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Google Maps for Very Young Children

Posted: Updated:

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1. Head Northwest on Newark Ave toward Jersey Avenue.

2. Make a Right onto Jersey Avenue.

3. Continue 4.2 feet toward A Dead Caterpillar.

4. Attempt to eat remains of caterpillar (NOT PERMITTED, YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO DO THIS).

5. Two minutes crying.

6. Walk one block to 2nd Street before turning around for no apparent reason and walking back to 1st Street.

7. Continue toward 3rd Street.

8. Back toward 2nd Street (unexplained) where you will spend 20 minutes crying and having a bowel movement in front of a Real Estate Office.

9. Attempt to walk off the curb onto Jersey Avenue to the cries of "NO NO NO, NOT IN THE STREET. STAY OUT OF THE STREET!"

10. Follow small dog 200 feet along Jersey Avenue to 5th Street while screaming the word "CAT."

11. Back toward 4th Street.

12. Walk in circle for 10 minutes saying "Babababababababa" to nobody.

13. Get picked up and carried as far as 6th Street before crying hysterically and wrestling yourself free of parent's arms.

14. Continue 100 feet toward 7th Street, following a baby stroller. Spend 10 minutes smiling at baby and/or eating the food off the stroller's food tray.

15. Stop between 7th and 8th Streets for literally no reason and refuse to move for between 10 and 15 minutes.

16. Walk 20 feet and repeatedly attempt to climb the steps of an apartment building that is not your apartment building, despite cries that you need to stop.

17. Continue 100 feet toward park, stopping briefly to pick up a wet graham cracker and an empty Doritos bag you encounter on the sidewalk.

18. You have arrived at your destination.

ARRIVE AT PARK THAT IS 8 BLOCKS AWAY

Distance Covered: 0.5 Miles

Estimated Time: 9 hours, 20 minutes

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