The Curse of Domestic Violence: A Cycle of Abuse from Father to Son

Recently, the Santa Fe New Mexican mentioned how the current economy is causing a rise in the number of cases of domestic violence. Of course, domestic violence abounds no matter the state of the economy. We will always need to take steps in the hope of recognizing and preventing domestic violence.

Unfortunately, I am no stranger to domestic violence. I grew up where spousal abuse was very common.

My sister's violent husband murdered my brother and sister. When she attempted to break away, he took after her and killed both, in front of their respective children. Her two kids ended up with no father or mother.

My aunt ran off in the middle of the night, leaving her seven children in the hands of her abusive husband. It was that or be beaten to death. You can guess how they turned out, but on the other hand, she would have been killed if she had stayed.

Another aunt finally left her husband for the same reason, but she took her five kids with her. They lived in fear of his reprisal until the day he died of alcoholism.

Yet another relative was constantly driven to seek shelter with her family whenever her husband took to beating her. We, young boys, were the barrier between her and her gang banger husband.

In my current position as a pediatrician, domestic violence is a situation I have to deal with on a regular basis. One family that illustrates the horrible consequences of violence comes to mind readily:

One mother came into my office with her kids trailing behind, all huddled together. It was obvious she had suffered another beating, and the kids had been witnesses. No matter how many times her husband was arrested, upon his release, he would proceed to beat her and threaten to kill her if she reported him again.

One day she came in happy and looked ten years younger. He was back in jail for another crime and wouldn't be out for years. She thought her troubles were over. Well, she was wrong. Her son stabbed her to death when she tried to prevent him from hurting his girlfriend.

He, like many other children from abusive homes, learned to mimic the ways of his father. Too many children learn to settle disputes with their fists rather than with rational discussion.

How can boys raised in this type of environment learn any differently? It is nice to say we have to show them or teach them by example, but what example can we use? Celebrities are almost nothing but poor role models, and the children obviously don't have any at home. The sad simple fact is that kids raised in dysfunctional households are at risk of becoming abusers themselves.

The only thing we can do is seek to identify these at-risk kids as early as possible, looking for warning signs such as the use of violence to resolve issues or evidence of domestic violence among parents. Then, we do the best we can for the children by reporting the violence and supporting and volunteering for organizations that work with at-risk kids. The Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization has shown that one-on-one mentoring leads to a significant decrease in future drug and alcohol abuse as well as keeping children out of jail. If programs such as these are widely supported, we might succeed in reducing the incidence of domestic violence.

Comments

[been2there]

I did break the violent cycle, but at tremendous personal cost. My husband is great, very gentle and strong, and my son can't concieve of using violence except in self-defense. I still have to force myself out of bed each day.