This post was written by Julianne Adams and originally appeared on Pixable.
Ah, college. Four(-ish) years of higher education and drunken shenanigans. We all have at least one weird story from the days of student living, but if you think your story is wild, wait until you read these 14 tales.
Shared on a reddit thread asking for the craziest dorm stories, these reminiscences involve drugs, alcohol, sex and ... giving birth? Yeah, there's some weird stuff going on in schools.
Many of these stories had to be shortened while many, many others couldn't even be included because they are that gross. One in particular involving a roasted chicken should never be told again. Read on and be glad you were not involved in these absurdities.
1. The time the 'Guy on my floor rappelled 40 feet from his window into the dorm courtyard on an ethernet cord tied to a radiator in the middle of winter'
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All because his friends had trapped him in his room. "These days he would have to rappel down with wifi," Jiggahawaiianpunch commented on ghadeira's logic-defying tale.
2. That one time '[Students] effectively built a huge secret passageway connecting every single dorm room on the floor.'
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The flimsy closets in a dorm from jimmyjazz2000's days allowed for the creation of a mass "authority-proof" party dorm full of "non-stop chaos." "It is the epitome of the spirit of college," Golf_and_Booze commented.
3. The time 'we turned the bathroom into a sauna/slip and slide room.'
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"We plugged the shower drains and blocked the part with the toilets with sandbags because we didn't want it the water getting over there and getting toilet," atrix324, wrote. "We then turned the showers on and flooded the bathroom and partied." Nice.
4. That time we found 'raw meat in the halls. Just like, cuts of meat left on butcher paper in front of people's doors.'
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But like, why? Why did that happen in Ryuuenjin's dorm?
5. The time when we 'ordered a stripper for my computer science friend who had never even kissed a girl and she sexually assaulted him while 50 strangers watched in awkward silence.'
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"Awkward stripper things happen, pretty frequently I'd say," fiah84 wrote. Hopefully never again to the kids who witnessed that shit show in chimchong's dorm.
6. The time 'my brothers frat flooded the second floor in the winter ... It froze and was a badass indoor iceskating for a few days.'
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Then the floor collapsed. Party over.
7. The time when 'all of a sudden some kid on a unicycle comes in through the bathroom wearing a rainbow colored Phantom of the Opera mask and a thong. He salutes me as he comes through and then went down the hall. Apparently no one else saw him that night.'
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Did bobcat009 meet the "common college ghost," as coined by mikmaqmastermind?
8. That time when a dude passed out and 'woke up to a big hospital room WITH HIS NAME IN BLOOD ON THE WALLS.'
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Okay, wtf. Back up, YoungSerious: "A friend of mine got blitzed, took a fire extinguisher and sprayed a guy's feet. The guy got super pissed (disproportionately so), so my friend apologized and put it down. A couple minutes later, he is talking to some guys and gets blindsided in the face with said extinguisher. Guy had picked it up, snuck around and hit him in the face, splitting his nostril open.
He has to go to the hospital, but he's so drunk he's yelling at the EMTs and doing crazy stuff. They put him in the drunk tank. He passes out, wakes up to a big hospital room WITH HIS NAME IN BLOOD ON THE WALLS. Turns out, after they locked the door he started taking his nose blood and writing on the walls. He said it was the scariest wake up ever."
9. The one time when 'the law enforcement students were hosting their very own full blown version of Fight Club, smashing the shit out of each other on Friday nights'
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Normally, as 7_up_curly tells it, the young men and women cleaned up quickly. "Well one day they didn't get to it in time and the school Dean came through to find blood scattered across the walls and floors, ripped off clothes and garbage everywhere." Awkward.
10. That time there was 'Shit everywhere, on the side of the toilet, the ground, the shower mat, the side of the sink, the counter, the mirror'
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On T0mmyGun's FIRST day of living in a dorm, a very, very, VERY drunk girl had some issues in the bathroom. "Things were weird in my dorm after that." Uh, no surprise there.
11. That time 'He snuck in Everclear. Within 10 minutes he'd lit himself on fire with said Everclear.'
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"Fun night in the ER," SardinesGivePower added. Yeah, must've been.
12. The time '[My friend] and I were planning on smoking until we walked into his dorm room and saw a girl on HIS bed in labor.'
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It turns out the woman was snoborder88's friend's roommate and she went into labor earlier than expected.
So how'd snoborder88 and his friend deal? "We ended up cleaning up the mess for a while, then smoked like never before in order to get the image of a total stranger screaming her lungs out out of our heads." Sounds about right.
13. The time we took 'Magic mushrooms during a fire drill. That is all.'
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"Pupils were dilated allll the way," themasterkser wrote. Ah, college memories.
14. That time I 'listened to a girl and her mom do lines together while being a country apart'
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"kinda beautiful," sandwichartist7 wrote about the FaceTiming cocaine-loving duo. At least they're close ... nope. Weird.
The winning comment on this whole thread?
"Probably shouldn't be reading these as I'm at my new student orientation and sleeping in a dorm for the first time tonight," EagleScoutFireman wrote. Welcome to college. Here's hoping that shit goes down your first night and that you share the tale with the world.
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