Obama Presents Broom to the Wizards Tonight

After traveling down the sinuous, and often bumpy, primary road, the boy from Kansas can now return to the great wizards (superdelegates) and confidently lay the broom of his nemesis before them.

His path was not of yellow brick, and he didn't encounter any lions, tigers or bears; however, he did have to fend off sniper fire and personal attacks from Carville, Ickes and Lanny Davis. The wide eyed nave successfully wrested himself free of the vice like grip of Trinity church and their flying monkeys, Rev. Wright and Father Pfleger. He withstood the onslaught of slings and arrows aimed by the FOX news corporation, headed by their merry band of nit-wits, Sean Hannity and Bill O'reilly, he defied the prognosticators when they counted him out after numerous pastor-meltdowns, his wife's dashiki and afro speeches, and crazy demands of an opportunist Black talk show host whose view is obscured by the position of his head up Hillary Clinton's ass-pirations of an assassination attempt on the boy from Kansas.

Tonight it all comes to this. Senator Obama walks up to the flame throwing pit and reports to the great and powerful OZ, or Donna Brazille, that the two-headed rootin-tootin-six-shootin-whisky-chasin-Chappaqua-hillybillies are dead. Of course this revelation is met with disbelief and shock. When the challenge was first presented no one thought this neophyte could actually slay the ogre. What did he use? Bow and arrow, lance and rocks, gun powder and lead. "No," he replied, "Just math. The same thing I used against my first foe in Chicago. She didn't have the requisite signatures to be on the ballot this one didn't have the requisite delegates to get the nomination." So simple, the wizard thought. It's like Eliot Ness, using the IRS to take down the mob.

It's time for all the little munchkins, Clinton lackeys, and Ken Starr to celebrate. The villagers will sing and dance into the wee hours of the morn, celebrating that the Chapaqua-hillbillies will no longer roam the countryside threatening superdelegates, disparaging states and leaders who did not fall in lock step, marginalize victories of their opponent, making false claims of racism and sexism, driving wedges between the poor and disenfranchised, and casting the spell of assassination upon anyone who gets in their way. Oh what a joyous night it shall be. How we shall revel in hoping that we have seen and heard the last of their odious and repugnant surrogates, whining about how unfair and sexist the press has been, how their constituents don't have the time to go to caucuses, how senator Obama is going to eat our young and turn whites into slaves, there's still debate on the last point.

Just when I thought I could breathe a sigh of relief, there in my inbox was:

Statement from the Clinton Campaign: The AP story is incorrect. Senator Clinton will not concede the nomination this evening.

He should have used the gun powder and lead. This monster keeps popping up like that creature from the film "Trilogy of Terror." What does he have to do to finally nail that coffin shut? Perhaps Monica Lewinsky can sit on it, they definitely wont be able to get up then. I say that knowing I'm risking that crazy post-menopausal shrew, Gerri Ferraro, sicking her friends, "The Golden Girls" on me. That Bea Arthur is one tough customer.

Now it's time for reflection and unity. We must all think about the horrible things that the Clintonistas and their serpent-tongued mouthpieces have said over the past five months and uniformly agree that if Obama picks that viperous backstabbing race-baiting, sexism-card-playing homo-sapien for VP, we will vote for Bob Barr.

Sorry Nader, you're older and crazier than McInsane.

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