You all have one. Probably more than one. An embarrassing, blush-inducing photo of yourself with truly regrettable hair and make-up. It's usually coupled with a clothing choice so heinous it can't even be condoned with the catch-all excuse of, "That was the style."
It was a bright, electric green body suit with shoulder pads and a cuffed, zig-zag pattern hem. You paired it with jungle red ankle boots and a gold, sequin skully cap. You popped its collar. Unless it was Halloween and you were dressed as some sort of Rick James/Christmas Tree hybrid, it was never "the style." Seriously, get a hold of yourself.
That being said, prom season is upon us and what better time for Forever 21 to unleash a parade of instantly regrettable dresses? Meet the future focal points of pictures that will forever mar the precious memories from prom, 2011.
Forever 21, WTF?
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This is the Charlie Sheen of garments. Artificially shiny. Bloated. Blissfully unaware of its own trainwreck-ishness. Reaks of full tar Marlboros. Plus, I'm pretty sure it's the exact color of Tiger Blood.
Mustard yellow. Unnecessary pleats. A flagrant abuse of pick-ups and an absurd rosette on the hip. This is what Chiquita Banana would wear to her prom.
Like most prom night sex experiences, this is all good until it goes below the waist. Then it's just an abruptly ended, haphazard, unskilled disaster.
Yet more pick-ups. And a one-shouldered situation has occurred now. Floppy rosettes? Check. This is too much trend, with way too little sanity.
Ironically, the "Voluminous Rosette Dress" is the least poofy of all these taffeta misfires. But what it lacks in volume it makes up for in resemblance to that pile of dirty towels I've been meaning to get to all week.
For the girl who wants to remember her prom as the magical evening she danced the night away wearing something resembling the landscape of an exposed human brain. GLAMOR.
Fathers, lock up your male baboons because they may mistake your daughter's dress skirt for the luscious folds of their mate's anuses.
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