The Ides — and Tides — of March

Today marks the Ides of March, made famous in history and literature as the day on which Julius Caesar was assassinated by members of his inner circle in a deed of political and personal reckoning. Far be it from me to stretch a literary metaphor, but it struck me that this year, the Ides of March falls at a time when a similar tide is turning for another administration.

Shakespeare's Caesar said "let me have men about me that are fat," and indeed the safety in being surrounded by fat cats is in their utter satisfaction with their lot, and utter disincentive to rock that happy boat. But in Washington, a guy by the name of Jack Abramoff had a "lean and hungry look" (well, metaphorically; apparently he's actually pretty buff). He, too, had men about him who were fat, and he was more than happy to trade a couple of favors to help them stay that way.

Tom DeLay, Bob Ney, Ken Mehlman — who else didn't know Jack Abramoff? In his damning Vanity Fair article, David Margolick calls Abramoff "the fellow responsible for what might be the biggest government scandal since Watergate," a dubious figure linked to many but acknowledged by few. "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, in that we are underlings," says Cassius, lean and hungry and willing to play the underling no longer. So, too, is Abramoff; as Margolick says, ominously, being "airbrushed out of a whole community...where he was very nearly ubiquitous and invincible — it's enough to hurt someone's feelings." Abramoff may have been an underling but he's not going down without a fight, and rather than peep out from behind the massive legs of the Republican Colossus he'd sooner bite a chunk out of it from below.

Alas, poor Yorick, this metaphor is strained — Julius Caesar applies less for its plot points than for its themes (though some may recognize Bill Frist in the longwinded, pompous and keenly ambitious Casca, and Marc Antony's populist, sloganeering speech was truly Rove-worthy — "The good is oft interred with their bones" is classic spin). More than anything, though, the Ides of March have come to represent that day of reckoning, a day when the status quo is challenged and the tides must turn. Julius Caesar is about the turning of those tides, literally: "there is a tide in the affairs of men; which, taken at the flood, lead on to fortune." Ah but what kind of fortune — the kind that lines the pocket of those atop ambition's ladder or results in a guy who knows far too much muttering darkly, "any important Republican who comes out and says they didn't know me is almost certainly lying?"

High-ranking Republicans can dismiss what Abramoff's saying and claim it's all Greek to them, but the damage may already be done; says Margolick: "With congressional staffers and, perhaps, some congressmen willing to say anything to save their own skins, the fire could spread unabated." There is a tide, and eventually, all tides must turn.

P.S. All right, Yorick, have it your way — here are some other quotes from Julius Caesar that are eerily evocative of this administration:

• "Pardon me, thou bleeding piece of earth" — yep, I think this applies);
  
• "To touch Calpurnia; for our elders say/The barren, touched in this holy chase/Shake off their sterile curse" — that's got a nice ring to it, Shakespeare, but next time why don't you go with something catchy like "sodomized as bad as you can make it?"
  
• "Cry 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war" — We're coming up on the three-year anniversary of another day of reckoning. That, too, happened around the Ides of March.

Yes, purists, I know. Yorick's from Hamlet. But still.