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Randi Gunther
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Dr. Randi Gunther is a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor practicing in Southern California. In her 40-year career, she has accumulated over 90,000 face-to-face hours with individuals and couples. She has inspired hundreds of people in her workshops and lectures to go beyond their limitations and create successful relationships. A practical idealist, she encourages her patients to give up their negative entanglements and to pursue their dreams.

"The creation of a long-lasting, wonderful relationship is not automatic or easy. Like any other important commitment, it can only continue paying dividends with a continuous re-investment of time, energy, and devotion. From the thousands of hours I've spent with couples and individuals, I have learned what skills and values successful couples practice that ensure their love will continue to regenerate. My books are an encapsulation of those principles."

Dr. Gunther and her husband met when they were in their teens and have continued their mutual devotion for over 50 years. They feel that the principles and skills in this book are what have successfully guided them on their journey through life together.

Entries by Randi Gunther

Why Great Husbands Are Being Abandoned

(261) Comments | Posted August 13, 2014 | 1:45 PM

Not so many years ago, married men had the freedom to live by one set of rules away from home, and a different set at the hearth. Because they held the power to distribute resources however they wished, they could decide what and when to share them. As women have...

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If We Weren't Already Married, Would You Choose Me Again?

(2) Comments | Posted July 18, 2014 | 8:24 PM

When I deal with married couples facing difficulties in their relationship, I know that the key to help them effectively resolve their current problem lies in finding the core of love they felt for each other when they began their relationship. If they can revisit the reasons they originally chose...

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Is It Ever OK To Pursue Your Happiness At The Cost Of Someone Else's?

(1) Comments | Posted June 15, 2014 | 8:42 AM

For the past four decades I have specialized in helping people form, fix, and rebuild intimate relationships. Sadly, despite every possible effort expended, some don't survive. Even once-loving couples have a hard time surviving indiscretions, worn-out repetitions of bored interactions, or life's unexpected stressors. Sometimes they have just outgrown what...

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Write Anger/Speak Love: Ending Bickering

(0) Comments | Posted March 24, 2014 | 1:39 PM

Within all intimate relationships there are great interactions, so-so interactions and destructive interactions. In the early months of a new love, there are always more of the positive and less of the negative. The combination of lust and discovery blankets most conflicts and forgiveness is readily abundant.

...

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Revelations and Resolutions: A Different Challenge for the New Year

(0) Comments | Posted December 30, 2013 | 4:31 PM

My patients have told me over the years that their average time to break their New Year's resolutions varies between two days and six weeks. Their intent is pure, their demons have weakened, and their commitment is solid, yet they cannot hold to their own promises.

The reasons are many...

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Virtual Infidelity -- If I Don't Touch, Am I Still Being Unfaithful?

(13) Comments | Posted December 18, 2013 | 5:50 AM

Defining an affair used to be relatively simple. One or both partners in an intimate, exclusive relationship begin a sexual relationship with another person without their partner's knowledge or permission. That partner, excluded from the option to vote, may not initially notice that anything is wrong, but, over time, notices...

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Emotional Reactivity -- The Bane Of Intimate Communication

(0) Comments | Posted October 18, 2013 | 6:10 AM

How wonderful it would be to be totally relaxed and comfortable when the most important person in your life is finding fault with you. How amazing it would be to let the critiques fly by and respond with only graciousness and dignity.

Many years ago, in the early days...

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Who Owns Your Relationship Score Card?

(1) Comments | Posted August 12, 2013 | 11:37 AM

If you are like most people, you have determined your own sense of worth by the ways others have responded to you throughout your life. Knowing that the fulfillment of your needs and desires are dependent upon those appraisals, you have sought to know what others may think and feel...

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How You Say 'Hello' And 'Goodbye' -- A Meaningful Way To Evaluate Your Intimate Relationship

(5) Comments | Posted March 16, 2013 | 7:26 AM

When you open the front door to where your 2-year-old awaits your homecoming, you won't have a chance to put down whatever is in your hands, read the mail, go to the bathroom, make a phone call or leave the spot at which you are attacked with voracious affection. That...

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The Most Important Quality Of An Intimate Partner

(94) Comments | Posted February 13, 2013 | 5:56 AM

I hope you are understandably suspicious of this title. Yet, over the past 40 years of counseling couples, this question has been the most often asked of me, bar none other. So, I thought I'd at least give it a try.

First, I thought I'd do a current poll amongst...

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Will You Be a Techno-Parent or a Banished Sage?

(3) Comments | Posted January 14, 2013 | 6:16 PM

I have just finished reading Andrew Solomon's remarkable new book, Far From the Tree. I am so grateful that this astute political activist gave up ten years of his life that I could know the depth of his wisdom and his compassion for parents whose children are different from what...

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The Second Wound -- Blaming the Victim in Childhood Sexual Abuse

(13) Comments | Posted October 26, 2012 | 11:12 AM

Children are the innocent victims of sexual abuse. Because of their lack of experience, they are often caught in webs of destruction with disastrous consequences. The violations they endure are the first wound, but how their significant people respond can be a second wound that is too often more devastating...

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A Hundred Shades of Grey: Are Sexual Submission and Gender Equality Mutually Exclusive?

(39) Comments | Posted May 4, 2012 | 6:50 PM

E.L. James' bestseller Fifty Shades of Grey speaks about women's secret longing to be sexually dominated by a powerful and controlling man. While I appreciate its message and worldwide appeal to women of all ages, I have some deep concerns. Many commentators appear to be assuming that this longing is...

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Act Three -- Life's Great Finale

(1) Comments | Posted April 10, 2012 | 11:53 AM

My colleagues and I are excited about the new research that our brains can be re-mapped for the rest of our lives. It's a whole different ball game to think that, as we age, it isn't about being on the down side any more, but knowing that we...

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'Cougars?' How About 'Sought After Mature Women?'

(1346) Comments | Posted January 1, 2012 | 7:10 PM

The media hype about older women seeking out young men for sexual contact has about worn me down. As a relationship therapist for four decades, I have certainly defended many unfairly labeled "dirty old men," who were just guys who fell in love with younger women for their beauty, energy,...

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Vintage Rhythms -- Aging With Panache

(1) Comments | Posted November 16, 2011 | 3:10 PM

Your mature years can bring you remarkably satisfying experiences if you know how to live them fully. As we grow older, we benefit significantly from more exquisite experiences to keep us vibrant and to counter unavoidable losses. We need to move in a new way from surviving to thriving. Aging...

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50+: Recommitting to the Rest of Your Life

(5) Comments | Posted October 6, 2011 | 6:38 PM

You've made it past 50. You may have peaked in your career and are enjoying the fruits of those labors. Your kids have established their own lives, and your parents are still living their lives without your necessary support.

You can statistically expect about 30-plus more years to live. The...

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