THE BLOG

Diamonds in Your Bathtub

06/18/2010 09:50 am 09:50:28 | Updated May 25, 2011

In the New York Times for June 13th, the Pentagon proclaimed that Afghanistan holds almost one trillion lira -- no, sorry, that's one trillion dollars -- in hitherto-unknown mineral wealth.

Allow me to offer these revelations:

(1) Paris Hilton actually is Albert Einstein, with a wig. Think about it -- you've never seen them together, have you?

(2) The Moon is made of green cheese. Specifically, a lovely Camembert, slightly fruity, that goes very well with cabernet.

(3) While you were at work today, someone broke into your house, stole everything, and replaced it with an exact duplicate (apologies to Steven Wright).

$1 trillion dollars in mineral wealth in Afghanistan. What a lame excuse for a lame excuse.

But the interesting thing is that the Pentagon felt it necessary to serve up this fevered imagining. Why? Because they say that they need another $33 billion for the war by July 4th, or, or, or, I don't know -- they just say that they need it. And for once, Congress isn't falling all over itself to give the generals whatever they want. So get ready to hear about lithium in Afghanistan, oil in Iraq, and diamonds in your bathtub.

With 14 million Americans out of work, support for endless war is crumbling. People want an America that is number one in health, number one in education, number one in quality of life, not number one in number of foreign countries occupied.

Hope. Change. How about some peace, for a change?