THE BLOG

Silicon Valley Announces Through Hip Hop Artist GZA Its Adoption of BLaaS

07/11/2013 06:32 pm ET | Updated Sep 10, 2013

Silicon Valley, known the world over for pioneering technology software delivery models including SaaS (software as a service), PaaS (platform as a service), and BaaS (backend as a service - note: yes this is the correct term), has today announced it will adopt BLaaS as a standard software delivery model which will likely offer hundreds of non-monetized startups, particularly in the photo-sharing and dating space, a leg up.

BLaaS, which stands for "Blackmail as a service," was originally coined by American hip hop artist (and founding member of the Wu-Tang Clan) GZA during his performance at the "Crunchies 2012," the industry's answer to Hollywood's Oscars. The awards show, hosted by TechCrunch, actually and confusingly took place in February 2013.

"I feel extremely honored that a community as prestigious and innovative such as this actually took something I said off-handedly and turned it into a meaningful and useful phrase," remarked GZA. "I mean, daayyyaaammm."

He added sincerely: "And I want to be clear about one thing - they did not choose me to announce this exciting news because of the fact that I am [for real] a 'black male'. It's just a weird and bizarre coincidence. Much like how Anthony Weiner's name happened to coincide with his Twitter scandal."

BLaaS has already been used widely among hot, sexy startups like Tinder and Snapchat, who have yet to figure out other forms of monetization.

Said one notable Snapchat investor: "Yeah, I wasn't 100% sure investing $35M into the app was a great idea, but when I heard about BLaaS I knew we would recoup at least some of our investment. I mean, do you know what people take photos of?"

At press time, Facebook and Instagram, also owned by Facebook, were contemplating the BLaaS model as well. Yahoo! wouldn't comment, except to say that GZA did make CEO Marissa Mayer quite uncomfortable when he commented on her nice legs during his tech-rap song at the "Crunchies 2012." Which were actually in 2013.

###

More:

Satire