12/07/2010 01:52 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Beauty and the Brain: 9 Leaks From the Beauty Business

In the wake of the WikiLeaks cables and the ensuing debate about protecting sensitive diplomatic matters, I thought I would alleviate the geopolitical tension with some leaks from my industry -- the so-called "Beauty Industry." Codename Silvio Berlusconi. Feckless of me, perhaps, but duty compels me to share some of the lesser-known facts about cosmetics and the wiki wacky ways of war paint (and the people that make it).

1. Foot in Mouth. That wand you dip in your lip gloss with the fuzzy tip is called a "doe foot" in the industry. Strange but true, this is the industry-accepted term.

2. Krazy Gloop. I was once on "The Lipstick Taskforce" whose challenge it was to come up with the future of lipstick circa 21st Century and beyond. Most of the other industry insiders on this important "liplomacy" mission felt that lipstick that could double as an appetite suppressant was the ultimate futuristic lip product. To me the answer was obvious, "How about we put superglue in the lipstick?" I suggested with my lips stuck together to demonstrate. Don't worry, no one was amused other than me.

3. Yin Not Yang. Very few brands achieve success in both color cosmetics and skin care. Brands tend to be one or other. Seems customers have a mind of their own after all.

4. Economy Is Only Skin Deep. The "lipstick index" a phrase coined by Leonard Lauder to describe the once reliable statistic that lipstick sales increase during recessions has given way to skin. It appears that during this recession "foundation" sales have notably increased. Talk about cover up.

5. The Great Mascara Mirage. There is no such thing as the perfect mascara. Sorry.

6. Fuzzy Math. Only a small percentage of an advertised hair product needs to be used in order for that ad to extol its benefits. The rest is up to the hair stylist on the set. Put it this way, my fellow fuzzy headed ones, results may vary... a lot.

7. More Mars Than Venus. Most cosmetic companies are still run by men. No mystery, then, why so many products don't seem to make much sense.

8. Cheshire Color. It has been proven (don't ask me how) that women who wear red lipstick smile more often.

9. All cosmetic formulas need to be tested to ensure they are compatible with their packaging and they are stable. If only all dates were tested in the same way.

The correlation between the world of diplomacy and beauty products is a strong one. What is an anti-age cream, if not a tiny little foreign diplomat trying to persuade us we need it's services without going so far as to offend us. The fine line (or wrinkle) that every international diplomat must negotiate.

Amazing how much vanity the WikiLeaks information dump has revealed. The vanity of the Julian Assange and the vanity of all the so called leaders of countries. Such male pride and foible on display. You boys ought to get out of the business of massive ideological machinations where your prancing is a liability and into the beauty business where you can let those peacock feathers fly. In the words of L'Oreal "Because You're Worth It." You sure ain't worth much else.