iOS app Android app

Randi Gunther
GET UPDATES FROM Randi Gunther
 
In my 40-year-career as a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor, I’ve spent over 100,000 face-to-face hours with singles and couples. Together, we’ve explored all the reasons why their relationships so often start out euphoric only to crumble and how they can turn those disappointments into future successes. I truly believe that the greatest obstacles standing between you and the love you want is often right before your eyes but you are unable to envision the journey.

My specialty is to help you look deeply at yourself and your relationships with heroic honesty so that you can finally create lasting transformation. You’ll finally understand why you’ve struggled in love, and what skills you’ll need to create the kind of relationship you’ve always wanted - one in which you fall deeper in love while simultaneously scaling the heights of your individual potential. It’s how my husband and I have made our marriage our bedrock for over 60 years. Subscribe to my free advice newsletter at www.heroiclove.com where I’ll tell you everything I have learned about finding and keeping a truly heroic relationship.

Entries by Randi Gunther

'I Didn't Mean to Hurt You'

(2) Comments | Posted December 30, 2014 | 4:39 PM

2014-12-30-HERO_HuffPost_IDidntMeantoHurtYou_570x238_Image3.jpg

All intimate couples fight. The way they resolve those battles will determine the outcome of their relationship. The greatest enemy to resolution is blaming the other partner for the problem. When the people in a committed relationship learn to take responsibility for their...

Read Post

The 6 Most Common Enemies of Intimacy

(1) Comments | Posted December 7, 2014 | 12:34 PM

2014-12-05-HERO__EnemiesofIntimacy_Image_1242014.jpg

In the beginning of an intimate relationship, new partners strive to give it all they can. They want to love deeply, give from their hearts, and to be treasured similarly in return. They are very careful to practice those behaviors that keep their...

Read Post

How Stress Hurts Relationships and What to Do About It

(0) Comments | Posted November 24, 2014 | 5:38 PM

2014-11-11-Hero_HuffPost_WhyStressedOutPartnersCantFullyLove.jpg

Prolonged stress dulls our receptivity to intimate connection. We forget how to love or let love in. We lose our ability to feel, to think, and to act, in cherishing ways and inadvertently push the people we most care about away.

Stress is...

Read Post

Is Your Relationship Making You Crazy? Here's How to Stop the Madness

(0) Comments | Posted October 22, 2014 | 2:28 PM

2014-10-21-Isyourrelationshipmakingyoucrazy.jpg

Intimate partners count on each other to maintain a "sane" interaction between them. In short, that means they have a common reality they both share, a way that each believes the other will see things in approximately the same way. Though they might...

Read Post

Is Your Relationship Really Broken? 8 Rays of Hope

(0) Comments | Posted October 8, 2014 | 6:49 PM

2014-10-07-IsYourRelationshipReallyBrokenEightRaysofHope.jpg

By the time I see couples in my office, they have tried to do everything they can on their own to work through the difficulties they are encountering. They've run into a wall that is either caused by an accumulation of sorrows or...

Read Post

Has 'Excess' Become an Addiction?

(1) Comments | Posted August 29, 2014 | 5:37 PM

Addiction can simply be defined as making short-term choices that have long-term negative consequences. It stands to reason, then, that continuously living life immersed in overdrive could reasonably be considered addictive behavior. In today's world, more and more people are doing just that and regularly confess to me that they...

Read Post

Why Great Husbands Are Being Abandoned

(269) Comments | Posted August 13, 2014 | 2:45 PM

Not so many years ago, married men had the freedom to live by one set of rules away from home, and a different set at the hearth. Because they held the power to distribute resources however they wished, they could decide what and when to share them. As women have...

Read Post

If We Weren't Already Married, Would You Choose Me Again?

(2) Comments | Posted July 18, 2014 | 9:24 PM

When I deal with married couples facing difficulties in their relationship, I know that the key to help them effectively resolve their current problem lies in finding the core of love they felt for each other when they began their relationship. If they can revisit the reasons they originally chose...

Read Post

Is It Ever OK To Pursue Your Happiness At The Cost Of Someone Else's?

(1) Comments | Posted June 15, 2014 | 9:42 AM

For the past four decades I have specialized in helping people form, fix, and rebuild intimate relationships. Sadly, despite every possible effort expended, some don't survive. Even once-loving couples have a hard time surviving indiscretions, worn-out repetitions of bored interactions, or life's unexpected stressors. Sometimes they have just outgrown what...

Read Post

Write Anger/Speak Love: Ending Bickering

(0) Comments | Posted March 24, 2014 | 2:39 PM

Within all intimate relationships there are great interactions, so-so interactions and destructive interactions. In the early months of a new love, there are always more of the positive and less of the negative. The combination of lust and discovery blankets most conflicts and forgiveness is readily abundant.

...

Read Post

Revelations and Resolutions: A Different Challenge for the New Year

(0) Comments | Posted December 30, 2013 | 5:31 PM

My patients have told me over the years that their average time to break their New Year's resolutions varies between two days and six weeks. Their intent is pure, their demons have weakened, and their commitment is solid, yet they cannot hold to their own promises.

The reasons are many...

Read Post

Virtual Infidelity -- If I Don't Touch, Am I Still Being Unfaithful?

(13) Comments | Posted December 18, 2013 | 6:50 AM

Defining an affair used to be relatively simple. One or both partners in an intimate, exclusive relationship begin a sexual relationship with another person without their partner's knowledge or permission. That partner, excluded from the option to vote, may not initially notice that anything is wrong, but, over time, notices...

Read Post

Emotional Reactivity -- The Bane Of Intimate Communication

(0) Comments | Posted October 18, 2013 | 7:10 AM

How wonderful it would be to be totally relaxed and comfortable when the most important person in your life is finding fault with you. How amazing it would be to let the critiques fly by and respond with only graciousness and dignity.

Many years ago, in the early days...

Read Post

Who Owns Your Relationship Score Card?

(1) Comments | Posted August 12, 2013 | 12:37 PM

If you are like most people, you have determined your own sense of worth by the ways others have responded to you throughout your life. Knowing that the fulfillment of your needs and desires are dependent upon those appraisals, you have sought to know what others may think and feel...

Read Post

How You Say 'Hello' And 'Goodbye' -- A Meaningful Way To Evaluate Your Intimate Relationship

(5) Comments | Posted March 16, 2013 | 8:26 AM

When you open the front door to where your 2-year-old awaits your homecoming, you won't have a chance to put down whatever is in your hands, read the mail, go to the bathroom, make a phone call or leave the spot at which you are attacked with voracious affection. That...

Read Post

The Most Important Quality Of An Intimate Partner

(94) Comments | Posted February 13, 2013 | 6:56 AM

I hope you are understandably suspicious of this title. Yet, over the past 40 years of counseling couples, this question has been the most often asked of me, bar none other. So, I thought I'd at least give it a try.

First, I thought I'd do a current poll amongst...

Read Post

Will You Be a Techno-Parent or a Banished Sage?

(3) Comments | Posted January 14, 2013 | 7:16 PM

I have just finished reading Andrew Solomon's remarkable new book, Far From the Tree. I am so grateful that this astute political activist gave up ten years of his life that I could know the depth of his wisdom and his compassion for parents whose children are different from what...

Read Post

The Second Wound -- Blaming the Victim in Childhood Sexual Abuse

(13) Comments | Posted October 26, 2012 | 12:12 PM

Children are the innocent victims of sexual abuse. Because of their lack of experience, they are often caught in webs of destruction with disastrous consequences. The violations they endure are the first wound, but how their significant people respond can be a second wound that is too often more devastating...

Read Post

A Hundred Shades of Grey: Are Sexual Submission and Gender Equality Mutually Exclusive?

(39) Comments | Posted May 4, 2012 | 7:50 PM

E.L. James' bestseller Fifty Shades of Grey speaks about women's secret longing to be sexually dominated by a powerful and controlling man. While I appreciate its message and worldwide appeal to women of all ages, I have some deep concerns. Many commentators appear to be assuming that this longing is...

Read Post

Act Three -- Life's Great Finale

(1) Comments | Posted April 10, 2012 | 12:53 PM

My colleagues and I are excited about the new research that our brains can be re-mapped for the rest of our lives. It's a whole different ball game to think that, as we age, it isn't about being on the down side any more, but knowing that we...

Read Post