Raising Mini-Addicts

Four years ago, almost to the week, I gave birth to my first child, a daughter. Eighteen short months later, her little brother joined us and I found myself with two small eyes watching everything I did.

(No, really, they do. Don't believe me? Try to shave your bikini line with two small children in the general vicinity. It won't be long until you hear shouts of "What are you doing?!?")

I think like most other breeders, I believe I'm trying to do the best for my kids. I want them to be happy, well-rounded kids. I want them to hopefully have good lives, whatever they deem that to be.

I have to say I'm a little concerned about what I'm up against. A couple weekends ago, we went to a birthday party where a 4-year-old had her very own computer situated on a kid-sized table. Surrounding the computer were a variety of computer games for her use.

My jaw dropped to the floor. A computer? For a 4-year-old? Are you serious? The most my children know about computer is that sometimes we let our daughter use the paint function and that there are both photos and videos on it.

They are never allowed to touch the computer without our direct consent.

We are raising a generation of children who have access to technological gadgets at increasingly young ages. I've seen pre-kindergarteners with iPods, elementary school aged children with cell phones, pre-teens texting--the list goes on and on.

But have we stopped to think about what the consequences are for our children who are growing up in such a technologically-advanced age?

Two Spanish children, ages 12 and 13, have been admitted to a psychiatric hospital for cell phone addictions. According to the article linked, the two teens were unable to go about their daily lives without cell phones, going so far as to lie to relatives to get money for the phones.

Doctors quoted said the parents had done little to curb their phone use before realizing just how far it had gone. So, let me get this straight. These two children, because that's what they are, had free-range on their phones? They could call and text whenever they wanted and their parents were surprised at the results?

Did they ever consider disconnecting these phones?

We are raising a generation of children who can't go about their daily lives without all these technological gadgets. While it is easy to think these things are harmless, we don't know the full ramifications of their use just yet. Only when these children who are raised with the gadgets become adults will we see how they turn out.

I'm constantly amazed at the websites aimed at children my daughter's age. I get emails about them from time to time, inviting my child online to do "crafts" or "play games" with her favorite characters. All the major networks aimed at children have sections for kids and it scares me to death.

I haven't made any set "rules" regarding these devices and my children just yet. They're still young and haven't shown any interest in playing on the computer or getting an iPod (thankfully). I'm not dim; I realize the day will come that they'll wonder what else is on the computer besides paintbrush.

When that happens, you can bet that I won't be giving them a free for all on a computer or with a different gadget. I want them to learn to use these items in moderation while still enjoying the non-technical side of life.

Phones and computers do have places in our lives, and it isn't at the top of an altar for them to worship.

Comments

[cinemaven]

My sons have had access to the computer since they were old enough to sit in the desk chair. At 21 and 15, they are frighteningly proficient in anything having to do with the computer. The computer has always just been there and they've always been allowed to play on it so neither is addicted.

We're different from most families because our ONLY computer is in our living room with the screen facing into the room (along with our ONLY TV and home phone). For eye and back strain reasons, we try to not stay on the computer for more than an hour at a time. Both of my boys were early readers because they would be very engaged by nature, comic or gaming sites and wanted to know what the words were. Both are now voracious readers and I think that's due to their computer use.

A computer can be a very positive tool for teaching kids. My youngest is also left handed and can keyboard at 70wpm but only writes at 9wpm so he's at his most expressive when he's on the keyboard. I think parenting (or lack thereof) is the key in all of the situations outlined in this article. TV's, cell phones, computers, video games aren't evil or dangerous when there are realistic expectations, guidelines and most of all, a good parental example for their use. :)

[ciphoto]

My youngest daughter, who is almost 16 has been using the computer since she could sit at the desk.

We would put on a word process or drawing program and let her bang away. We did lose some early Quicken files but nothing to major.

After she realized the mouse moved the cursor, at about age 2 maybe a little earlier, she was off. We had a interface for the mac call At Ease I believe and she could then open programs she wanted to see with clickable objects, sights, sounds etc...

Above her are 3 other children, ranging from from 30 down, all exposed to early game systems and technology being use to enhance or help organize or life from recipes to game play. But the kids computer and game systems have always been in the living room, and with rules on usage.

But she is the largest user. From the cell phone texting to Myspace and Facebook. She is also an honor student, a avid reader, has a part time job, and very active socially.

Children raised with responsible use of technology is very similar to raising your children to drink responsibility, to be considerate or others, and to value and use tools to make themselves better people.

[cinemaven]

Well said ciphoto!!

I really believe that having the computer in the living room (as well as the television, videogames and other entertainment systems) is the key. My nieces and nephews all have computers, televisions, video game systems in their bedrooms. My sisters constantly complain that they don't sleep well, wake up late and are always tired.... like it's a mystery they can't solve.

In our house we all have to work around each other. If one is on the computer, there's a negotiation for time. We only have one tv and have to negotiate for what we watch. Our bedrooms have books and music in them but that's about it so they are often used for sleeping in. I can't even remember the last time there was an argument or whine over either the tv or computer.

Like your daughter, my youngest is the largest user but he still doesn't come close in usage to any of his friends even on his busiest days and he's so well rounded and responsible.

[Rendon76]

I'm having that problem with my nephew. He's 6 years old and tops the charts in Call Of Duty 4. His little hand is stretching across the keyboard to precisely pull off moves. The problem is that's all the thinks about now. He hasn't been going to sleep lately. I'm an adult, I have weird hours, I stay up all night through the morning and sleep in the afternoon (trying to shake this off) and as long as I'm on the computer he won't go to sleep. I'm going to cut off his game playing or strictly reduce and monitor it because I see a bad future for kids with internet addiction. I mean you could argue that TV was the same but the Internet brings in the factor of interaction with other people, a lot sometimes bad, and XXX content at every corner. Parents and guardians are going to have to kick it up a notch during these new times.

[r81801]

Children do what they see, not what you tell them to. They're surrounded by adults on cells and computers, so of course that's what they want to do too.

If kids obsess about baseball scores or presidents or dinosaurs, people think it's cute. If it's a computer game, suddenly it's wrong. To me, it's no difference.

If something is causing actual harm to your child, then deal with it; if it's just your fear of technology and change, then deal with yourself.

[cinemaven]

Call of Duty is rated MATURE.
Blood and Gore, Intense Violence, Strong Language... great for a 6 yr. old... I especially like the part where you have to shoot the dog or snap it's neck because really, isn't that an experience that's just made to teach a 6 year old what the world is about? Just what is it you're trying to "kick up a notch"?

[ecotopian]

I have three kids ten and under. They got my old computer when I bought a new one. They use it to go to miniclip.com to play the games there. Now that it is summer, they are out of the house and playing. The computer is an after thought. We have more channels than you can shake a stick at, but the TV is rarely on.

My question is, do you turn your media off? Just because you have it, doesn't mean you have to have it on. My kids would rather read or play than watch TV, but that's the way I raised them. Kids will do this if they are raised with the idea that there is something other than TV to entertain them. It's up to us parents to get this message across.

[stavros]

Shelter your children from everything you never had.
Block access and they will find a way anyway.
Teach them to grow up without interference.
They will interfere.
It's life.
That's the way to go forward.

[LizzyTish]

I definitely see your point. I'd be interested to know your feelings on television watching?

We don't have cable at my house, but we do use computers. My daughter (almost 5) is allowed to use it, after asking, to visit her favorite websites (PlayhouseDisney and PBSKids). I have no problem with it. If anything, it feels more productive than her TV time ever did (she still watches DVDs). She gets less of it but, I think, feels more fulfilled by it, it's less passive.

[mijumom]

You can literally spot the kids in a classroom that have excessive exposure to computers, TV and video games. Worse, they usually get diagnosed with ADD. I've seen it firsthand. We struggle constantly in our home to limit the media exposure. It seems that these days parents and grandparents find it unfathomable to just be with children with out plopping them in front of some screen that will keep them perpetually engaged. It is sad. The worst is how addictive it is and how my children pine for and covet their screen-time (no matter how long I give them so it is not about forbidden fruit).

My kids also see me on my computer and my spouse works at home on a computer so we find ourselves being a bit hypocritical. Still, these children have growing and impressionable minds. It is our duty as parents to make sure our children can play, write, create and otherwise entertain themselves without the need for constant outside stimulation.

[FatallyHip]

The same complaint as been made about radio and television for decades.

[avraamjack]

.
They were correct about television.
.

[arunachala]

nice post. does anyone else see the irony here?

[kellygrrrl]

that thought crossed my mind