MSNBC Pundit Joe Scarborough Takes Stage With Huckabee And Chuck Norris

By Paul Harang of "Tigers On The Trail" and in collaboration with HuffPost's OffTheBus.

At Mike Huckabee's "Huck and Chuck" rally today in Des Moines, Iowa, the former governor spoke as the friendly neighborhood preacher. Start with a joke, put in some business, throw in another joke, more business, and close with a joke. He followed a painfully self-loving three-piece classic rock cover band and briefly outlined his platform. Fair tax, the sanctity of marriage, and beefing up defense spending so that we'll be so strong no one will want to mess with us.

Huck's speech was the low point of the night. He joked about his supporters disabling Romney supporters' cars on Thursday (caucus day), then introduced the main event - "A great American hero," Chuck Norris!

Chuck took the stage to wild applause. With his wife by his side, he mentioned that supporting Mike Huckabee was so important to them that they left their six year-old twins in California to be with the Huck. He then explained every detail of the commercial that he shot with the governor, just in case we missed it.

Chuck Norris has a gripe with the media. Evidently, it is unfair that Huckabee is referred to as a Baptist minister - it should be Governor Huckabee. Afterall, we don't call Mitt Romney Businessman Romney. I was not aware that "Baptist minister" was a derogatory term.

Someone asked Chuck Norris if he was tougher than Mike Huckabee. He answered, "I work out on the Total Gym, but I'm not as tough." The crowd went wild.

After Chuck, Janet Huckabee took the stage and announced, "I can't wait to be your first lady, because it is going to be too cool." To show how cool a Huckabee White House would be, Mike retook the stage with the bass guitar that was conspicuously missing from the opening band. He announced a special guest on the rhythm guitar -- MSNBC pundit Joe Scarborough (I'm not making this up) -- and they launched into an excited version of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama." And no, Watergate does not bother them.

After a couple of songs, Chuck Norris related the evidently hilarious story about how he choked out a Marine while taking a picture with him during a USO trip. All the other Marines in Iraq heard about it and also thought it was hilarious. Then Chuck shared his favorite Chuck Norris Fact. "They were going to put Chuck Norris's face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite was not tough enough for his beard," said Mr. Norris through an ecstatic grin. Where is Bruce Lee when you need him?

Mike Huckabee's new spokesman is wildly popular and seemingly loyal, but his speech is disorganized, his vibe narcissistic, and his presence distracting. Then again, when a campaign event is more about the candidate's bass solo during "Roll Over Beethoven" than the candidate's message, it fits right in.

Comments

[NiceFlyer]

Doesn't it look like Huckleberry Huckabee is starting to put back on some of that weight he lost?

[ThoughtPolice]

It appears That Mike Huckabee thinks Chuck Norris should be running for President!!!

[NABNYC]

So. Chuck Norris, whose claims to authenticity are that he played an assassin in movies, or played a cowboy on TV, is campaigning for the Ozarks snake-handling preacher man. And he complains that Elmer Gantry should be called "Governor."

Well let's talk about this whole Title Issue. I've often wondered why men keep their title forever, even if they only briefly held the position. Someone is Senator for one term, but for the rest of their life they will be introduced as "Senator." Coach. Professor. I know Judges -- even on the golf course, even retired for years, they are introduced as Judge So-and-So. President. Ambassador (Wilson).

My theory is this. Our society is so male-dominated in every single regard that men take titles for themselves and hold onto them forever, as if part of some family dynasty. It's like being a Hapsburg used to be in Europe. It sets them apart from all the others, and shows they are superior, more worthy, more important than anyone else who is present. They must get the best table forever, everyone must bow down and kiss their rings, speak in awed tones when addressing them. No matter how corrupt or incompetent they were.

And not surprisingly, these lifelong titles are generally only for the men. Women are excluded from the Title Club. In fact, a third party handling the introductions will generally introduce "Judge" Smith to Susie Brown. The woman is automatically introduced to the world on a first-name basis, just like a child is.

As far as I'm concerned, once you're done with the job you should give up the title, return to joining the rest of the human race. Be happy to call yourself human and alive, and drop the preposterous royalty-tag which only serves to highlight the fact that at one time in your life you had a good job, and probably since that time have been completely worthless.