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Renee Olstead

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My Life Before 'Secret Life'

Posted: 03/19/2012 9:30 am

Growing up in the entertainment industry, I've had a lot of people tell me I'm not good enough. When I was young, I was teased mercilessly by my classmates for being a redhead. I wasn't particularly well coordinated either, which made me a bit of a liability in P.E. My dad left when I was about 14, to start over with a new family. His new girlfriend told me all about how my 'being a girl' had always been a bit of a disappointment for him and how she was going to give him the son he always wanted. I still remember sitting by the phone on my 15th birthday waiting for him to call. He never did and I never saw him again for that matter. By then I was working on my first TV show, Still Standing, which ran until I was about 17. I began hearing little comments here and there about how I looked heavy on camera and I believed them all.

For many years, I struggled with how I felt about myself. I hid and harbored very self-destructive eating issues, namely anorexia, which at its worst caused me to lose half of my hair and brought my weight down dramatically. I kept telling myself if I was thinner, I'd be good enough. I thought that the more weight I lost, the less people would criticize me. I looked to the Internet for help and soon found a network of 'pro-ana' sites to put my trust in. I knew what I was doing wasn't healthy, but I didn't care. I bought a little notebook and wrote down my new destructive diet plan. I began working out obsessively and compulsively logging every calorie I ingested. I began lying about whether or not I'd eaten and finding a new huge source of anxiety in eating in front of other people.

For a long time, that way of thinking seemed to make a lot of sense to me, until I eventually found myself physically and mentally exhausted from chasing something I could no longer control. My friends became concerned about me. My mom realized I was putting my food down the garbage disposal. All of my lies were coming to a head and I was incredibly tired. I just couldn't do it anymore and I knew I needed help.

Since then, I've received a lot of help from counselors about my eating issues and I encourage any girls (or guys) dealing with these feelings to do the same. I'm 22 years old now, I'm at a healthy weight, I'm truly happy and I'm on the hit TV show The Secret Life of the American Teenager. I don't just think I'm good enough, now I KNOW I am, and I know I deserve happiness.

If you or a friend are struggling with an eating disorder, please encourage them to seek help by speaking to an adult you trust, a counselor, or by calling the National Eating Disorder Association Hotline at 1-800-931-2237.

 
 
 
Growing up in the entertainment industry, I've had a lot of people tell me I'm not good enough. When I was young, I was teased mercilessly by my classmates for being a redhead. I wasn't particularly w...
Growing up in the entertainment industry, I've had a lot of people tell me I'm not good enough. When I was young, I was teased mercilessly by my classmates for being a redhead. I wasn't particularly w...
 
 
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12:03 PM on 03/27/2012
What a remarkable story, Renee. I don't know how anyone could say you're not good enough. That's rediculous. You have so much going for you, are such a beautiful and gorgeous woman, and are so talented. I've seen you on Still Standing and Secret Life and think you're fantastic. I look forward to seeing you in your new film! I'm also a fan of your singing.
I'm planning on having a suspense/horror movie made at some point. It's still just a dream, but one I'm pursuing nevertheless. And if I could choose anyone for the leading role, it most certainly would be you. I can't think of anyone better for the part, and that's a complement.
You're a wonderful person, Renee. God bless!
02:52 AM on 03/25/2012
Renee, you and every woman in the world for that matter, are beautiful no matter what. There is no one more important in any man's life that his mother or sister or wife. He will need one of those three aspects of womanhood at some point in his life even if he is gay. Women represent the life-giving aspect of our physical and spiritual natures. We don't need skinny dead girls in our lives. We need healthy women who give life to us both physically and spiritually. And btw, redheads are not only beautiful but also very sexy. Everyone has something about themselves that is different--and "different" is often ridiculed. Yet without differentiation, we would all die of the same disease. We are beautiful and sexy because of our differences. We love you, Renee, because there is no one else like you. We hope that you will love us just the same.
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purefabulousity
Cthulhu/Dagon 2012
06:13 AM on 03/21/2012
It's great that you recovered!

I also struggled with anorexia and bulimia. At 5'9", I went from 160 pounds to 130 until I was sent to the hospital. After I was released, I received support from my family and friends towards recovering (which I credit with helping the severity of my anorexia). After over a year, several therapists, nutritionists, and my coming out (being closeted provide a basis for the self hate that led to my insecurities), I can say that I am fully cured.

To anyone else out there, stay strong!
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rewith85man
Expressing Who I Am
01:35 AM on 03/21/2012
The thing about bullies and people who don't care about you is that you can prove them wrong.

Who are they and what makes them any better than yourself?
10:46 AM on 03/20/2012
What a brave young woman she is to share her story. I wish there were more strong role models like her out there to show girls that these women, celebrated in magazines and commercials, face the same image and body issues as every other girl. When these young celebrities are paraded around as beautiful and thin, it negatively effects millions of impressionable teens. Its time to be honest about it, most celebrities are unrecognizable without their arsenal of makeup, lighting, and photo-shopping. Thank you for your honesty! I wish you success beyond your dreams ;-)
03:54 PM on 03/19/2012
I always thought you were adorable on Still Standing! Glad you've gotten your life back now. Good luck to you.
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KDMac
It's called sarcasm, Genius.
03:11 PM on 03/19/2012
When I coached girls basketball, I made it a point to build up the girls' self esteem. (not by false praise, but just talking to the girls and telling them that their lives mattered, not to let what some guy thinks determine how they feel about themselves, etc...). the picture I have as my avatar is of my dad, who I was so lucky to have in my life!
02:04 PM on 03/19/2012
I first discovered you through your music, and was surprised to find out that you struggled thru an eating disorder. I can only urge you to continue your musical and acting career. I am a big fan of your music, and I watch your version of "Through the Fire" with David Foster often...it still gives me goosebumps each time. Such a strong, powerful voice...you are blessed.
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David Steven
01:36 PM on 03/19/2012
My heart goes out to you. Life can be cruel sometimes. You will rise about it. You are strong and beautiful, both inside and out. Don't worry about what others think. When you do, you subordinate yourself to them. They're not worth it. You have a gift that most people don't, and the haters will display their jealousy in a glaring light. I believe the sky's the limit for you. Enjoy!
12:34 PM on 03/19/2012
I'm so sorry to hear your father suffered from inadequacy. He poured all of his low self esteem onto you. Honey, you were beautiful the day you were born. Your birth was in God's plan, not your father's. I hope you never spend another day fretting or thinking about your birth father. Your true Father in Heaven loves and adores you. Never forget that.
12:09 PM on 03/19/2012
I always thought you were hot!! very sad to hear you thought you were not.
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rewith85man
Expressing Who I Am
01:38 AM on 03/21/2012
Those people caused her to feel that way. She later changed that way of thinking.

It makes her, me, and anyone else realize that some people are just ignorant.
11:29 AM on 03/19/2012
Wow, her father is the worst. Why was it such a problem for him to have a daughter?
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rewith85man
Expressing Who I Am
01:40 AM on 03/21/2012
Yeah, but if I was her, I would not worry. The child he has may treat him the same way later.
11:19 AM on 03/19/2012
Sounds similar my dad. He has mentioned multiple times that he would rather have sons. Even his mother said both my sister and I were worthless. Unfortunately he is still with my mom miserably married. I've been begging her to leave him since I was 5. He spends quality time with my male cousins. He takes them fishing. He knows how much I like fishing but never asks me to come. I was thankful that he never wanted to spend time with me growing up. I don't like him. But I always hoped I could have a different father who loved me. Every time father's day rolls around I will give him something. He will tell me I am worthless. He will say it's never good enough. For years I destroyed his presents out of rejection. Sure we lived in the same house. I still don't consider myself to have a father. He lives for the tv. He is a major reason why I hate most men.

Perhaps there is something to a bad parent that screws up people. My job is retouching women to make them look like they are on magazine covers. I am so ashamed of how I look that I won't let my husband take pictures of me. I never look at myself in the mirror. I used to have anorexia while in high school but discovered that the weight comes back with avengeance. It really destroys your metabolism. Mine has never been the same since.
04:03 PM on 03/19/2012
Wow. Thanks for sharing. Your situation sounds similar to Renee's. Don't hate all men; although it's tough for me to defend those who live for spors/TV/beer/etc, or who MUST have a son.
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SLM89
Don't just look outside the box, change the box
09:37 AM on 03/20/2012
Her dad's girlfriend told her that he wanted a boy..I can't imagine someone saying that to a child, much less a woman who is marrying a man who already has a child..
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edensaunt
11:13 AM on 03/19/2012
As long as being a girl is seen as a problem, as long as a girl having appetites (sexual or otherwise) is seen as diminishing her worth and status, as long as girls feel the need to transcend being human to be acceptable, we will see their passion and potential siphoned off into these self-destructive behaviors. IMO.
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nypapajoe
11:00 AM on 03/19/2012
The fashion and magazine industry has created a international crisis amongst women and how they persive themselves. Women should rebel against the perception being peitrated on women! Remember women what is being portrayed is all makeup, lighting and the magic of the computers to manipulate the image in short it's all fake! When you walk just look around you NO body looks like them magazine manikins!