The Journey Past Postpartum: 5 Promises From One Mom To Another

You feel like a wreck. You are in the middle of something you don't quite understand. Some people make motherhood look so easy, how did you get hit by the Struggle Bus?
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
Mother holding her baby hand
Mother holding her baby hand

You feel like a wreck. You are in the middle of something you don't quite understand. Some people make motherhood look so easy, how did you get hit by the Struggle Bus?

At one point you felt strong, beautiful, productive, and confident. Now, all those feelings have washed away in the rip tide of postpartum depression. It was something that you did not even want to admit at first, it was something you thought you would never go through, now it has you in its grip; and you feel like you are drowning.

I know because I have been through it; and after a good amount of time, I surfaced. I met many women along my journey through PPD, including myself, who thought it would never end.

"This is the new me I guess."

Now, my daughter is16 months old, and looking back, here are five truths to see you through the thick of it.

1. If you are not OK, it's OK.

Perfect parenthood is practically sold on shelves these days. In fact, it stares right at you while you are waiting exhausted in line at the grocery aisle. So and so and her new baby are dressed in all white (no formula or spit-up stains) lying in a bed looking blissful, or the new It girl has lost the baby weight in three days, or is on a date one day postpartum!

The unspoken competition among mothers is pervasive; it's annoying; and unless you have people working and caring for you and your child around the clock... it is a lie. You just carried the weight of your world for nine months, then once your miracle arrives, you completely lose yourself. You lose sleep, your body has changed, your hormones are acting like jerks, your mother-in-law is slipping her opinions into the mix, and somehow you are supposed to look and feel like the girl on the magazine cover? No.

You have every reason to not feel OK. Once you give yourself permission to feel and accept where you are at, the healing can and WILL begin.

2. You are not alone and you are not crazy.

After about four months of trying to manage and deny my PPD, I joined a few support groups. In those groups, I met some of the strongest women I know. Women who knew they needed support, reached out and shouldered one another's pain. Every now and then I hear from a new mom who has joined the group, riddled with anxiety, guilt, fear, and frustration. The promise is that you are not alone.

You are not losing your mind. You are tired, again (and I cannot stress it enough) your hormones are running wild throughout your body, you are using every ounce you have left to care for your child while suffering through some of the worst types of anxiety and feelings of sadness I believe exist.

But you are not alone, you will come through it. Time will heal you, the hormones will settle, your baby will start sleeping, all that seems so heavy right now will one day be light. Hold on, and reach out. Find a group to connect with online or in person and let the healing begin.

3. People will not understand you.

Postpartum depression and anxiety comes with a stigma. Until our culture decides to let go of false perfectionism and the idea that every woman should be able to handle childbirth and raising children alone, that stigma is going to make you feel alienated. Reference promise number two: You are not alone.

Many women are going through this, but the people closest to you may just turn their noses up. The moment I started admitting where I was at was the moment I found out who my friends were. The moment I exposed my weaker side was the moment the judgements began to pile up.

Find your tribe, find those that understand you and if you can, set boundaries with the naysayers. They may be people in your innermost circle -- your significant other, your parents, best friends. This is your time to heal and understand the changes occurring within you. Changes that will eventually make you stronger and more empathetic, and possible a better parent.

Be strong, and be firm and set solid boundaries with those who are harming rather than trying to help you heal.

4. The therapy, doctor, workout combo.

I was in a place where I needed all the help I could get to pull me out. It took me too long to get myself the help I needed. I started with my doctor. We discussed where I was at and how I was feeling and made weekly appointments to check in. This gave me a sense of security and safety throughout the most trying times.

I began seeing a therapist to work through all the emotions that came before, during and after baby. And then I slowly started to get my body moving for a little bit of time each day.

When you are in the thick of PPD, none of this sounds appealing. It all sounds like work and time you cannot afford. I believe that this combo of support was the catalyst to bring me through and out of the woods. No matter how horrible I felt, I stuck to my appointments and I made myself move every day.

5. This will pass.

I promise it will, but you have to do the work. You have to make a choice to get better, and hold on tight when the world feels like it is crashing down on you. You have to promise yourself and your child that you will work toward the light. It will not go away in a day, or a week, months even -- sometimes relapse will rear its ugly head; but you WILL come through it.

I think the women who work their way through postpartum are some of the strongest people I know. We are already compromised when we have a baby, and throw depression and anxiety on top and that is one deep well to climb out of. You can do it. Get connected. And hold on.

Looking back at my journey these are some of the promises I probably heard here and there but did not believe. I thought I was the exception, the one who never gets better. Now a little over a year through my journey, I am a bit thankful for my experience with PPD. I believe it has made me a stronger, wiser, more empathetic mother and human being.

The journey took me to places I never knew I could go, and I learned more about myself perhaps in this one year than in my entire lifetime before. I hope, that wherever you are on your path that these promises give you courage, strength and inspiration to continue on, up and through. Carry on!

___________________

If you are experiencing symptoms of postpartum depression and/or anxiety, please reach out to your doctor.

If you -- or someone you know -- need help, please call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. If you are outside of the U.S., please visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention for a database of international resources.

Close

HuffPost Shopping’s Best Finds

MORE IN LIFE