How-to-Have a Proper Affair

06/09/2011 12:15 pm ET | Updated Aug 08, 2011

There are so many crazy, wild men out there these days, aren't there? Good, Lord! Men whom without online social platforms such as Facebook or Twitter, would probably be out in the park wearing a trench coat and flashing anything that moved! There's no question about it, stupid, today's technology has made it easier for people to act like horny fools.

In my day, you'd take some racy, well-lit pictures, get them developed at the store, then send them randomly to people in the mail. Granted, the response would take forever, but you get the idea--things like this have always existed. Some men, itchy to find another lover, choose the old fashioned approach--you know, lewd comments, heavy breathing and a lil' power play.

Ultimately, since women seem better than men at keeping their secret loves on the DL, I've created a video which will help explain the proper way, the "do's and don't's" if you will, of having an affair. Mind you, I in no way condone such behavior--one should always sit down with their partner and figure it all out before getting to such a stupid point in the relationship; but if you must, my tips will help you be a better, cheating schmuck!