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Randi Gunther
In my 40-year-career as a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor, I’ve spent over 100,000 face-to-face hours with singles and couples. Together, we’ve explored all the reasons why their relationships so often start out euphoric only to crumble and how they can turn those disappointments into future successes. I truly believe that the greatest obstacles standing between you and the love you want is often right before your eyes but you are unable to envision the journey.

My specialty is to help you look deeply at yourself and your relationships with heroic honesty so that you can finally create lasting transformation. You’ll finally understand why you’ve struggled in love, and what skills you’ll need to create the kind of relationship you’ve always wanted - one in which you fall deeper in love while simultaneously scaling the heights of your individual potential. It’s how my husband and I have made our marriage our bedrock for over 60 years. Subscribe to my free advice newsletter at where I’ll tell you everything I have learned about finding and keeping a truly heroic relationship.

Entries by Randi Gunther

How Can I Be More Popular?

(0) Comments | Posted April 8, 2016 | 3:27 PM

Most people want to be socially desirable and do everything they can to make that happen. Yet, despite their sincere efforts, they often are not effective in increasing their popularity. Even when their friends sincerely try to shore them up, encouraging them to look at their positive attributes, they know...

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Are You Ready to Commit?

(0) Comments | Posted February 2, 2016 | 2:50 PM

In the past, women were the gender most likely to ask me how to get their male partners to commit to a long-term relationship. My male patients more often asked for advice as to how they could better "score" with a desired...

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Are You Withholding Love?

(0) Comments | Posted January 22, 2016 | 10:39 AM

Relationship seekers today are likely to go through a series of lovers before committing to a long-term relationship. Sadly, some don't ever succeed in finding the kind of love they seek. If they keep trying but continue to fail, they become so disillusioned that they finally give up and stop...

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Contrasting Expressions of Love

(0) Comments | Posted December 7, 2015 | 1:18 PM


The thoughts, feelings and actions of love are some of the most beautiful gifts one person can give to another. Being treasured, honored, and desired enhances our vulnerability and strengthens our sense of personal value.

When intimate partners experience deepening love for...

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The Real Secrets of a Great Relationship

(0) Comments | Posted November 13, 2015 | 9:02 AM

There are so many places for couples to get advice on what behaviors make a great relationship happen, and last. Endless blogs, books, articles, and the media offer multiple suggestions about what intimate partners can do to be successful. Yet, even when they embrace great communication, sexual regeneration, trust, and...

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Can Texting Sabotage Emotional Intimacy?

(0) Comments | Posted October 27, 2015 | 12:10 PM

Texting is one of the modern miracles of our time but, despite its obvious advantages, it also has the power to damage intimate relationships. Frequent and instant texts and responses keep lovers in constant contact, but can they really communicate what true intimacy is all about? Words, emoticons, or even...

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Rigid Gender Roles -- Enemies of the New Intimacy

(0) Comments | Posted September 23, 2015 | 3:26 PM


Living within traditional male and female roles in committed relationships is currently undergoing significant scrutiny. Whether in straight or gay relationships, what was once the established status quo of the male role as dominant and protective, and the female role as supportive and...

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Crusting Over -- The High Cost of Emotional Armoring

(1) Comments | Posted July 2, 2015 | 1:07 PM


If you are like most people, you were much more vulnerable and open when you started experiencing intimate relationships than you are now. Before the disappointments and heartbreaks that you've most likely faced, you were more willing to enter your partner's internal world...

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Too Many Choices

(2) Comments | Posted June 10, 2015 | 12:22 PM

Many years ago I was visiting one of my daughters in San Luis Obispo, California. There was one car wash in town, owned for three generations by the same family. While the owner was hand-washing my car, his wife made me a tuna-fish sandwich for my long ride home to...

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Haven't We Met Before? -- Uncanny 'Past Life' Memories

(0) Comments | Posted May 27, 2015 | 5:00 PM


Despite the many well-educated skeptics demeaning the possibility of "inherited" relationships, I cannot invalidate what so many people have shared with me over the past four decades. They are sane and rational beings, who reveal their stories with understandable discomfort. But, once they...

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Are You Falling Out of Love?

(0) Comments | Posted March 27, 2015 | 6:14 PM


People who question whether they should stay in a long-term relationship are often deeply conflicted about their decisions, especially if the partner they are going to leave behind will be wounded. By the time they come to see me, they have usually struggled...

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Displaced, Replaced, Erased -- The Anguishing Heartbreaks of Rejection

(1) Comments | Posted March 11, 2015 | 1:18 PM


Of all of the possible experiences people endure when they are abandoned in love, rejection is probably the most painful. Once felt beloved and valuable, they are understandably demoralized and broken when they are no longer "necessary" in another's life. A once familiar...

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Tired of Being Tired? Stop Your Energy Drains

(1) Comments | Posted February 19, 2015 | 12:36 PM


Many of my therapy patients are telling me these days that they are overwhelmed and exhausted in ways they have never felt before. They can't seem to find the time or space to regenerate and are overwhelmed with what they feel obligated to...

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Sexy, Sensual or Intimate -- What Is Your Sexual Style?

(0) Comments | Posted February 3, 2015 | 10:25 AM

When I ask my patients this question, most of them believe that their personal sexual style is a blend of all three, and they just change the percentages depending on their current partner. Yet, when we take the time to thoroughly examine their sexual history, they are often surprised to...

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'I Didn't Mean to Hurt You'

(2) Comments | Posted December 30, 2014 | 3:39 PM


All intimate couples fight. The way they resolve those battles will determine the outcome of their relationship. The greatest enemy to resolution is blaming the other partner for the problem. When the people in a committed relationship learn to take responsibility for their...

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The 6 Most Common Enemies of Intimacy

(0) Comments | Posted December 7, 2014 | 11:34 AM


In the beginning of an intimate relationship, new partners strive to give it all they can. They want to love deeply, give from their hearts, and to be treasured similarly in return. They are very careful to practice those behaviors that keep their...

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How Stress Hurts Relationships and What to Do About It

(0) Comments | Posted November 24, 2014 | 4:38 PM


Prolonged stress dulls our receptivity to intimate connection. We forget how to love or let love in. We lose our ability to feel, to think, and to act, in cherishing ways and inadvertently push the people we most care about away.

Stress is...

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Is Your Relationship Making You Crazy? Here's How to Stop the Madness

(0) Comments | Posted October 22, 2014 | 1:28 PM


Intimate partners count on each other to maintain a "sane" interaction between them. In short, that means they have a common reality they both share, a way that each believes the other will see things in approximately the same way. Though they might...

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Is Your Relationship Really Broken? 8 Rays of Hope

(0) Comments | Posted October 8, 2014 | 5:49 PM


By the time I see couples in my office, they have tried to do everything they can on their own to work through the difficulties they are encountering. They've run into a wall that is either caused by an accumulation of sorrows or...

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Has 'Excess' Become an Addiction?

(1) Comments | Posted August 29, 2014 | 4:37 PM

Addiction can simply be defined as making short-term choices that have long-term negative consequences. It stands to reason, then, that continuously living life immersed in overdrive could reasonably be considered addictive behavior. In today's world, more and more people are doing just that and regularly confess to me that they...

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