iPhone app iPad app Android phone app Android tablet app More

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
Randy Taran

GET UPDATES FROM Randy Taran
 

Valentine's Day -- Really?

Posted: 02/ 9/2012 7:59 am

Valentine's Day: What does it represent to you? Is it a reminder of the passions of new romance or the love that you are longing for in your life? Is it a commercial orchestration fabricated by the greeting card, flower and chocolate industries to make us buy more? Here's the real question: Can Valentine's Day remind us of the enormous capacity for love that we already carry within?

From the day we are born, not only do we need love and affection to thrive, we constantly give and generate love. Benjamin Disraeli says, "We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end." Yet the word love in itself is confusing. It means so many different things to different people. Here are some of its faces:

• the protective affection felt by parents for their children
• the resonance felt by sharing interests and true friendship
• the sexual expression of love that also can hold the potential of transcendence
• the sense of caring for others' welfare -- what we call unconditional love.

There are times when each of these types of love takes the lead, but throughout the ebb and flow, one thing is constant: however love is expressed, the more you give it, the more it grows. Here are a few ways to keep that love vibrant within yourself, so you can share more of it with others.

1. Don't Forget to Love Yourself

This is not about a narcissistic or self-indulgent love. It is the idea of cultivating self-compassion and treating yourself as you would a good friend. How?

• Self-kindness means being warm and understanding to yourself when things don't go your way.

• Common Humanity: Rather than feeling isolated, remember that everyone goes through hard times. It's not personal -- it is what makes us human.

• Mindfulness: Try a mindful perspective -- observe your thoughts and feelings as they are without trying to suppress or deny them. Do not judge or criticize yourself!

If you can also practice activities that help you re-center and tap into your gifts, that too goes a long way to loving yourself. There is nothing selfish about it -- the more you take care of yourself, the more you have to offer to others.

2. Create Love Grounded in Trust

While romantic love can stir the senses, hormones and take over our lives, consider also cultivating a caring type of love. It does not have to be showy; quietly authentic and consistent expression goes a long way to building trust. In this day and age, knowing that someone truly has your back means a lot! If they want the best for you, no matter what, that is priceless. I have a friend who is there for me. It can be months between calls, but when we connect, it is effortless and caring and true. The quality of trust makes all the difference in romantic relationships too. It deepens a connection and allows the relationship to survive the challenges that come up. I love the image of an ocean. Though there may be turbulent waves on the top, below there is a depth that remains untouched by what is showing up on the surface. Resonating with someone is the first step... trust goes the distance! That's the kind of valentine I am most grateful for!

3. Invest in Experiences rather than Trinkets

Flowers wilt, chocolates get eaten and things lose their shininess in time. What remains in our minds and hearts are the memories of experiences that make us come alive. Whether that's hiking to a sunset beach with someone you care about, trying an activity that you never thought you could do, or designing an event that makes you both feel amazing, there's no limit but your imagination and curiosity. Even the planning of it adds to the fun. What experience can you create to make a moment in time memorable? By the way, this is not just for Valentines' Day. Sprinkle some of this into the year -- it will make you smile.

At the end of our days, what is most important is not only who we loved, but how graciously we expressed that love. The challenge is to make this Valentine's Day focus on love a practice. Can you be even more present for yourself, your family, friends and even people you may not know? Love is a seeds that sprouts in places we may never know. It opens hearts; it melts the walls that separate us. By focusing on expanding our capacity for giving and receiving love, and for compassion, who knows what could happen? We are truly all in this together and have more power than we know to shape our collective future.

Oliver Wendell Homes said, "Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness." How about taking on some of that?

What does Valentine's Day mean to you?

For more by Randy Taran, click here.

For more on Valentine's Day, click here.

 

Follow Randy Taran on Twitter: www.twitter.com/randytaran

Valentine's Day: What does it represent to you? Is it a reminder of the passions of new romance or the love that you are longing for in your life? Is it a commercial orchestration fabricated by the gr...
Valentine's Day: What does it represent to you? Is it a reminder of the passions of new romance or the love that you are longing for in your life? Is it a commercial orchestration fabricated by the gr...
 
 
  • Comments
  • 17
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Comments are closed for this entry
View All
Recency  | 
Popularity
01:51 PM on 02/14/2012
Valentines day is a day of love. It is also the easiest day to hook up on. Alot of people are trying to hook up today, its just life. To find out how you can hook up check out this post:

http://fiestafrog.com/blog/index.php/5-tips-to-help-you-hook-up-on-valentines-day-how-to-get-a-valentine-singles-awareness-day/

Its very interesting information.
01:08 PM on 02/14/2012
For Valentines day I don't want roses,candy, or a fancy dinner. I just want to spend a nice quiet evening in with my husband. I planned this on purpose because we had a our wedding in January. Our family, my husband, and myself burned deep, deep, deep holes in our pockets. So the real payback is the stress is gone, bickering over the wedding is gone, and my husband and I can laugh that month off and celebrate Valentines Day simple and perfect. I wish a Happy Valentines Day to all!

p.s Remember this is a day to tell all the people you love how much you care about them. Make it your own valentines day without the fancy expensive presents.
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
RandyTaran
Author, Filmmaker and Founder, Project Happiness
11:05 PM on 02/14/2012
Great advice - making any holiday your own brings it back to the essence...in this case the expression of love. Happy Valentine's Day :)
02:32 PM on 02/11/2012
Beautiful post!
Valentine's Day is a little reminder to us all about loving yourself and those around you. Sometimes we can all use a bit of a reminder.
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
RandyTaran
Author, Filmmaker and Founder, Project Happiness
11:08 PM on 02/14/2012
I agree - as life gets busier, reminders are good things...Thanks for your comment.
09:18 AM on 02/11/2012
It means February is half over, and we are one step closer to winter being over. I show my love for my wife and son in the manner in which I live my life.
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
RandyTaran
Author, Filmmaker and Founder, Project Happiness
11:11 PM on 02/14/2012
Beautiful - that's what I'm talking about! Thanks for sharing such a clear and inspiring comment.
photo
french queen13
my beloved is mine and I am his
07:07 PM on 02/10/2012
I celebrate my beloved pretty well every day, but it's not something for buying stuff, because he's in Spirit. Valentine's doesn't mean that much to us, we like our own anniversaries better.
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
RandyTaran
Author, Filmmaker and Founder, Project Happiness
11:13 PM on 02/14/2012
You and your beloved are very fortunate to have such a profound relationship... thanks for sharing.
10:37 AM on 02/10/2012
For years Valentine's Day meant making people feel badly about their romantic life. I boycotted the holiday in some misguided solidarity. One day I realized that my VD stance was helping no one and maybe just denying me a little joy and celebration. Several years, and chocolate marshmallow hearts later, I can report that I am delighted I changed my tune. I natter more on it here: http://heresheisboys.com/2012/02/09/my-funny-valentine/
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
RandyTaran
Author, Filmmaker and Founder, Project Happiness
11:15 PM on 02/14/2012
Celebration is a wonderful thing - thanks for demonstrating that joy is a LOT more fun than anger!
photo
Capricious Capricorn
Don't wait for a storm to pass. Dance in the rain!
02:19 PM on 02/09/2012
I believe it IS a commercial orchestration fabricated by the greeting card, flower, chocolate industries AND jewelers to make us buy more ;-)
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
RandyTaran
Author, Filmmaker and Founder, Project Happiness
11:58 AM on 02/10/2012
Yes, love comes in many expressions! Wishing you a lovely and heartfelt Valentine's Day, make that Valentine's Year! Thanks so much for your comment.
12:29 PM on 02/09/2012
Randy, I agree fully with you that love needs to be grounded in trust. I have found (and write about) that accepting our loved one as they are is the best way in which to establish the type of trust and openness that enhances our love bond. Not accepting our loved ones as they are only breeds resentment and dissension. After all, who likes feeling or being told that they are not "good" enough or don't meet our expectations in matters of the heart?

When we stop trying to change the traits in our partner that we dislike and instead focus on their attributes that we appreciate, enjoy--and love--the love glow shines brighter!

Danny
www.losingcontrolfindingserenity.com
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
RandyTaran
Author, Filmmaker and Founder, Project Happiness
12:01 PM on 02/10/2012
Danny, beautiful thought! Self acceptance and acceptance of others are both SO important.
Thanks for sharing :)
09:19 AM on 02/09/2012
Ever wonder about the origins of Valentine's Day http://bit.ly/x1WAEe and symbols of love and romance http://bit.ly/Az8aVo? Be prepared for the special day and your partner will be glad you were!
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
RandyTaran
Author, Filmmaker and Founder, Project Happiness
12:03 PM on 02/10/2012
FASCINATING!!! Thanks for passing this along - it's always good to know how certain traditions got started :)