Huffpost Comedy
The Blog

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Randall Headshot

Dancin' on the Debt Ceiling

Posted: Updated:
JOHN BOEHNER DEBT CEILING VOTE
AP

Okay, so the deadline is fast approaching: August 2nd! Oooh, what will you wear when the debt ceiling is raised? Will they raise it? Will the United States default, causing the Treasury Department to freak out? I sincerely hope there isn't a big economic freak out... again! The most common stupid misconception I've read and heard about this whole messy-mess is in raising the debt ceiling, this somehow means big government will spend more money -- which is what's prompting so many Tea Party/GOP to request a cut in Fed spending. Actually, Tea Party peeps don't want the roof to be raised at all! But what's worse?: paying the bills and what's owed to peeps of this country or being viewed worldwide as "bad creditors" and defaulting? Then, what? We get smacked with higher interests and yoda, yoda, yoda.

It's all just so creepy, isn't it? When does one get to relax? What is "retirement" anyway these days? My uncle, Benny, he's 96 and has been trying to retire since the 80's -- and I don't mean the decade -- i mean "his" 80's!!! More and more senior citizens are doing their best to re-join the workforce, simply because Social Security ain't cuttin' it. How horrible. "Raise high the debt ceiling, carpenters!" I say -- give us 'nuff room to dance! 'Member how we used to always dance on the ceiling? Those were the salad days.

Since 1962, Congress has raised the debt ceiling, chandeliers and all, 74 times. And like, 10 times alone since 2001. FYI, the first debt "cap" was implemented in 1917 -- now that was a good year in music! Anyways, without raising the debt roof, we run the risk also of having a shitty credit score on a global level...can you say "oy"?

My look at the debt ceiling situation includes a bit about former IMF head, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, or as I like to call him, "Creepy PeePee," 'cause he seems to be a rude, money-power man who's been accused of attacking women with his ding-dong! Terrible.

Then, I pay tribute to Liza and her recent and quietly covered French Legion of Honor Officer award. So, there's a lot to get to here and a lot going on in this nutty country of ours. And once you step outside of this country, you'll find things are daffy all over! All I know is as a proud citizen of our United States, I really wish we didn't have to worry and bust our humps as often as we do!