Cyberbullying: Strategies to Take Back Your Power

Everyone wants happiness for his or her child. Yet with the unprecedented rise in cyberbullying, kids are increasingly at risk of cruel and sneaky personal attacks that result in stress, humiliation and even deaths. It's time for students and parents to take their power back.

Cyberbullying, is defined by the Cyberbullying Research Center, as "willful and repeated harm" inflicted through phones and computers. The statistics:

• 42 percent of kids have been bullied while online.
• 35 percent of kids have been threatened online.
• 53 percent of kids admit to having said something mean or hurtful to another person online.
• 58 percent have not told their parents or an adult about something mean or hurtful that happened to them online.[1]

I once heard the quote "bullying in school... that's just part of growing up." What does that imply -- that it's OK to be a bully or to be bullied, or that humiliating others is just the way it is? The scars to self-esteem can have lifetime repercussions. "One teenager stated: 'It makes me hurt both physically and mentally. It scares me and takes away all my confidence. It makes me feel sick and worthless.' Victims who experience cyberbullying also reveal they are afraid or embarrassed to go to school. In addition, research has revealed a link between cyberbullying and low self‐esteem, family problems, academic problems, school violence and delinquent behavior. Finally, cyberbullied youth also report having suicidal thoughts, and there have been a number of examples in the United States where youth who were victimized ended up taking their own lives." [2]

We need a change in culture -- bully prevention programs need to be adopted at all levels: classroom, school, family and community. Being safe is a human right! By creating a culture of caring rather than one of blame, we can all be part of the solution.

Here are 10 ways for students and parents to change the culture and make a real difference:

1. Student Tips:

Have students create a website with tips for the victims of cyberbullying with good ways to react (like tracking the offensive messages), who to talk to if it feels pretty bleak, and knowing your legal rights. [3]

2. Share Information:

On the student website have a section where kids can offer questions and comments. "What would you do in this situation..." Even some hints on how to talk to parents can help. Many kids are reluctant to tell their parents for fear of having their internet cut off completely or that their parents will over react and make the situation worse.

3. Teach It:

Older students can develop a lesson that they teach to the younger kids in their school about cyberbullying. Peer-to-Peer Mentoring rocks!

4. Evidence Talks:

Develop a way that offensive messages can be forwarded to school authorities anonymously. Most kids want to do the right thing, but do not want to end up being the next cyber-victim.

5. Go Team!:

Students can create a Cyberbullying Prevention Team at their school and look over the school's policy to see if it has any clause about cyberbullying. If not, they can bring this to light. Some schools say that the cyber bullying happens off school property so they are not responsible. It's time for everyone to work together -- students, schools, parents and communities -- so kids don't have to live in stress and fear.

6. Bystander Power:

Have students get together in school to create a "Bystander Pledge." Dr. Phil's pledge states: "I acknowledge that whether I am being a bullying/cyberbullying bully or see someone being bullied/cyber bullied, if I don't report or stop the bullying/cyberbullying, I am just as guilty."[4]

For this to work, the school faculty must have an effective policy and process in place to help the victim, the bully and create a safe culture. In this case, it does take a village... [5]

7. Strength in Numbers:

A bully wants to be popular and well-regarded. If bullies are greeted by numbers of their peers with, "Hey, that's not right," then the motivation to do the bullying behavior can be severely cut. Make your school culture one that does not support bullying.

8. Press Release:

Have students write a news release for local newspapers, informing the community about what your class or school is doing for cyberbullying prevention. Give the news release to your district office for approval and distribution.

9. Parents, Work Together:

Where you can offer one another positive suggestions and best practices. It's natural to be livid, but as Gandhi said, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." Certain strategies, like empowering your children (identifying and enhancing talents, making friends outside of school, role playing, martial arts to feel stronger, looking at the bully as wounded etc.) all help. Working together with the school to support a more positive culture and modeling positive character traits (tolerance, personal responsibility, kindness) at home are also great.

10. Remind Kids You Are There:

According to Dr. Vicki Panaccione and PACER's National Center for Bullying Prevention, "Over half of all kids have been bullied, and cyber bullying in particular can happen over and over before a parent is aware of it. As parents, we need to remind our teens over and over that we are to help them with bad situations," says Dr. Vicki. "It's crucial to let our teens know that a situation is never hopeless."

Parents can help teens through:

• Making good decisions in their treatment of peers
• Standing up for what they believe in when around others who treat peers poorly
• Emphasizing that they never have to "just take it" if they are being harassed in any way
• Feeling good about who they are and loving themselves
• Letting them know that you always "have their back"
• Value and love everything about them. [6]

Every voice counts. What are your thoughts?

Sources:
[1] http://www.isafe.org
[2] http://www.cyberbullying.us
[3] http://www.cyberbullying.us/Bullying_and_Cyberbullying_Laws.pdf
[4] http://www.drphil.com/shows/page/students/
[5] http://www.drphil.com/shows/page/facultypledge/
[6] http://www.pacerteensagainstbullying.org/

 

Follow Randy Taran on Twitter: www.twitter.com/randytaran

Comments

[RandyTaran]

05:51 PM on 01/19/2011

Great resource. Many thanks:)

[been2there]

11:10 AM on 01/19/2011

As a child, I was bullied to the edge of insanity. I will never permit bullying in my presence; my children also stood up for bullied school fellows, and I made sure they knew that I was proud of them for doing so.

[RandyTaran]

05:24 PM on 01/19/2011

What a great example you are! thanks for your comments.

[KatieatCaron]

04:32 PM on 01/18/2011

Thank you for examining the issue of cyber-bullying in-depth and offering strategies for prevention. Unfortunately, incidents of cyber-bullying continue to grow as teens increasingly spend their time online.

We agree that it’s important for parents to remind their children that they are there to help them find solutions to life’s many challenges. At Caron Treatment Centers, a non-profit substance abuse treatment center where I work, we also want to remind parents that having open and honest conversations with their children is the first step towards helping prevent them from being a victim of cyber-bullying. We also encourage parents to teach children to treat others with kindness and respect those who are different from them.

We know that it’s not always easy for parents to determine whether their child may be a victim of cyber-bullying. That’s why we compiled information on signs that a child is being cyber-bullied: http://caronchitchat.org/response-to-tyler-clementi-tragedy/. We hope you and your readers find this information useful.

Many thanks,
Katie S., Caron Treatment Centers
@CaronTreatment

[RandyTaran]

05:28 PM on 01/19/2011

Thank You Katie - great resource!

[MerrieWay]

11:01 PM on 01/17/2011

Let's get bullying in schools, including cyber bullying under control. Time for solution. There are workable programs that teach conflict resolution skills, communication skills, co-operative learning and positive activism to youth and teens.
"Peace Smarts" curriculum is one of the stellar programs that has helped thousands of youth, teachers, parents, and counselors to create a Peace culture in the classroom, grades 6-12, and to practice their skills in the community. www.merrieway.com (products)
With society bashing and slashing on bully-pulpits...we need to reframe communication and ethics to our youth...NOW!

[RandyTaran]

05:33 PM on 01/19/2011

Thanks for your comments. I agree that we need to reframe communication and ethics. Go peace!

[AZ85283]

04:35 PM on 01/17/2011

Wow, cyberbullying is a bunch of hate words directed at someone, and you have all these ways to deal with it. Wasn't it just 2 weeks ago that 67% of Americans said "hate speech and calls for violence against those you disliked" DIDN'T cause people to act in negative, inappropriate or violence ways? So now, your saying bulling leads to low self esteem, negative behavior and other negative things? Seems to me if hate speech by white commentators doesn't invoke violence, why should cyberbullying do anything either? Just delete before reading and--- remember (what you said about using the N word--it's just "a word" with no meaning until blacks give it meaning) so isn't being called nasty names---just words? Just as many of you said a "healthy person" wouldn't act on the hate speech, then maybe a "healthy person" would respond to bullying either. Seems like you want it both ways, I can say or call you anything, or even suggest others do something to harm you, but that wouldn't lead to violence; EXCEPT when its bullying, or for you white women --hostile workplace environments or when you heard black gangster rap records. Then when someone says or listens to THOSE words, people want to claim how much those words can hurt and cause people to do violent or negative things. Make up your mind.

[Lawson Meadows]

06:25 PM on 01/17/2011

AZ85283,

Huh?

Your premise is wrong. Though the two share some elements, Cyber bullying and hate speech are somewhat different. As referenced in the article, cyber bullying is about the way kids interact and can make poor decisions causing pain and other negativity within an arena of adolescence, and how it can breach not just the boundaries of good taste, but the legal boundaries as well. Hate speech is mostly about adults trying to advance an agenda in the derisive arena of American political policy.

The divisive nature of hate speech most Americans attribute to political motivations are among adults, whereas cyber bullying referenced in this article is specifically aimed at children. To attempt joining the two is a perversion of logic and good sense.

Additionally, where in the article did race become an issue? Was it ever referenced? Your myopic presentation has no place in a civil discussion about protecting kid from hurtful actions of other kids… you missed the point, while at the same time revealing your own “dislikes” and prejudice.

It is sad that on MLK day, the day we all should reflect on, and strive to emulate Dr. King’s focus on joining rather than separating our people, that you would not attempt to ratchet down the racial rhetoric reflective of hate. You apparently don’t agree.

Have a pleasant day!
Lawson Meadows

[YOKEL13]

09:44 PM on 01/17/2011

I agree with your point. Words are either capable of influence, or they are not. The critical comment above is off the mark because it posits some kind of divide based on age and circumstance. This is a merely convenient assumption without any justification.

[LivingSamsara]

04:34 PM on 01/17/2011

I like how bullying is finally getting noticed. It is a pity it's in part due to social media and suicides we keep reading about. BUT, with social media playing a part in the problem, I'm gratified to see it being part of the solution as well -> http://www.facebook.com/NoBullies

[RandyTaran]

05:49 PM on 01/19/2011

Thanks for the excellent link and for your comments.

[Godheard SentU]

02:15 PM on 01/17/2011

http://www.bullyonline.org/schoolbully/tackle.htm