My Message of Cross-Cultural Understanding

From the speech to be delivered tomorrow at The Women's Conference 2007, hosted by California First Lady Maria Shriver and Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Before I start, on behalf of the people of Jordan, let me express my heartfelt concern for the citizens of southern California, as they battle atrocious and dangerous fires. And let me also pay tribute to the courage and tirelessness of the state's fire and police departments, the emergency services, volunteers and many others, who are all working around the clock...risking their own lives to save those of others. These people are real life, everyday heroes, and I think we should give them a round of applause to show our tremendous respect and admiration for the difficult job they are doing. May God be with you.

Thank you all for making me feel so at home. As someone who comes from half a world away, I appreciate the warmth of your welcome. But I am not surprised, because yours is a state that has the entire world within its borders -- a state that treasures diversity because you live it every day.

As an Arab and a Muslim, I am here today to share a message of cross-cultural understanding. And I am confident I have much to learn from you as well. Californians are proven champions of bridging cross-cultural divides. With no ethnic majority... more than 200 languages... and the daughter of such an iconic Democratic family married to a superstar Republican Governor... this state is clearly a fertile environment for cultivating common ground. In our time together, I would like to share a few stories from my life so far.

And I hope that somewhere within my stories, you will hear something that sounds familiar.

Because I am convinced that we are all much more alike than we are different... that the experiences that shape us, no matter where we grow up, bring out the same very human responses -- of tears and laughter, fear and courage, uncertainty and enlightenment. My hope is that you will see part of yourself in me, just as I have seen myself reflected in other women's lives around the world.

My first story takes place when I was five, in nursery school in Kuwait. It involves a quintessential product of American popular culture. And while I cannot say I learned everything that I really need to know in kindergarten, I did -- thanks to this cross-cultural exposure -- have what Oprah would have called an "Aha" moment.

My mother used to send me to school every day with my lunch in a lunchbox. Maybe your mother did that too -- or maybe you are the mom getting up a little earlier than everyone else to pack up the fruit, cut off the crusts, and draw a smiley face on a note. I still remember how good it felt to open up my lunchbox each day. I always knew I would find a hummus sandwich inside... and the familiar, dependable texture and taste that made me feel secure and loved.

One day, I sat next to one of my friends and watched her open her lunchbox. But what was inside? Not a hummus sandwich, but... peanut butter and jelly. And I thought -- how revolting! Or, in my five-year old lingo, "Ewww gross!" I had never seen food so strange. In fact, I felt a real sense of pity for my friend, that she was stuck with some weird peanut paste, instead of my mom's hummus.

And then one day, my friend suggested I might like to try her sandwich. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I braced myself and took a small bite. Do you remember Scooby-Doo, how Scooby would literally float off the ground at the thought of a Scooby-snack? Well that was my reaction to peanut butter and jelly. I thought it was heavenly.

And maybe you have had an experience like that too, where something you thought was foreign and strange revealed itself to be wonderful. Or when a judgment you had made on the basis of looks turned out to be totally wrong.

Even a five-year old can start to grasp the importance of an open mind.

Now, I do not want to over-dramatize the impact of peanut butter on my life. But so often today, in a world grown smaller, we are forced to confront new things - new people, new cultures, new ways of behavior -- that are different from what we are used to. And change can be scary. People often seek refuge by circling the wagons -- clinging tightly to what they know and trying to wall out what they do not.

Yet, when we do that, we diminish ourselves. We deprive ourselves of life's richness. And at worst, we perpetuate ignorance that breeds prejudice and fear.

I am afraid we are seeing that trend today in the tensions between East and West, with each side encumbered by stereotypes of what the other must be like. To hear some in the West, all Arab women are backward and oppressed... while some Arabs assume all American women are desperate housewives seeking sex in the city.

And some caricatures are not nearly as easy to laugh off... Arabs and Muslims as terrorists, for example, ... and Americans as people whose ultimate aim is to suppress Islam. If we are to get beyond stereotypes like these, we will have to really get to know one another. To taste the proverbial peanut butter -- and hummus -- instead of limiting ourselves to preconceptions.

And we should view this as a wonderful opportunity, not as a terrible burden. Because the more we try to stand in one another's shoes and appreciate one another's perspective, the more dimension, depth, and texture we'll ultimately add to our own.

Now, let's fast forward about 17 years. It's 1993 in Amman.

Picture yourself as a fresh college graduate, embarking on your career.

You have got your bachelor's degree in business ... and a great job with Citibank. You're looking forward to building on your education and experience.

Then, imagine you go to a party one night and you meet an incredible man. He's dashing and kind... sophisticated and brave... handsome and humble. A real prince.

Well, in my case he was!

And all of a sudden, I found myself facing a future I had never prepared for. We all know the story of Cinderella. But real life is not a fairy tale.

It seemed overwhelming. I was just 22. I had had a normal childhood. My closest encounters with royalty had been in the pages of People magazine. So you can imagine how anxious I felt when, shortly after I met my husband, my soon-to-be father-in-law King Hussein invited us over for lunch.

I have to confess, I envisioned a five-course banquet at a twenty-foot table. I was almost as nervous about using the right fork as I was about what I would say.

But I need not have worried. The King's favorite food was take-out falafel and pita bread from one of those amazing little hole-in-the wall restaurants that only a local would know.

Now you may be thinking - this Rania has sure learned a lot of life lessons from sandwiches!

But it was quite an experience to be meeting the king over a casual meal of falafel, just like any other Jordanian family might serve, with no protocol or pretense.

And when I think back on that moment now, it underscores for me the importance of the first pledge we have taken today - of showing up in our lives as ourselves.

Because whatever title or office we may be privileged to hold, it is what we do that defines who we are. It is how we treat others. What values we embrace. What example we set for our children. Each of us must decide what kind of person we want to be, what kind of legacy we want to pass on. It is not the rank or the role that matters. And it is not what we have. It is what we give.

No one I know gave more of himself than His Majesty King Hussein. Some of you may remember nine years ago, this week, when the king interrupted his chemotherapy treatments, literally leaving his hospital bed, to attend the Wye River peace talks in Maryland.

He was so sick... so thin... and so frail. He had lost all his hair -- even his eyebrows. And I am sure some of you have had to deal with cancer in your own family. You know what it is like to see someone you love in a battle for survival... to hold their hand in the doctor's office... and hope against hope that medical research will find a miracle cure.

His Majesty was dying. Yet he was unyielding in his total commitment to peace -- his determination to build a better tomorrow for all the children of Abraham. He breathed life into a quest for peace that many had thought was doomed. He ennobled those around him by the force of his great spirit. And that is what made him a king.

I am so proud that my husband, King Abdullah, is carrying on that legacy -- relentlessly pushing for an end to the conflicts that have torn apart our region for too long.

You and I may never get the chance to weigh in on a treaty or at a summit. But each of us, in our own small realm, can be the ones who greet the world with open arms. We can be the ones who demonstrate, in the words of King Hussein, "that peace resides ultimately not in the hands of governments but in the hands of the people." And we can teach our children that in our interdependent world, we have to be able to depend on one another.

The last story I want to tell is about a terrorist attack. Not 9/11, but 11/9. November 9, 2005 -- one of the worst days of my life... when suicide bombers struck three hotels in the heart of our capital city, Amman.

We lost 60 people that day, which in a country of just 6 million is the same proportion Americans lost the day the towers fell. In Jordan, we are a close-knit community. Everyone was touched by the tragedy. Everyone felt as though he or she had been personally attacked. There was a wedding celebration in one of the hotels. The bomber targeted the reception. And in what should have been their greatest hour of joy, the bride and groom saw their fathers killed, their families literally torn apart.

I went to the hospital to try to comfort the victims and survivors. There was a woman in her 40s who had lost her only child -- a 9-year old daughter she had tried for over 10 years to conceive. She kept asking me, "Why? Why did this have to happen?" And there was no answer to give. No words had the power to soothe her pain or lessen the scope of her sorrow.

If you had been there you would have wept with me, and our tears would have been indistinguishable, because there is no Arab way, no American way, of loving and losing a child. The voice of the heart needs no translation. The way we feel is exactly the same. Whatever we look like, wherever we live, however we pray, we respond to human suffering as human beings. But we must do more than find unity in grief. We must also find a way to share our strength. In the past, I have described this as a reverse domino effect, where we reach out and lift one another up- each woman handing another the gift of hope... and encouragement... and resilience to be passed on.

But if our "reverse domino effect" is to reach its fullest potential, the chain of caring must reach from the West to the East and back again. In a shrinking world, we cannot afford to ration our compassion. More than ever, our fates are intertwined -- and our friendship must know no boundaries.

I began by saying I knew that I had much to learn from Californians. And one of the things I will take home with me is Maria's message about the "the power of WE" -- a message of hope in a world too often divided between "us" and "them." Let us work together to extend that community of purpose to all our peoples - Californian, Jordanian, American, Arab -- joined in common values and common cause.

The words sound as sweet in any language:

* * *

We are the ones we have been waiting for.

Let us not wait any longer. It is time that both hummus and peanut butter sandwiches find their way into the lunchboxes of all our children, and generations to come.

Thank you very much.

Comments

[TLV]

Thank you for writing such a beautiful piece, Queen Rania. I long admired your father-in-law and now admire you and your husband for your pleas of moderation to your people.

As you probably already know, as diverse as this country is, we are most diverse where liberal education, cultural conglomeration, and more diversity in employment opportunities exists. The center of America, where fewer opportunities exist, less diversity in the population, and narrower views run rampant, it tends to be more rigid and less tolerant.

Let's hope our country and yours can work hand in hand to bring about rational thinking, diversity of thought, and understanding between cultures. We all know it must happen soon before the entire Middle East is affected by Bush's blunders in Iraq and beyond.

[nefertiti]

mommadona

3000 Swiss women have converted to islam since 9/11 and are proud to wear the hijab , more women are converting from britain and even france too and no one forces them to wear the hijab . look at Yvonne Ridley who converted to islam after she was released by the Talibans and is now working for islam channel .

http://www.csmonitor.com/2005/1227/p01s04-woeu.html

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6133579

[Horst]

So did King Abdullah's mother, Toni Gardiner from Ipswich. It's a crazy world: the current head of the Hashemites who trace their descent from Muhammad's great grandfather also have ancestors who were inn-keepers in the UK.

[mommadona]

If that is true, I pity them for their lack of independent thought.

This whole thing reminds me of the time when women flooded nunneries during the middle ages to escape from family-arranged marriages or the thought of not being able to think.

I am truly in sorrow for women who feel the need to cover the fact that they are a woman in order to be....a (?)woman(?)

Ladies, we have a perception and paradigm problem.

ORGANIZED religion is male domination.
Show me one Muslim woman in a place of power within the ORGANIZED religion.

How can a religion only represent 50% of it's 'adherents' and be considered anything short of a cult?

And, just for reference, I consider the Catholic Church the same way. AND the ridiculous fundamentalist Christian churches so prevalent in the US.

ORGANIZED Religion translates to "secondary" citizenship for the female.

[JCP]

Mommadona:

You claim "I am truly in sorrow for women who feel the need to cover the fact that they are a woman in order to be....a (?)woman(?­)."

I wonder if you cover your breasts at the beach, or on hot days when men are also shirtless, and if you would counsel your daughters likewise.

If not, sounds like secondary citizenship for the female here in the U.S., where in some states, women can be prosecuted for feeding her baby in public.

[luzcannon]

Thank you mommadonna! There is NO excuse for considering half of the human population as inferior or subservient. Or less responsible. If there is ANY hope for the human species, it will come from the women, and not the ones who accept themselves as less than the males. This shit is inherent in ALL organized religions (even the Buddhists treat women as inferior), but most particularly the Abrahamic ones, who have given us the two worst ideas in human history - female subservience and monotheism. We must move past this filthy, stupid, enslaving, horrible idea into a NEW age of reason.

[nefertiti]

smart stuart

Golda meir once said to Alan hart in his book zionism is the enemy of Jews (page 19)
lou , (as she called him) when she said the palestinians did not exist , those were the Silliest godman words she had ever said (her own words ) she wished she had never uttered them.

[nefertiti]

crabcake

Many muslim women feel liberated wit the hijab because no one looks at them as a body and as a female but as a human being with a brain . many do not feel oppressed and want to wear the hijab many WESTERN women who converted to islam are wearing the hijab with pride and no one forced them. my own mother wore the hijab when she was 40 , no one forced her , dad died when she was in her 20s . My own friend who is a lawyer in Morocco chose to wear the Hijab much to her husband disapproval , but he has now accepted it . check this out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZVYJNvauwo

[HermioneGranger]

Mostly, they need to wear the hijab because their men can't control themselves. They are like dogs. I doubt they see them as women with brains.

[CeeCee]

In that case, it would be a better solution to educate the men. Wearing the hijab is not much protection against sexual violence.

[MagisterLudi]

As usual, Arianna invites someone who is articulate and poetic like Her Majesty, who learned to live with Palestinians and Israelis in relative peace and harmony.
And then the usual gang of vile and hate-filled would be do-gooders spread their filth against the Jews.
Some just don't care blinded by their hatred for all things Jewish.
Some probably think that their fantasyland tirades would somehow move forward Palestinian cause. But it exactly has the reverse result. Their animalistic hatred against the Jews only makes the Jews more resolute in the face of blinding hatred.
For instance, I always found AIPEC a little too strong for my tastes, I am being a hard-left socialist.
But since reading Hufpo for awhile and finding out to my surprise how many closet Jew haters there are out there, I changed my mind and started attending AIPEC meetings and contributing to their cause.

To my horror I found out that they were right... and I was wrong by over-estimating the general rationality of humans.
Thank you Your Majesty for restoring some of my hope for humankind.

[jbstonesfan]

100% correct!!! The hatred and venom towards Jews and Israel has turned this once liberal Jew into a very conservative Democrat. It is very "in" for the extreme left to take up the Palestinian cause, yet ignore the underlying reasons-namely the Arab and Muslim leaders, who maintain power by teaching their citizens that Jews are animals and that Israel and all Jews must be destroyed. Like Golda Meir also said "There won't be peace in the Middle East until Arab mothers love their children more than they hate Jews" -- Golda Meir.

[BaHa]

I believe in neither royalty nor god. Reading posters saying "Oh, Queen" is rather revolting. I'm not denigrating her writing...­but if it were an atheist, nonroyal woman writing, would you kvell quite so much? I doubt it.

[CSDofNM]

Perhaps you do not know this majestic Rania, Queen of Jordan. But she is beautiful, inside and out. She is what all of us would aspire to be, if we were to be judged "not by the color of our skin, but by the content of our character". I have no problems with atheists (I tend towards the agnostic). I have no problems with non-royals (being one kind of helps). I love women, especially the strong women, like the ones in my family, that this site attracts. Arianna. Nora Ephron. Naomi Wolf, Txfemmom. Thalia. Jane Hamsher. Taylor Marsh.

If you doubt her, or her writing, I challenge you to have a dream. Write this dream down and explain, from where we are, how we get to there. Does everyone matter in your dream? They do in hers. Do people work out their differences instead of killing each other? They do in hers.

In any open competition for royalty, Rania would win. Not just because of her beauty and grace, which are tremendous, nor even her marvelous mind. No, Rania would win, because like another King, she has a dream.

[Horst]

Same people who are in a perpetual state of bereavement about Diana.

[CSDofNM]

Do you really think I was talking about Diana? Try Martin Luther King, Jr.

I do think the loss of Diana was sad - ten years ago. Too bad Horst, that you haven't done as much for a single charity in your whole life as she did in a single day.

Let us glorify those who, by example, lead lives that we can all be proud of, and let us only disparage others in the hopes of making them better.

[pchdriver]

I've had the good fortune to visit several Muslim countries -- it's an experience I wish more Americans could share.

It's like Queen Rania trying peanut butter, if only to be polite. Maybe Americans discover they like the Middle Eastern culture, the food, the people. Maybe they don't. But they now have firsthand knowledge. They're not depending on someone else to tell them about the various Muslim peoples and their customs. When you've met the people, it becomes more difficult to make sweeping judgments, and easier to be pragmatic and rational like the Queen. We need more of this attitude.

-- Christian Gulliksen

[freespeach]

You are a great writer Queen Rania.

I have traveled much of the world and yes food is this magical thing that allows cultures and people to bridge great divides.

In addition to all the food references you make some wonderful points about our similarities as people.

I hope you post here again.

[Rothgar]

Rania:

I agree it was a great pleasure to read your post. I am afraid that while we relish you words they need to be applied to groups who would never, ever be found at HuffPo. Truly a shame.
I wish we could figure a way to get such messages to the greedy and extremists on both sides.

[crabcake]

Why are Muslim women forced by law to wear clothing that is very, very uncomfortable?? It must be very hot. I don't think Muslim women are backward, but I think they are oppressed. Many are probably beautiful and intelligent and it's sad that they are kept hidden. It's also very sad that Hollywood portrays American women as silly desperate housewives--and Hollywood has no qualms about broadcasting these awful TV shows around the world.

[NavyMom]

Your Majesty-Your words brought tears to my eyes. Yes, we are more alike than different. Tolerance is the answer, the only answer.

[blacksellout]

More interested in using american airtime for image management huh. I guess when Afganistan happens, those women can't depend on women with a voice. Have to wait for the hated and reviled Americans to do something about it, and what they do will carefully not be acknowleged.

[Pythia]

Her Majesty, I once had the honor of meeting your father in haw his Majesty King Hussein and his wife Queen Noor, at a Middle East Peace conference at the Dead Sea in Israel In November of 1995, days before Yitzhak Rabin was assassinated.

I also once had the honor to visit your beautiful country, and visit the legendary city of Petra. Upon entering, I saw a camel who was sitting, his posterior facing me. I thought it might make a cute "the end" photo from my trip. Going over to the camel and the small boy tending him, he asked politely for two dinars.

Certainly.

Then, after I stopped him from making the camel rise, and he realized that I did not want to ride the animal but merely photograph him, he insisted I take my money back.

"Please madam" he begged me, as I shook my head, to indicate he could keep it. Turning to leave, I was shocked to find he had followed me, and once again, with a "Please madam", he actually put the two dinars inside the top of my open bag.

It was one of the most incredible demonstrations of integrity, that I have ever observed while touring any country, and I often think of that little boy, and why everyone cannot behave so honorably and dignified.­..

I was very disappointed to hear the new Kempinski Dead Sea Ishtar does not wish to accommodate health tourists who come for the wonderful relief of this natural miracle. I am still attempting to find an hotel in Jordan that will welcome me, and I hope, that in the years that have passed since my visit, I will find the same hospitality and integrity.

Thank you, for such a gracious example with your charming post here. Welcome, Your Majesty, to California.

[ReasonIsMyReligion]

Beautiful inside and out.

Thank you, and welcome to HuffPo.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1619564,00.html

P.S. In our house, the peanut butter lives in a cabinet, the hummus (and the baba...) in the fridge.

[GJMandinka]

Beautiful post. Even within the ranks of the folks that would like to fix things, there is so much justified bitterness that finger-pointing often seems to be the only sentiment that rises to the surface.
I too, hope we don't forget our common humanity in the shadow of the terrible actions and agendas of the few.

[Balzac]

That was nice to read.

Queen Rania is a class act.