Children Who Grow Up on Stage
America continues to be gripped by Jon and Kate Gosselin whose marriage has now gone belly up and whose TV show seems to be following suit. After TLC informed Jon that he will no longer play a significant role in the show, he informed TLC that he is pulling the plug on his children's participation. Many cried foul. Was this a form of perverse payback? Was he pulling his kids from the show for the right reasons or was it a selfish comeuppance?
For his part Jon says that he planned to pull his kids from the show way before TLC took their action and that his only consideration was the welfare of his kids.
My response: who cares? Does it matter what the motive is? Get the kids off the show. They don't belong there as they suffer through the anguish of their parents' divorce. And clearly someone here has to be the adult. And it seems to me that TLC, as a responsible broadcast network, has to understand that now that the Gosselins experiment in fame has ended in disaster it is time to give this family some alone time whether they want it or not. And that especially applies to vulnerable young children.
(Full disclosure. I spent a very brief time counseling Jon Gosselin to do exactly this. Get your kids off the show).
My own parents divorce was about 35 years ago. I don't think I have still completely recovered. I cannot imagine what it would have been like to have TV cameras in the house as it happened. I was in enough pain without having to become a fish in a fishbowl or wonder how people pitied me.
What is even more puzzling is that TLC really is a different kind of network. They spent millions of dollars sending me around the United States healing families in crisis on 'Shalom in the Home.' And yes, it was for TV. But a boatload of extra money was spent keeping me in people's homes well after the shows were completed to try and offer some help. So why would they now fiddle while this family crashes and burns?
Then there are Jon and Kate themselves. In a recent interview Kate joked that 'aliens' had come and abducted her real husband and replaced him with the partying animal portrayed by the media. She was both right and wrong. It wasn't an alien. It was something called fame. And it wasn't just Jon. It affected Jon and Kate, both Jon and Kate were carried away by its current until the entire family crashed against the rocks. Clearly before the show these were good, balanced people. They loved kids, had a huge family, and loved each other. They started the show to help pay their bills. As a father of nine I know the astronomical costs involved. But little did they realize that fame exacts a far higher price.
It's not that fame is itself a bad thing. Judaism argues, wisely, that everything in life is neutral and it is the use to which you put the item in question that will determine whether it is a blessing or a curse. Many celebrities - Bono and Oprah are fabulous cases in point - have not only survived fame but have consecrated their notoriety to causes larger and more worthy than themselves. It is, rather, fame without foundation, celebrity without balance, that is so deeply corrosive. And once you see that the fame has become an addiction and that you can no longer eat breakfast without simultaneously blogging about it, it's time to go cold turkey, at the very least until you can once again find your bearings.
Above all else, you dare not infect your children with your own insecure need to always be in the spotlight. Kids are naturally natural. They have no affectations and they don't care what people think of them. Why rob them of that innocence by thrusting them in front of a camera in their formative years? And why continue making them live their lives in the public glare when they are having to deal with extremely painful emotions?
In my new book The Michael Jackson Tapes: A Tragic Icon Reveals His Soul in Intimate Conversation, Michael is positively eloquent about the scars left by being forced to become a childhood performer at such a young age. He relates how trapped he felt as he traveled in his limo to recording studios, all the while eying other children who were lucky enough to simply play on monkey bars and have their parents push them on the merry-go-round. Funny thing, that. All of us wish we were the ones in the back of the limo. Yet all Michael wanted was the trappings of a normal childhood. We all know the rest of the story. And there is no happy ending.
Since the book's publication I have discovered many critics who object to my using Michael's life as an American morality tale, even though one of Michael's principal purposes in sitting down with me to do the interviews for the express purpose of publication was to warn parents of the dangers of childhood neglect.
In particular, many in our celebrity-obsessed culture have reacted negatively to Michael's warnings about fame. Shooting the messenger seems alot more convenient. Michael has been criticized for being a poor spokesman for family values and I have been accused by some of Michael most diehard fans of publishing the book for profit, even though the book was sold for an extremely modest advance and a large portion of any potential profits will go to fund my and Michael's longtime dream of a national family dinner night, which I am realizing through an initiative called "Turn Friday Night into Family Night." But does it really make sense that the most famous entertainer of our generation should die under such tragic circumstances and the rest of us learn nothing from his life?
And the main lesson? All the cameras and adoring fans in the world can scarcely heal the broken heart of a child forced on a stage too soon.
Rabbi Shmuley has just published The Michael Jackson Tapes: A Tragic Icon Reveals His Soul in Intimate Conversation (Vanguard Press). www.shmuley.com
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Rabbi, I applaud you for stating what so desperately needs to be stated. Ours is a culture obsessed with celebrity and nothing underscores that point more than these ridiculous 'reality' shows. I've never watched Jon & Kate, yet you cannot turn on a morning news show without seeing these ridiculous people! What have they accomplished or contributed to society that we should be so fascinated? They are a far cry from Michael Jackson (yes, I am a fan), who accomplished so much yet led a very isolated and lonely life. I am currently reading The Michael Jackson Tapes and although you have been harshly criticized for it, I want to thank you for filling in the blanks, as it were, about who Michael had become as an adult and the profound pain (both physical and emotional) he continued to carry with him. I only regret that he was unable to embrace your help--and the help of many others who also tried in their own way to redirect his life--and lead the happy existence he so deserved. Fame can be a harsh master.
Rabbi, i like you but what i don't understand is why you are selling your michael jackson tapes?
i find that somewhat repulsive considering the artist is deceased and serves no purpose other than your financial gain?
Anyone who's anyone knew that Michael had a problem with his father. This happens.
Let him rest in peace.
I applaud you for telling Jon and advising him to take the kids off of TV. i guess he needed to hear it from someone's view of outside looking in.
Kate needs to open her eyes and realize that those kids are not her source of income..she has already written one book and she can write more..or get a job on TV because that is what she wants anyway.
OH... as good as she is ,,she could not stand her ground against Nancy Grace either if Nancy grilled her like one of her criminals she is prosecuting on the stand,,this is how Nancy used to make her living and thats what she did to Jon the other day on TV. Nancy Grace must be one of Kate's idols ..
Rabbi has done the right thing to advise Jon on this .. Rabbi has seen the out come of this kind of life
forced on kids.
Kate says the kids want to film.....someone tell me that kids at that age know what is good for them ?
they are her little money makers ... and she has made all this Jon's fault in the kids eyes,she says she always leaves it up to the kids to deside if they want to film or not.. when they want to quit they will quit. Good Mommy .... they spend time with the film crew .. the crew is there baby sitters.
.
Media exploitation of multiples (in collusion with their well-meaning, but basically ignorant parents), goes back to the 1930s, with the Dionne Quintuplets of Canada. Not a pretty ending for these siblings.
Nice article. We are big fans of the Rabbi!
the entire disaster that is Jon and Kate shines a light on the sickness that is reality teevee
There are many, many more celebrities doing important charitable work than Oprah and Bono.
And Shirley Temple [who has her act together] was certainly exploited as a child as well as Judy Garland & Sammy Davis, Jr.
It's a little more complicated than you think.
You named actors. They had a purpose and were receiving praise and fame because of something they did. The cameraman did not follow them home and film their every temper tantrum.
Though, I do agree that a fine line must be walked when children are promoted as entertainers. Some parents and managers get it right, and some children (like Shirley Temple) persevere through some godawful childhoods.
Michael Jackson, a talented singer and dancer at a young age, and the Gosselins kids,who are merely an oddity. P.T.Barnum might have exploited these kids in a earlier time.
Michael Jackson's fame was as lasting as his genius.
The Gosselin children are being exploited by the parents,and TLC, and the questionable ethics of reproductive science..
Now It seems as though TLC want to raise ratings using their martial problems and divorce.
This hardly speaks to "doing it for the kids!"
Tasteless, cringe-worthy, and even immoral. Not only do I wish this show to disappear but I predict TLC will also disappear due to loss of revenue.
Americans are dealing with dealing with record unemployment and foreclosures.That's our reality We also are "trying to feed our families." Maybe they could film a family staying together
under those circumstances. That actually might be inspiring.
I, with a bit of pride, admit to never ever watching joh and kate plus 8...I don't get it...lots of families have 8 kids...to me...from the beginning it appears BOTH parents became immediate attention/fame junkies...children...just the means to the end.. I doubt any of these kids will grow up without some real issues.... what MSM and average america needs to do...ignore them...like we ignore the other familes falling apart all over this country.....they should NOT get paid more for divorcing..what is WRONG this country?
It was not only the display of these children, but the parents continual seeking attention in the media. It's very simply unhealthy behavior. There are options, counseling, asking for help from family members, etc.
Does anyone remember the series on the Loud family of Santa Barbara? I think it was done in the 70's. It followed them from a surface picture of happiness to divorce.
DIdn't the kids have drug and alcohol dssues? Didn't the father commit suicide? Sad.
You cannot be more right when it comes to Gosselin family. It is really bad when parents use their children to pay bills. Where is the morality of the network who uses this family for their own profits? Where is the instinct of the mother to protect her offspring? Too bad when money is the only compass to guide some through their lives.
Opportunist.
My sentiments exactly.
MJs celebrity raised his family out of poverty and may have actually extended his life beyond that of his black peers of the 50s. His celebrity, changed our culture in ways that will never be rivaled. You said it yourself in this article, it's not the fame, but how you use it. MJ did not need you to consecrate his fame to a higher purpose. He had accomplished this long before meeting you. Just one mention- the proceeds from over 100 concerts had been given to charity. Have you ever worked 100 nights for free to benefit charity, Rabbi? There are too many others to list here.
You wanted him to be "normal" but refused to allow him to be normal. Do you have any idea how many people are addicted to rx drugs, who aren't celebrities? It is a national epidemic. Because there are no effective long-term treatments for chronic pain and debilitating insomnia. Increased dosage for effectiveness followed by detox to re-set one's tolerance.
Dear Rabbi,
yes, Michael's fans are boycotting your book for one reason. You've had those tapes for a long time and you either did not publish it earlier because Michael was still alive and wouldn't like it or you did not think it would make any money then. You acted like Michael's friend but you turned his back to him when he was charged with child molestation in 2004. You did not support him at all. You were talking trash in front of tv cameras because it was "in". Michael was going through this ordeal supported by his family, his fans and some of his friends. But you did the opposite. It's pretty much obvious that you are trying to make profit off of this book. Why were you not saying these nice things about Michael when he needed it???? Why????
*KUDOS*
I made curiously similar comments concerning this whole MJ book
fiasco but I assume my more pointed comments were not deemed editorially germane.
Boteach has lost all credibility on this subject after his opportunistic and disingenuous handling of the Michael Jackson issue.
You know, I've been tired of people exploiting MIchael for a long time. And it's even worse now since he died. Sony is another example. This just makes me sick. It's been painful to love Michael Jackson but it's all worth it. He was great, he was magical, he was so unique but he was still a human and I don't think these people realize it. I'll keep fighting for him. Even though I did talk to him, I think I have more love and care for him then this so-called friend of Michael, Rabii Shmuley Boteach. Thanks for doing the same, IQ.
I meant "Even though I did not talk to him I have more love and care for Michael than this so-called friend of his.
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