I Ask President Obama for Full Equality for my Gay Son

Dear President Obama,

I watched you preach on Father's Day and my heart was touched by your words. I listened with a mother's heart. I have been blessed with four dear children. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for the gift my children are to me.

You told the congregation that the family is the most important foundation. You said we must take responsibility for those we love and we must set an example of excellence for our children. We must give our children dreams without limits and we must teach them the importance of having empathy for others. We must teach them to stand in another's shoes to know another's pain and their challenges so we can lift them up.

You said when you were younger you thought life was all about yourself and now you realize life is about leaving this world a better place for our children.

Your words touched this mother's heart but they also made me wonder if you are truly living your words.

I wonder if you are living those words as you listen to the gay community. There isn't a newspaper across this great nation that has not shared the news of the gay community's fight for equality. You must have heard their pain when your administration affirmed DOMA with their brief. You must have heard their pain as one after another brave and loyal gay soldier has been kicked out of the military because of DADT. You must have heard their pain as Prop 8 snatched marriage away from gay couples.

My youngest child is gay. As parents we were ignorant about homosexuality when Jacob came out to us as a 16 year old young man eleven years ago. We embraced him and we told him we loved him that night, but we were clueless about what it meant to be gay.

We had to educate ourselves. Another part of your message on Sunday addressed the importance of education. I ask you now to educate yourself about homosexuality.

When we visited with the medical community on our journey to understanding we learned that homosexuality was simply the sexual orientation our son was given. We learned it was not a choice that Jacob made. We were told it was a given for him and we as his parents should encourage him to embrace his orientation and live his life with dignity and respect.

This began a new chapter in our lives. We learned to live in the empathy you extolled. We met hundreds of young gay people who have had such difficult lives because of the ignorance of our society. We have listened to pastors condemning gays and teaching others to do the same. We have felt the pain of discrimination as our son has been harassed with words and attacks. We have listened to young people with tears in their eyes share that they have been rejected by their own parents. We have watched as our son tried to enlist as a gay man and was instead led away in hand cuffs.

We also took responsibility as you asked parents to do on Sunday. We have spoken out, marched and led rallies. We have been arrested numerous times doing civil disobedience to try to bring the issues of injustice to light. We have poured our financial resources into programs and agencies that work to educate the people. We have lobbied at the Capitol in our state of Minnesota and in Washington, DC. We have written hundreds of letters to law makers, pastors, teachers and now to you our President.

Our country needs your voice on this issue. I am impatient to see my dear son live his life with full equality. Can you imagine if one of your daughters had equality and the other did not? That is the reality for every family with a gay child. It is heartbreaking and it is wrong.

You may not be able to lift DADT today. You may not be able to end DOMA today. You may not be able to bring marriage back for the gay community in California today. But, as our president, you can move legislation that would right those wrongs. You can sit down with my son and others and listen to their stories so you can stand in their shoes with empathy. You can address this nation about the terrible discrimination the gay community faces in our country. You can live out your campaign promises on some level.

Your final lesson in your sermon was on the gift of faith and hope. You spoke of a hope that insists that something better is waiting for us. You spoke of your faith and your love of Jesus. The Jesus that I know would not make outcasts of God's beloved children. The gay community has been made into outcasts by many in our churches. We need to hear from you that no one is less than another. The greatest commandment that Jesus taught was to love one another as He loves us.

You talked about the importance of fathers teaching their children. If you don't address the issues of equality for the gay community, the discrimination will not end. Your daughters are watching you. They are learning from you and so are all the sons and daughters in this country.

You can be a president who not only embraces equality but who fights to see the day all God's children actually live it. To be able to bring equality to a group of people should be seen as not only a duty of justice but an honor of the highest level. You must be the one to lead our country by setting an example of excellence in treating all Americans with equality in all areas of life.

I sat on the lawn in front of our nation's Capitol on that cold day in January when you took the oath of office. My heart filled with hope that day because I believed the words you spoke as you campaigned. Those words seem hollow to me now.

I ask you with tears in my eyes, with pain in my heart and with a mother's enduring love for her dear children..... please bring equality ... true full equality to my son and to all in the gay community.

Comments

[Donna Monson]

Randi Reitan. She's Auntie Randi to me...as a matter of fact, she's my Godmother. How lucky am I? As a family, we witness with admiration and pride as Randi, Phil, along their kids (and families) march tirelessly, day in and day out, in support of equality. I am blessed to be a part of this family, but I can tell you this: Even before my cousin Jake came out, I felt the same way as I do now. People are people. Why there is such a "need" for some to spread hate and lies is beyond me. Why anyone should feel that they are more deserving of the basic rights upon which this country was founded is a mystery. I have the audacity to HOPE that we will see these critical changes made. Believe me when I tell you, Jake's wedding day will be one none of us will ever forget.

[HesDanTheMan]

How blessed are you? OMG! Would I give anything to be a part of your family! Just to get to meet this woman for a cup of coffee, I would give anything! I'm such a sap when it comes to posts like this that bring me to tears knowing that there are actually people out there that are as loving and genuine as Randi.
Again I say, HOW BLESSED ARE YOU to be a part of your family!
I am so envious right now!

[Donna Monson]

Thanks, Dan! You are, in fact THE MAN! :o) Yes, we have some pretty great family gatherings, that's for sure. She's everything you see in this letter. I hope and pray that President Obama does see this. Did you know that he answers 10 randomly selected e-mails from people every day? I think that's pretty amazing.

Thanks for the nice note. Have a great day!

[PlaceboStudman]

I hope this letter makes its way to the chambers of congress. As much as we want to heap all the responsibility and blame onto the president, there is only so much he can do. And Congress have become our worst enemy right now as far as Im concerned, by shirking their responsibility and passing the hot potato of these issues onto the president, when in fact it is them who write and pass the legislation, that President Obama signs.

This is going to be a long and arduous fight, but if we are going to win in the end, and I have no doubt we will, then we absolutely must put blame where blame is due and put the pressure on Congresss to do their jobs for the betterment of people, not the growth of their wallets

[Deezerme]

Randi, You are the epitome of a compassionate wise human being with an attitude we should all strive to have.

I was shocked to learn DADT policy even still existed. Are we not an intelligent enough race to see the hypocrisy of saying, gay people can die for us, but arent allowed to say their sexuality? That we are all gods children but a gay person is less? That a gay person is not allowed the same rights as straight person?

Everyday i see a new group being attacked. Gays, Hispanics, Iranians, people who wear white after labor day. I cant keep up. But for all attacking, just remember you could be next, so take a little time to get to know others different than yourself. and hope that the next group to be suppressed isnt bloggers.

[entemplin]

legislation or not, Obama also has the power to simply SPEAK on these varying issues. he could hold a short press conference or simply write a letter to GLAAD or another lgbt related organization and say "i'm listening and working hard for you all..." and we get that it wont be easy or fast. people just need some sort of support. since the election, he really hasn't given ANY

[IraqVet4Truth]

Randi, thank you for your words. I'm deeply saddened that we live in a society that pays so much lip service to liberty, justice, and freedom, yet we still fall victim to prejudice and hatred that have been engrained into our culture (thank you very much, dogma.) Stay strong, dear friend -- there will come a day when the hate-mongers and bigots are silenced by a united majority -- those Americans who are willing to not only say, but to shout proudly that we are all created equal. Just as with the civil rights movement and women's suffrage -- the fight is not with our government, but with ourselves. Bravo to you and your family...you are on the right side of things and humanity will thank you someday.

[Wake-up]

Sad... there is equality in this society now and it's sad when people can't think past their personal situations and think about society as a whole. I could argue that gay's have more rights given their ability to sue for discrimination...

At the core of this one is; "Are men and woman exactly the same?" The answer is of course not.

Sadly, people like this think that only if gays were able to marry exactly like straight people everything would be solved and that's just not reality...

[Chaimirija]

yeah, but should we really let a minority of people ban something they think is wrong based on what their religion tells them?

[Wake-up]

This has nothing to do with Religion and a majority of Americans including the pres. agree 1 man and 1 woman.

[Romulus]

Actually, while the majority of people in this country support civil unions for gays and lesbians, that same majority opposes calling it marriage.

[kforce]

"Sad... there is equality in this society now ..." No there isn't.

[Wake-up]

Sure there is? What's not?

[DenverJim]

Did you even read the article?

[Wake-up]

I skim most all of them due to the lack of any real facts... most here are one-sided ideology crap usually blaming Bush for the ills of the world... I prefer to debate with you-all...

[YoMama]

We face several problems with Obama:

1. He is not a passionate man. It's not that he's cold and calculating; it's that he's relatively unemotional. He is not passionate about equality. Those who ascribe his inaction to trying to please all sides (in spite of what his heart tells him) overestimate his emotional commitment to equality.
2. He has been indoctrinated into a particular (and irrational) world view that privileges religious belief antithetical to equality.
3. Just as he promised all things to all people on the campaign trail, now that he is in office he has shown himself on a number of issues to be unwilling to take a stand that would displease those on the far right he hopes to forge alliances with. Being willing to take a stand against them would require passion (see point 1) and a willingness to bear the political risks associated with their disapproval. Ironically, in the process of trying to avoid disapproval, he is turning a chunk of his base against him.

I hope to be proven wrong, but don't expect to be.

[johnsopinion]

Yes, an emotional and heartfelt appeal.
However, like so many headlines I see about the current administration,
Obama cannot do some things single handedly. He doesn't have that
power. You, the people do. That's where it rests, with you.

You say "...we learned that homosexuality was simply the sexual orientation
our son was given..." but you don't say that it was "given" by the government
because it wasn't. And because it wasn't, the 'government' can only do so
much for people--like giving same sex spouses equal benefits, making
the DADT policy of the military go away for being the stupid rule that it is.

As for same sex marriages, that should be left to each state to decide. But
should a case for whatever reason ever come to the federal level, then
whatever state decreed that two people of the same sex are recognized
as being legally wed, then the federal govt. should try such a case in that
light, not by the standards of any state.
All else remains with the people, whether they be ignorant or not. It is
ignorance and fear you fight, spread across all of the states, not the
President.

[BringmeReason]

The president spoke very forcefully and confidently when it came to basic human rights for all, I would direct you to his campaign speech. He is our commander in chief, I would think that he could intact policies and procedures that would end such vile discrimination.

I will never fall for the, "Oh! it's not our political figures, it's the society", speech. Don't forget we elect our constituents, as we elected Obama. And we elected him in the hopes for a new change for this country, one that would look at all spectrum of life, not just the economy and health care. Basic civil rights that he himself said he would make sure he provided to all America's citizens. He has an obligation to at least stand up and set an example for not only his children but to every child across this country; that bigotry and hate should never be tolerated, not when race is involved, not when one's sex is involved and certainly not when one's sexual orientation is involved.

We ask the President to stand up for what he knows is right.. and not what he thinks is good for his political advancement.

[johnsopinion]

"The president spoke very forcefully and confidently when it came to basic human rights for all, I would direct you to his campaign speech."

And how many politicians that you know who actually delivered EVERYTHING that
they promised in a campaign? To believe that they could is delusional.

As you say, they can 'lead' the horse to water but they can't make the horse drink.
Only the horse can decide that. Work WITH the horse, not against it. That merely
presents a challenge to the horse.

[Leah Solo]

Randi, If anyone wants to see an example of "Family Values", they don't need to look any further than you and your family. Thank you for your work for your son and for all of our children!

[Mtipbro]

Randi - what an extraordinarily wise and loving person you are with your limitless passion for justice. Your contagious courage to stand up for what is right and what is good (not necessarily what is popular or what is easy) is an inspiration. As a gay son of a loving mother and father and as a person with friends like you and your family I say Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. With equality and justice for all.

[T2inDC]

Thank you. What a beautiful letter. I was especially touched by this paragraph;
You can be a president who not only embraces equality but who fights to see the day all God's children actually live it. To be able to bring equality to a group of people should be seen as not only a duty of justice but an honor of the highest level. You must be the one to lead our country by setting an example of excellence in treating all Americans with equality in all areas of life.

He should think of it as an honor of the highest level to bring equality to all American's. Amen

[Dean Genth]

Randi, This is a beautiful letter . It's time, we cannot rest. We must let the President know that as he believes, injustice for some is injustice for all.

[oafishcad]

As Solomon Burke sings "One of us is chained, none of us is free."

[verysmart]

Randi, that is one of the most compassionate and wonderful letters I've read on this post. You and your whole family are amazing and I'm just so proud to know you. Thank you for your hard works on this very important issue!

[livinCalDemtbubble]

Randi, what a wonderful letter! Although I believe Obama has made up his mind regarding the GLBT community, your letter is influential and will move minds and hearts in the right direction. I wonder if you feel like me. We worked so hard to get Obama elected, and in return, got "hope", but nothing else. I'm so disappointed in Obama, I could just go on and on. I'm well into middle age and when I came out my parents were beyond clueless. They did come around, became involved in Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, and are now proud in-laws and grandparents of my spouse and our child.

I really don't think either Barak or Michelle care about GLBT people. They want our money, and that's it. They can't get mine!

[Giordano Bruno]

This was a wonderful letter. Only a politician who is fearful of a backlash could not be moved by it. I hate to say it, but I think that Mr. Obama is afraid of the right wing Christians, who while happy to accept contributions and campaign assistance from the gay community is reluctant to grant it full civil liberties. Giordy