Teaching Girls They're More Than a Pretty Face

"Study after study shows that girls believe how they look is the key to their popularity -- their self-esteem. They think how they look is who they are."

These are the words of Peggy Orenstein, author of Cinderella Ate My Daughter, in a discussion for Body, Mind and Child. She was joined by Diane Levin, co-author of So Sexy, So Soon, who concurred that, for girls, appearance determines their value. Worse, they both agreed, a girl's appearance is more often -- at younger and younger ages -- being defined by how sexy she is.

Did you know that nearly half of all 3- to 6-year-old girls now worry about being fat? Were you aware that the sexualization of children has led to eating disorders in those as young as 6, and that children rank body image among their highest concerns? What was your highest concern when you were 6-years-old? Mine was having enough time to play!

This kind of stuff should serve as a wake-up call to parents. But because today's young children spend much of their time in preschool and childcare settings, early childhood professionals should also take notice. They, too, can play a part in helping young girls grasp that they are more than how they look. And they can start with how they talk to girls!

Lisa Bloom wrote an excellent piece for HuffPost on this topic, in which she suggests that we adults not make constant reference to matters of appearance. Unfortunately, we all do it. Little girls are just so darn cute that we can't help ourselves. We take one look and squeal, "Don't you look adorable today!" "I love that dress you're wearing!" "Oooh, what a pretty ribbon you've got in your hair!" So why wouldn't girls believe that their appearance matters most?

Diane Levin suggested that, instead, we talk to girls about their interests and abilities. That may seem like one of those "duh" statements, but just wait until you try it. As Peggy Orenstein told me, it's tough to limit comments about girls' appearance -- that it makes adults tense. She admitted that when she first began trying, it felt really awkward -- as though, by not saying something positive, she was tacitly saying something negative about their appearance.

But, awkward as it may be, we need to make the effort. We also need to provide images of females who are known, not for their gyrations on MTV or their provocative poses on magazine covers, but for the contributions they make to society. As an early childhood professional, you can choose books to read in which female characters are strong and capable. You can take the children on field trips to see female doctors, dentists, chefs, and postmasters at work. Invite women who are police officers, artists, or musicians to visit the classroom. These kinds of activities allow the boys, as well as the girls, to perceive females in a whole new way.

Check out Peggy Orenstein's website; you'll find an ever-evolving list of resources, including picture books, movies, and more. Then visit TRUCE (Teachers Resisting Unhealthy Children's Entertainment), of which Diane Levin is a member and where you can find more information and support. And be sure to listen to the Body, Mind and Child segment, in which Dr. Levin also offers suggestions for expanding little girls' play when they're merely imitating the princesses to which they're overly exposed.

Then head on over to the nearest little girl. Ask for her thoughts on the book you've most recently read, on her favorite sport, or even on the day's weather. Trust me, she'll be happy to tell you!

 

 

 

Follow Rae Pica on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@bodymindchild

Comments

[Dr Carol]

12:45 PM on 08/13/2011

Some other options are to talk to them about their talents or interests instead of their outward appearance. Self expression can come in so many forms and no two kids are like, so help them find their voice. Talking to them about different art forms could be a great conversation starter and a new hidden talent could just be revealed. Research has shown that activities such as singing, playing instruments and writing can serve as very powerful forms of expression that help build self-esteem.

http://dr-carol.com

[Selfesteem]

08:59 AM on 08/13/2011

How we look gives us confidence, but our awareness of who we are -- our qualities and gifts within -- and the sharing our our "trueness" with others is the root of authentic self-esteem.

And you are soooooooooooooo correct that even the smallest action can make a positive impact on a child's self esteem!!!

http://journalbuddies.com/

[schadenfreudeaz]

12:50 PM on 08/12/2011

I've read a lot on this subject, but I haven't really seen a lot being done about it. Instead, I see more TV shows like "Toddlers and Tiaras" hitting the air. Schools and daycares need to train their faculty to be aware of situations like these, and should also offer free courses to parents, as well. Also, people should start boycotting media outlets that promote messages like this. Unfortunately, that's hard to do if one wishes to keep up-to-date with important news of the world because the two fields have become so heavily integrated.

[J R M]

07:46 PM on 08/11/2011

While young women may be concerned about their appearance, they are still studying hard enough to dominate college admissions and increasingly dominate a number of highly skilled professions. It doesn't seem to me that we actually have a serious problem.

The popular culture is all but wholly corrupt and wrongheaded, but that has been true for a long time.

[Danielle G]

06:20 PM on 08/11/2011

Hmmm, lets see; blame the parents instead of the real focus on the real issue. That is certainly not very helpful. My eyes, as a parent, have been wide open to the reality of standards being set for women and young girls; it sure is not the parents that are setting them though. Watch any twenty-minute segment of T.V. and count the partially nude women that you see for commercials as rediculous as: SOBE, mens shaving supplies, mens hair products, mens E.D., etc., am I painting a picture for you? If it is not T.V. setting the standards of "how girls/women should look, just look around you driving down the street; check out the local Hooters sign, or how about the Showgirls sign; not to mention the bulletin boards depicting how beautiful a women's body is after plastic surgery! As for finding strong, public female role models, it seems to be more and more difficult to find women who have not lowered their own standards and posed nude for film and/or magazines that exploit women for male enjoyment. But yeah, us parents need to fix our kids; we are doing our jobs, how about you?

[Rae Pica]

10:19 PM on 08/11/2011

I never once blamed the parents, Danielle. I only pointed out that they need to be aware of these issues -- as we all must.

[Danielle G]

10:59 PM on 08/11/2011

"This kind of stuff should serve as a wake-up call to parents."
I was simply stating that parents cannot prevent all of the aforementioned things in this world that create issues for young (and older) girls. Parents are awake to these issues I am sure; I don't know a single mother that tells her daughter that she is not sexy and therefore not worthy. I do hear parents, moms and dads, struggle with explanations to their daughters on why the front cover of a magazine is showing a partially nude super model, or what the name "showgirls" or "hooters" means as they drive past on a family outting. I think if any body needs a wake up call it is the media in all forms.
I meant no disrespect I just believe that if we can all see what is happening, we need to focus on the direct causation of the damages. If we are going to open the eyes of parents, we need to start by reasuring them that it is ok to stand up against the ever growing acceptence of female exploitation.