My Mother, Not Me

05/15/2015 01:56 pm ET | Updated May 15, 2016

Life in the Boomer Lane doesn't need Mother's Day to think about her own mother. She does that all throughout the year. She lost her mother four decades ago, before her mother could have experienced the joy of grandchildren. LBL would have liked to have been the kind of person her mom was: selfless, loyal, uncomplaining, a great cook. Instead, she got other attributes, which she is still trying to figure out. So, in honor of Mother's Day, she presents to you some of the differences between her mother (Mildred) and herself.

(A note to her mother: If, wherever you are, you are reading this, be so kind as to leave a comment. LBL has been contacted, after death, by her mother-in-law, her dog, her cousin and other assorted people who she didn't even know very well. Never by you. She still deeply regrets the scare she gave you when she stayed out for hours, playing the pinball machine at one of the neighborhood grocery stores. Please contact her.)

Mom would have gone without eating to make sure LBL had enough.

LBL would have cut the (generous) crusts off the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, scarfed them down, and told her child that she had done them a favor by presenting them the sandwich in that tidy way.

Mom would have spent her last dollar on something for LBL.

LBLwould have spent her last dollar on an ice cream for her child, after sampling all of the flavors in the ice cream store. Then she would have asked for a bite of her child's ice cream.

Mom never uttered one word about the hardships of her life.

LBL entertained her kids with a comedy routine about life's tragedies, wrote a blog post about them, told all of her friends in great detail and then increased her meds.

Mom never had the need to hire a babysitter while LBL was growing up.
LBL had a parade of sitters come to the house, some of whom arrived wearing ankle monitors.

Mom would never have considered feeding LBL anything other than a home-cooked meal for dinner.

By the time LBL's kids were teens, they had developed a real preference for any food product sold in cardboard boxes.

Mom would have sat up all night worrying if LBL had ever stayed out too late.

LBL fully intended to stay up and worry, but then always fell into a blissful, sound sleep.

Mom always made the world a less scary, less complex and a less daunting place for LBL.

LBL will have to check with her kids to see if that was the case for them. If the answer is positive, she'll let you know. If not, you'll never hear about this again.

Mom truly believed the wonders of the universe all resided in LBL's eyes. And that was all she needed in life.

LBL also believes the wonders of the universe all reside in her children's eyes. But she also requires manicures and online shopping.