Killing folks. Other folks. We don't like other folks. They talk funny and look different and we need to kill them, as fast as possible. That's what freedom means. We're the greatest country in the world and we get to kill anyone we want. What other country had the know-how to invent cluster bombs and napalm and Bouncing Bettys and nerve gas and the atom bomb and biological weapons? Our stuff doesn't just kill soldiers, it kills everybody. Because that's what real men do, they kill people and trash stuff. Let the women fuss and fret about babies and creativity and saving the planet and all that gay fluff. Let all those foreigners have their sissy gun control. We in the NRHAAWA in the good old USA do what real men are supposed to do, and we do it with our guns. God Bless America!