I Ask President Obama for Full Equality for my Gay Son

Dear President Obama,

I watched you preach on Father's Day and my heart was touched by your words. I listened with a mother's heart. I have been blessed with four dear children. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for the gift my children are to me.

You told the congregation that the family is the most important foundation. You said we must take responsibility for those we love and we must set an example of excellence for our children. We must give our children dreams without limits and we must teach them the importance of having empathy for others. We must teach them to stand in another's shoes to know another's pain and their challenges so we can lift them up.

You said when you were younger you thought life was all about yourself and now you realize life is about leaving this world a better place for our children.

Your words touched this mother's heart but they also made me wonder if you are truly living your words.

I wonder if you are living those words as you listen to the gay community. There isn't a newspaper across this great nation that has not shared the news of the gay community's fight for equality. You must have heard their pain when your administration affirmed DOMA with their brief. You must have heard their pain as one after another brave and loyal gay soldier has been kicked out of the military because of DADT. You must have heard their pain as Prop 8 snatched marriage away from gay couples.

My youngest child is gay. As parents we were ignorant about homosexuality when Jacob came out to us as a 16 year old young man eleven years ago. We embraced him and we told him we loved him that night, but we were clueless about what it meant to be gay.

We had to educate ourselves. Another part of your message on Sunday addressed the importance of education. I ask you now to educate yourself about homosexuality.

When we visited with the medical community on our journey to understanding we learned that homosexuality was simply the sexual orientation our son was given. We learned it was not a choice that Jacob made. We were told it was a given for him and we as his parents should encourage him to embrace his orientation and live his life with dignity and respect.

This began a new chapter in our lives. We learned to live in the empathy you extolled. We met hundreds of young gay people who have had such difficult lives because of the ignorance of our society. We have listened to pastors condemning gays and teaching others to do the same. We have felt the pain of discrimination as our son has been harassed with words and attacks. We have listened to young people with tears in their eyes share that they have been rejected by their own parents. We have watched as our son tried to enlist as a gay man and was instead led away in hand cuffs.

We also took responsibility as you asked parents to do on Sunday. We have spoken out, marched and led rallies. We have been arrested numerous times doing civil disobedience to try to bring the issues of injustice to light. We have poured our financial resources into programs and agencies that work to educate the people. We have lobbied at the Capitol in our state of Minnesota and in Washington, DC. We have written hundreds of letters to law makers, pastors, teachers and now to you our President.

Our country needs your voice on this issue. I am impatient to see my dear son live his life with full equality. Can you imagine if one of your daughters had equality and the other did not? That is the reality for every family with a gay child. It is heartbreaking and it is wrong.

You may not be able to lift DADT today. You may not be able to end DOMA today. You may not be able to bring marriage back for the gay community in California today. But, as our president, you can move legislation that would right those wrongs. You can sit down with my son and others and listen to their stories so you can stand in their shoes with empathy. You can address this nation about the terrible discrimination the gay community faces in our country. You can live out your campaign promises on some level.

Your final lesson in your sermon was on the gift of faith and hope. You spoke of a hope that insists that something better is waiting for us. You spoke of your faith and your love of Jesus. The Jesus that I know would not make outcasts of God's beloved children. The gay community has been made into outcasts by many in our churches. We need to hear from you that no one is less than another. The greatest commandment that Jesus taught was to love one another as He loves us.

You talked about the importance of fathers teaching their children. If you don't address the issues of equality for the gay community, the discrimination will not end. Your daughters are watching you. They are learning from you and so are all the sons and daughters in this country.

You can be a president who not only embraces equality but who fights to see the day all God's children actually live it. To be able to bring equality to a group of people should be seen as not only a duty of justice but an honor of the highest level. You must be the one to lead our country by setting an example of excellence in treating all Americans with equality in all areas of life.

I sat on the lawn in front of our nation's Capitol on that cold day in January when you took the oath of office. My heart filled with hope that day because I believed the words you spoke as you campaigned. Those words seem hollow to me now.

I ask you with tears in my eyes, with pain in my heart and with a mother's enduring love for her dear children..... please bring equality ... true full equality to my son and to all in the gay community.

Comments

[smithshaw08]

Thank you Randi for the most logical words for equality. If President Obama could read your words, they just might get through. What if one of his daughters were denied marriage equality? I think he would act right away. Once everyone can get past scripture to deny rights, then we can all be free. The whole religious arguement is moot since we no longer stone adulterers, sell our daughters, or turn away from a tasty shellfish. I am guilty of mixing textiles! Please keep up the fight for us, power in numbers. Equality is always worth the fight. Please send your piece to the Whitehouse. Send it every month until something is done.

[LAMike4]

Thank you for that wonderful letter!

I understand why we must justify to bigots that we need equality because science proves being gay "is not a choice," however, even in this country we are supposedly endowed with the freedom to choose.

Saying "not a choice" about my being gay makes me feel as if I am handicapped in some way and I can't help myself for being something no one would want.

I love my sexual orientation!! and think if it were a choice I would choose it! BIGOTRY is the ugly choice people make.

[GraceP]

Mrs. Reitan, this was beautifully written letter on such an important and, sadly, divisive issue. I am proud to know Jacob (a high school classmate) and try to follow all of the important work he and your family does!

[GreatNews27]

Obama says 'No!'. Next question.

[dm10003]

sorry, that's not an excuse for inequality to continue.

and that's not how america works.

[Elbrd]

Randi, I have the honor of knowing your son and working with him in college. Your letter is wonderful and I can see where he got much of his bravery and conviction.

[ClintBMD]

What wonderful, powerful sentiments. Your son is a lucky man, and I am blessed with having read your thoughts.

[truthartbeauty]

It is a shame that people have to go through such pointless insanity over this, on both ends, from the gay person who is comming out, to the ignorant homphobic society he meets as he comes out. it is all so unneccessary. its nothing really. some people are gay, some arent. why cant people just accept it and move on?? why cant humans just have compassion for other humans, for animals?? why do people have to hate hate hate,? hate homosexuals? slaughter animals? why, when the answer is so so simple are we so screwed up?

[paisleyface]

If the answer is infinite light
why do we sleep in the dark?

-How Can You Live in the Northeast by Paul Simon

[Whinger]

Some folk are in the dark even when they are awake!

Even in the darkest night, there is still some light, how else can we see when we dream!

[SinisterK9]

Perfect peace and harmony will never exist, as we are all fallible beings. Not to say we shoudn't strive to be the best we can.. we certainly should. Just pointing out that worldwide nirvana is a pipe dream. Even animals don't all get along.

[scarejack]

I've never posted here, but your story has moved me to say, "Brava." If all parents were as accepting and passionate about what God has made us, about who we really were, many of us would have had the courage to come out of the closet and live our lives free of the hatred and pain we experienced at home. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for loving your son and giving me hope for those still dealing with this most personal and life changing of revalations.

[Whinger]

Everyone is equal in the eyes of God, but that's not good enough for some folk!

Were it down to President Obama alone it would be done and dusted, sadly others who are opposed to change have their finger in the pie. It will happen in time!

[paisleyface]

A beautiful letter that I fear will fall on large, but deaf, ears.

[RJVegas]

How I wish my mother had had your wisdom. Although I had a GREAT and loving mother, she could never get beyond what the Bible says about homosexuality. However, the word homosexual didn't exist back in biblical times. Translations and the intent of the writings were never taken into consideration during the compilation of what we now know as THE Bible. I applaud your love for your son and your willingness to tell it from your heart. Thank you for a wonderful posting!

[truthartbeauty]

a weak man will find justification for his prejudice, a strong man will rise above everything and just do what he knows is right, without reference or approval.

[Whinger]

Biblically speaking, "Thou shalt not sleep in a bed with a man as a woman" accordingly it's sinful in the eyes of God, but, no more sinful than adultery or any other sin you care to name, and in the eyes on non-believers no sin at all.

In any event we all have the God given right of free will to do as our conscience guides, it is not for anyone to sit in judgment or condemn someone for daring to be different.

[verysmart]

Just a quick correction­... What your Mother THOUGHT the Bible said about homosexuality. I have a friend who shows me passages that intimate that Jesus was gay...

[HesDanTheMan]

I sure wish I knew what passages those were!