I don't care how much sodium's in it, it's 50 meals for 30 dollars! If she can eat it for 13 years, I can eat it for four.
2. You wipe your mouth with the napkins you hoarded from Chipotle
What, is the huge corporation going to miss a few napkins? You're basically Robin Hood.
It ain't the soft stuff, but the library restocks everyday and it's so easy to slip some in your backpack...
4. It's time to meet up with some friends, and you've each brought a handle of locally produced, Russian-named vodka
It's flavored grape, but it tastes like vomit.
5. So you head to the nearest vending machine for a mixer: you know all their locations in a 15 mile radius
You've had way too many pop-tart breakfasts, chip lunches and beef jerky dinners.
6. You return to your home and drink a night's worth of booze at 8pm, so you don't have to buy any out
Well... it's probably better if you can't remember tonight anyway.
7. You go out to a dive bar, but it's still BYOB
"A $5 cocktail? Hah. I'll just have a coke, please." You sneak to the bathroom and pretend you're a bartender.
8. When a friend tells you his parents are in town, you turn up the charm
"Saturday night? I'd love to go to dinner with your family! You know I love your Mom."
9. You remember tomorrow's Friday night and that's Shabbat dinner. You'll be Jewish tomorrow even if you're not actively practicing or even Jewish.
Free brisket and Manischewitz at Hillel? I'm in!
10. It's only 10pm but you're already wasted. You head over to Chipotle. They remind you that 'guacamole's extra.' NO! You panic
Is it possible to scrape the guacamole off my burrito?
11. You grab condoms from health services by the handfuls
Even though you aren't having any sex, you can't resist a good deal. That's an attractive quality, right?
What do you mean it's checked out? It can't be checked out! I have a test tomorrow! Oh well, I'll just buy more Rubinoff.
13. When you finally take a vacation home, you need an extra suitcase on the way back
Old clothes to avoid buying new ones, high school books you need again for entry level courses and snacks...mainly snacks.
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