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Who Would Win If All the Disney Villains Fought, Hunger Games Style?

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Answer by Laura Parker,

Phenomenal question! Okay, so first, we need to make a couple of assumptions.  The first is that the villains stay true to their nature and their skill sets. And the second is that they all can lose.

The biggest potential issue we have with the "they all can lose" part, is with Hades.  See, Hades is a god and immortal. Soooo ... not sure how we involve him in this fight.  I'm thinking that really defeats the whole purpose of the games.  Either he has to have a mortal proxy, or he can't play. I suggest he be the game master consultant, helping them come up with obstacles for the villains.

Well the first to get iced are the mere humans...

Cruella DeVille is toast.  I mean, one of the first to go.  She can't climb trees with that coat and those fingernails. She's not going to have some hired assassins and she won't have her car.  So she's out.

Gaston is toast too. Literally.  He tries to go up against Maleficent, and gets burnt to a crisp. So is Lady Tremaine, Cinderella's evil stepmom.  I say she gets killed first. Judge Claude Frollo is obliterated.  Stromboli from Pinnocchio?  Dead. Queen of Hearts from Alice and Wonderland -- she's right up there with Cruella DeVille in terms of staying power.  Gone gone gone. No contest.

Now Captain Hook might outlast some of the other humans. He's got some good survival instincts.  But alas, he's too clever for his own good.  He let's Governor Ratcliffe from Pocahontas get on a raft he built since he is a seafaring guy, planning to throw him in the water, but Ursula wipes them both out..

Clayton from Tarzan -- he can stay alive longer than most.  He's used to being in the wild and he's pretty ruthless.  So he's one of the humans that will stay alive the longest.

Shan Yu (Mulan) is good with a sword, he's a good tracker, and he is a cold-blooded killer.  Don't forget that both Ursula from The Little Mermaid and Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty were stabbed to death.  Not bad for a mere mortal to defeat some enchanted giant octopus chick and an evil queen that can turn herself into a dragon, so you have to give him some credit, he's a contender. As far as human contenders with no special powers, I put my money on him. He'll kill tons of humans early on.  No mercy.

Then ... you have the animals.

There are:
The Siamese cats from Lady and the Tramp.  My instincts tell me they are not gonna be long in this world It's possible they will get killed by something else out there, or starved or something. Ultimately, I don't think they are going to be able to handle the environment. After all, they are housecats.  Plus, true to their nature, they might see a human, assume it is their source of food, approach, and BAM!  They get murdered in cold blood by one of their fellow opponents. Awesome.

The dinosaurs from Dinosaur - dead.  I mean they are extinct for a reason.  If they couldn't handle evolution, they surely won't be able to stand up to Ursula and Maleficent.

The rat from Lady and the Tramp ... actually, he could wait it all out and so I say he's a major contender.

Scar from The Lion King. I think he's kind of subpar in this fight too. Scar is a narcissist who thinks he's smarter than he is and really isn't courageous at all. My bet?  He gets taken out early and to add insult to injury he gets taken out by a human -- I'm guessing Clayton from Tarzan.

So who are your contenders?  Well you've got your super human / magical folks who include:
  • the Witch from Snow White.
  • Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty -- this chick turned herself into a fire breathing dragon.  She's a contender.
  • Ursula from The Little Mermaid -- this chick turned herself into a giant ink squirting octopus monster. The chicks got legs.  Well, not literally, but  you know what I mean.
  • Madam Mim from The Sword and the Stone. Shape shifting.  Dragon. Not terribly skilled in the dark arts, but still, she's got skills.  Contender.
  • Jafar from Aladdin -- as a sorcerer because remember?  He was powerless as a genie. As a sorcerer he turned himself into a a giant cobra that was impervious to fire. So he's in.
  • Facilier from The Princess and the Frog -- aligns with the dark side. And has some special powder and potions. What dark side is he aligned with? Could it be SATAN?  Would that be Hades?  This is what we don't know.  So not sure how powerful he is...

All right now things get interesting ... Facilier -- so this dude is a witch doctor who will align with anyone to get what he needs. Granted, out there in the Hunger Games wilderness, he may not have unlimited amounts of his pink powder, but he is so conniving and treacherous, he will lie in a minute and trick someone into an alliance only to stab them in their back. My guess is he aligns with the witch from Snow White, who knows she's not gonna be able to stay in this long, and who, also reliant on potions and lotions, thinks she can trick him into giving up some of his magic powder. Since it never specifically says that she calls on some darker powers, I'm gonna bet that Facilier takes her out. 'Et tu Brute' style.

Clayton, knowing the odds are against him, will attempt to align with Shan Yu.  But Shan Yu being warrior badass #1, true to his nature, isn't trying to align with Clayton.  He pulls a sword on Clayton, they fight and Clayton gets killed.

So the last human standing is Shan Yu, and then his brutal, confident, "I can beat anybody's ass" self, goes after Maleficent thinking he can stab her, and he gets burned to a crisp.  He's out.

Jafar feigns alignment with Facilier, thinking he needs to get in good with the darkside.  Alas, Facilier doesn't really have very deep connections in the underworld, and he runs out of magic powder.  Jafar turns into a cobra and squeezes the life out of him.  Facilier is no more.

So who's left?  Well we still have Maleficent, Ursula, Jafar, Madam Mim, and the rat.

So Ursula and Madam Mim are shape shifters, and they have been checking out the competition the whole time.  Waiting to see when they should strike.  Maybe they were a raven in a tree, maybe an otter or a squirrel, they had front row seats to the annihilation of their enemies.  But now they're getting bored. And the thing is ... they cannot find that damn rat. I mean they just can't find him.

So the next face off?  Jafar vs. Maleficent.

And it's on! Maleficent slashing her huge tail around, breathing fire that would incinerate flesh in an instant. Jafar as a cobra dodging the tail, but impervious to the fire. He strikes, she strikes. He bites her. She bites back with razor sharp fangs.  He is injured badly.  But alas, his bites fill her with poisonous venom. She feels woozy. He bites again. She falls. Maleficent is done. Killed by Jafar. Oh Snap!

Now Ursula is doing the math in her head, as is Mim.  They are forgetting someone ... who is it?  Who is it? They haven't seen the other, and they know they are shape shifters.  And they know there is Jafar, who has the power of transformation as well, although not to the same extent they have it ... So, Ursula figures she's better off as giant octopus in the water about now, since she doesn't really know where the other two are, and she bounces to the lake.

Jafar sits, barely alive, nursing his wounds in the woods when Mim pulls a Jafar and turns herself into a snake and her venom infects him... But he doesn't die right away....good.  She wants to leave him sort of alive -- just barely holding on ... she wants Ursula to think there is another contender in the mix.

She turns herself into an eel and goes into the lake.  You see, Ursula has a soft spot for eels.  They were her pets of course before that bitch Ariel tricked her into killing them by accident.  Awwww, the cute little eel!  It's trying to make friends with her! For just a second, Ursula thinks she's good. She's in the water, this little eel is trying to make friends with her, she feels almost like she's back home in Atlantis.

Just then the gun goes off and Jafar's image illuminates in the sky.  He's dead. Well if he's dead then it's only her and Mim who ... wait a minute ... Ursula strikes! She goes in on the eel knowing that it is Mim!  Mim tries to escape, but Ursula is enraged and kills her dead.

She WON!  SHE WON!!!  Except ... why have the clouds not opened up?  Where is the announcement?  What the heck, there isn't anyone else alive!  She sits there in silence.  She hears the wind in the trees, the splash of water on shore.  She's totally pissed.  "What the hell is going on?? I won didn't I?" she yells out to the sky above.

And then there is an announcement.

"Ummmm, well it seems we ... have a tie." There are two winners. Ursula and ...

that damn rat from Lady and the Tramp.More questions on Hypothetical Battles: