My dear Jacob,
As I was going through a box of keepsakes, I came across a Christmas list you had written when you were a young boy. On the list were things we could easily find in stores, and I always enjoyed finding them for you, wrapping them up and putting them under our tree. You were always so appreciative and opened them with great joy. The joy Papa and I felt was even greater.
There is only one gift I want to give you this year. I have wanted to give it to you for many years. I have tried in every way possible to find a way to give it to you. It would bring me the greatest joy of all.
How do I give you equality? How do I give you back the years you have missed "not being equal" in this world?
Your high school and college years should have been ones where you dated and went to proms and dances with someone you were attracted to and wanted to spend time with as a couple. You should not have had to spend those years working for your equality. You should not have had to defend your dignity. You should not have had to miss out on the simple pleasures of a young teen and a young adult.
There is no way I can give you back those years, those times when you should have been having fun, enjoying life, and growing from those experiences.
You had a passion for justice even as a child. I remember when you were 4 and refused to eat supper until I had actually written the check for Save the Children. You were the watchdog in your kindergarten classroom after you felt your teacher was wrong to rip up a child's painting in front of the class in her effort to teach them to write their names on their papers. On that day you spoke truth to power so eloquently as you confronted your teacher after school.
As soon as you came out to us, you wanted to start a gay/straight alliance at your high school. We worried for your safety, but even more for the isolation it might have brought as you worked to make it happen. You reached out to students, teachers, and the administration and created your school's first gay/straight alliance. When you were in college and heard that there were students being kicked out of colleges simply because they were gay, you founded the Soulforce Equality Ride to confront that terrible wrong.
Each of those times you taught me to take action and not be silent in the face of injustice. You have led me, and you have taught me throughout your life.
Maybe that is why it is so hard for me to face Christmas each year and not be able to wrap up the one gift I most want to give you. As a mother, it is such a part of my being to want to nurture and love my children. It is the mother in me that wants to protect and provide for you. It is the mother in me that is hurting so much when I am helpless in being able to give you the one gift I have wanted to give you since the day you told us you were gay.
I want to give you equality. I want to wrap it up in a beautiful box, and I want to put it under our tree right now. I want to see you open it on Christmas Eve and with great joy live with it all your days.
I love you,
Mama
I know that some people think that this is just a choice but I will never believe that .I have talked to many parents that say they never saw this coming but when you ask them if they ever notice anything anything at all they usually say well perhaps my child was a little different. I did have questions but never wanted to question it because didn't want to have an influence by planting a seed.All parents know not all parents can handle that there child my be different.
To me this is like saying that I love this child more because she has blue eyes instead of brown .I can't understand how a parent could reject any child .My daughter did not have a say in who I chose for her father. Why would I think I had the right to choose who my daughter choose to love.
It never ceases to amaze me....the propensity of anti-gay people to use the term "pro family" to describe themselves. They are NOT pro-family. They are ANTI-family, in that they routinely attack the dignity of children of other people, who are gay.
My straight parents most certainly do not consider these folks "pro family."
"How do I give you back the years you have missed"
This is key.
Many people criticize gay people for not being more patient, in their quest for their equality.
Well, many of us have indeed lost precious years to the closet, etc.
No first kiss in high school. No prom. No college romance.
And we have no more time to abnegate, to accommodate the personal sensibilities and discomfort of other people.
When I came out to my mum, she said, "You are a good person. A good heart. This doesn't change anything between us."
Then she paused, and put her head in her hands and said, "I'm just worried about all the jerks out there who are going to make your life more difficult than it needs to be."
Many of the people Mom spoke of regularly post at HP, disparaging gay people at each and every opportunity.
Thank you for helping us combat that daily assault on our dignity.
Your son and I are very lucky.
Happy New Year to you and yours!
Equality? Damn right we deserve it! Those who think otherwise need to take a lesson from my mother and the mother who wrote this letter! God Bless both of them!