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Sex and the 60-Year-Old (Part 3)

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When my friend Susan arranges her first meetings with men, she has to make sure she meets the right person. This is because she has, on at least one occasion, had an entire conversation with the wrong person in a public place. His wife, when she arrived, was not amused.

Susan's way of making sure that this situation would never occur again was to ask the next man she was to meet to wear something distinctive so that she would recognize him. He did. When she entered the restaurant, he was wearing a pair of antlers. He wore them throughout the meal. As this was not during hunting season, and since the restaurant was not located in Disney World, Susan was a bit embarrassed. (Please note: Susan did not ask him to remove the antlers, nor did she use the "I'm going to the ladies room" ploy to leave.)

Antler Man spent most of the evening assuring Susan that although he was "way over the hill," his parts were all in working order. (I will not make an obvious joke here). After dinner, Susan didn't want him to walk her to her car, so she told him she had shopping to do, at which point he decided to accompany her to the local book store. Once in the store, he proceeded to pop out of the aisles to surprise her, antlers still intact.

This experience taught Susan that asking for something "distinctive" might not be a good idea, at least in a public place. So, for her next encounter, she and her date agreed to each wear paper bags over their heads. I am not making this up. He came to her condo complex and stood outside her garage. She entered the garage through the building, opened the door, and, at the count of three, each of them ceremoniously lifted the bags over their head. The fact that Susan wanted him to immediately put his bag back on was a minor issue. The major issue was why Susan would have suggested paper bags and why he would have agreed.

To be fair to Susan, some of her dates wore interesting items even when she didn't require them. One of them wore bedroom slippers to a fairly nice restaurant, telling her he liked to be comfortable. I guess she should have been happy that he didn't wear his pajamas.

On the other hand, some men presented a problem by what they didn't wear. We will not discuss that at this time. Photos will be sent on request.

Most of the above scenarios occurred in restaurants. But Susan has also arranged to meet men on park benches, in book stores, bars, parks, public bathrooms and outpatient surgery waiting rooms. We will explore some of these in Part 4.