THE BLOG
11/01/2013 04:50 pm ET Updated Jan 23, 2014

Infidelity Is Acceptable in Marriage

In some cases. This is my personal opinion, although I know many will disagree. Please indulge me in keeping an open mind whilst you consider this full post.

I feel I need to put a disclaimer in before I start this post, which will inevitably ruffle a few feathers.

Both men and women cheat, both for different reasons. My experience as a woman who previously worked in the sex industry as an escort is with cheating men, so this post is about them. I wait with mild amusement for the predictable onslaught...

If anyone feels strongly offended by the fact that I am writing about cheating men and not women, may I suggest you write a post to cover the other side, because I don't have the experience to comment or write about it, but I would be interested to learn.

People like to think of cheating as black and white; however, it isn't. There are so many greys and so many unique situations that couples find themselves in -- none of us can turn around and say, "I'd never do that," because we aren't that person living their life in their shoes.

In some instances guys are doing what they can to keep their family together and keep everyone happy. What people forget sometimes is that some wives don't want their cheating man to leave. They turn a blind eye to infidelity because it suits them and in some situations encourage it because it stops their husband pestering them for sex. Sometimes they are cheating themselves!

Here are some things for you to consider. These are all real situations that I am covering in the current book I am writing, Why Husbands Stray, which is a compilation of individual stories on why men cheat. I am interested in your thoughts and opinions about the guys in these specific situations listed below; all of which I encountered during my time as an escort.

  1. Guy number 1 dearly loves his wife; however, she's mentally ill and suicidal, and he's starved of basic love and affection, so he books escorts. They have two children and they are her life. If he left her he'd have to take the kids and she'd go into a mental hospital. Being away from her children would break her and send her over the edge. What about his well-being, that needs to be intact to care for her and stop him from committing suicide himself?
  2. Guy number 2 is a guy in his 60s who has never given anyone oral sex or received it and has been married and faithful for 40 years, and has only ever been intimate with his wife. He didn't want to penetrate another woman he wanted to experience giving and receiving oral sex at least once in his life. Is this so wrong?
  3. Guy number 3, his sex drive is out of synch with his wife's. He wants it more than her. Expecting him to have less than he desires -- is it not as bad as expecting her to have more? Neither is what the other wants. Communication and a compromise is needed. He deeply loves her and their family and is happy and content with all other areas of their marriage and partnership. It's a healthy sex life that's missing. He's tried to communicate this to her but she is not interested, so he books escorts. Should he leave and break up the family?
  4. Guy number 4, his wife has MS and is confined to a wheel chair, who can't accommodate her husbands needs, so she asks him to book an escort. Is it wrong if it's consented infidelity?
  5. Guy number 5 married years back when no sex before marriage was the norm. Once married found he was with a woman that only saw sex as a necessity for procreation and not enjoyment? Should he accept a life of no sex after the children are born?
  6. Guy number 6 is in a marriage of convenience with three children between 4 and 17. His wife cheats occasionally and he does more so, but they are both discreet and they never discuss their infidelity, they just turn a blind eye. They love each other, but are no longer in love. Divorce would be costly and they both genuinely find that aside from the intimate side of their relationship everything else just works and the kids are happy and blissfully unaware of their extra-martial affairs. Should they rock the boat and break up the family?

These are only a very small selection of personal situations, some of which are more common than others.

On reflection has anyone has changed their perception from a black and white view to consider one or more of these greys?