Growing up in the entertainment industry, I've had a lot of people tell me I'm not good enough. When I was young, I was teased mercilessly by my classmates for being a redhead. I wasn't particularly well coordinated either, which made me a bit of a liability in P.E. My dad left when I was about 14, to start over with a new family. His new girlfriend told me all about how my 'being a girl' had always been a bit of a disappointment for him and how she was going to give him the son he always wanted. I still remember sitting by the phone on my 15th birthday waiting for him to call. He never did and I never saw him again for that matter. By then I was working on my first TV show, Still Standing, which ran until I was about 17. I began hearing little comments here and there about how I looked heavy on camera and I believed them all.
For many years, I struggled with how I felt about myself. I hid and harbored very self-destructive eating issues, namely anorexia, which at its worst caused me to lose half of my hair and brought my weight down dramatically. I kept telling myself if I was thinner, I'd be good enough. I thought that the more weight I lost, the less people would criticize me. I looked to the Internet for help and soon found a network of 'pro-ana' sites to put my trust in. I knew what I was doing wasn't healthy, but I didn't care. I bought a little notebook and wrote down my new destructive diet plan. I began working out obsessively and compulsively logging every calorie I ingested. I began lying about whether or not I'd eaten and finding a new huge source of anxiety in eating in front of other people.
For a long time, that way of thinking seemed to make a lot of sense to me, until I eventually found myself physically and mentally exhausted from chasing something I could no longer control. My friends became concerned about me. My mom realized I was putting my food down the garbage disposal. All of my lies were coming to a head and I was incredibly tired. I just couldn't do it anymore and I knew I needed help.
Since then, I've received a lot of help from counselors about my eating issues and I encourage any girls (or guys) dealing with these feelings to do the same. I'm 22 years old now, I'm at a healthy weight, I'm truly happy and I'm on the hit TV show The Secret Life of the American Teenager. I don't just think I'm good enough, now I KNOW I am, and I know I deserve happiness.
If you or a friend are struggling with an eating disorder, please encourage them to seek help by speaking to an adult you trust, a counselor, or by calling the National Eating Disorder Association Hotline at 1-800-931-2237.
I'm planning on having a suspense/horror movie made at some point. It's still just a dream, but one I'm pursuing nevertheless. And if I could choose anyone for the leading role, it most certainly would be you. I can't think of anyone better for the part, and that's a complement.
You're a wonderful person, Renee. God bless!
I also struggled with anorexia and bulimia. At 5'9", I went from 160 pounds to 130 until I was sent to the hospital. After I was released, I received support from my family and friends towards recovering (which I credit with helping the severity of my anorexia). After over a year, several therapists, nutritionists, and my coming out (being closeted provide a basis for the self hate that led to my insecurities), I can say that I am fully cured.
To anyone else out there, stay strong!
Who are they and what makes them any better than yourself?
It makes her, me, and anyone else realize that some people are just ignorant.
Perhaps there is something to a bad parent that screws up people. My job is retouching women to make them look like they are on magazine covers. I am so ashamed of how I look that I won't let my husband take pictures of me. I never look at myself in the mirror. I used to have anorexia while in high school but discovered that the weight comes back with avengeance. It really destroys your metabolism. Mine has never been the same since.