THE BLOG

Why You Should Stop Being Jaded

06/17/2015 02:55 pm ET | Updated Jun 17, 2016

I recently saw a very lively Facebook thread started by a popular dating coach. He got the conversation going by asking who wanted to get married and why. The replies were fascinating. It was astounding how many women do not desire marriage and seem to be extremely jaded. They cited not wanting to get burned again and difficulty finding quality men to date, let alone marry.

We all have disappointments in life, and relationship disappointments are some of the most painful. Getting your heart broken isn't for sissies. There's nothing like lying on the floor sobbing with snot and mascara all over your face to humble you, not that I would know about such things.

As soul-crushing as heartbreak is, we need to remember that it happens to us all. The next time you go to a public place, look at all the people around you and take in the fact that every single one of them has experienced heartbreak.

That said, moving on is essential. If you allow your past disappointments to kill your dreams, you lose not once, but over and over again. We all experience crushing defeat in the world of love, but it's so much better to pick yourself up and move on than it is to become jaded and bitter.

Being jaded is unattractive. We all know brittle, world-weary, snarky people and we stay guarded around them. Being cynical about relationships can turn into a vicious circle. Jaded people attract other like-minded individuals and they keep each other at arm's length in relationships. When you don't let anyone get close to you, you can't complain about your relationships being shallow and unsatisfying. You get what you give.

Being jaded is depressing and unhealthy. It just doesn't feel good. There is a certain heaviness and resignation to people who are feeling discouraged and defeated. It ages them. Want to look and feel younger? Believe in love and in your dreams.

If something in your life didn't turn out the way you wish it had, learn everything you can from it and then move on. This is the only way that you can benefit from the experience. Being jaded does not serve you. It is merely holding on to old pain as a way of protecting yourself. This is nowhere near as awesome as moving on and having love in your life again.

Being jaded will rob you of your dreams and your joy. Own your dreams. Find a way to believe in them again. Having a guarded, cynical attitude will not get you any closer to what you want.

Everyone needs to have dreams. Pretending that you don't need love, that you don't care, that the only thing that matters is the avoidance of pain is playing small.

Even worse than not reaching for your dreams is burying them alive and pretending that they don't exist, forgetting that you ever had them because you were hurt once. Remember your dreams. Find them, get in touch with them again. They will bring love back into your heart and joy back into your life.

If you enjoyed this post and you're ready to stop leaving your love life to chance, download my free audio "Why dating tips don't work" here . Love is worth reaching for. You can have it. I can help.