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Rev. Adam J. Copeland

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Reaching Out to Young Adults Will Screw Up Your Church

Posted: 05/30/2012 11:20 am

I have a theory about young adults and the church. Here it goes.

While many mainline churches say "we want young people," they don't really. If young adults actually showed up and joined their church for good, the change they'd naturally bring with them would be stark, even off-putting. In fact, making a congregation welcoming for young adults necessarily means it will get less comfortable for the current members.

It's just a theory, but here's why I'm suggesting it. A few stories...

First story: the ministry I lead hosts a book group that meets in a back room at a local coffee shop. We read books related to religion in a very open-minded atmosphere. Few of our book group members attend church. Some don't believe in God. Most are highly suspicious of organized religion. Well, at a book group discussion recently conversation turned to why people don't go to church and one of the members exclaimed, "Wait a second ...this, this book group -- it's sort of like church! I mean, I'd never go to church, but this community reminds me a lot of one. Wow." He was floored.

As many have noted about young adults today, we tend to seek belonging first; believing comes later. To welcome young adults churches need to make places where we can belong and then believe. Belonging takes time and often happens best outside the church's walls. For churches to do this means, for many of them, major change in where, how, and for whom they organize programs.

Second story (or stories, really). Several of my young adult pastor friends tell about a time when one of them is hanging out around town, meeting new people, just being his cool/nerdy self when someone finds out he's a pastor. And this person thinks the pastor is pretty hip so she asks, "Hey, can I come to your church." The pastor sighs and says, "Yes, but you've got to know: I'm really different at church."

These pastor friends, to survive in their parishes, have taken the edge off their preaching, their politics, their big ideas, even their theology. Though the pastors know young adults are drawn to their edgy honest selves, they also know that their more established members -- with the power and the checkbooks -- have other ideas. A lot would need to change for the pastor to be able to respond to his friend saying, "Yes! Please, come to my church. You'd love it!" And, if that gal at the bar would truly love it, what would the church's choir members think?

Third story. I was once at a church-related event where young adults were going around the table introducing themselves to the group. One person shared his name and then said, "And, I want to be upfront: I'm an atheist." For a second, I held my breath to see what would happen next. Quickly, someone said, "Great!" And another smiled and said, "So glad you're here." There were smiles all the way around the table.

I can't help but wonder how many congregations would welcome that young atheist with a genuine smile rather than a leeriness that he might infect the confirmation class with dastardly atheism-laced questions. Welcoming young adults that fit the perfect church visitor mold is easy. You know the type many church members long for: some magical newcomer who was raised in a perfect household, is married (not divorced), has a few kids, enjoys his well-paying job, and, of course, has orthodox unquestioning beliefs. Fewer and fewer young adults fit this image (if anyone ever did). To welcome young adults these days churches need to welcome the atheist, the single mom, the tattooed, the unemployed, and yes (of course!) even the same-sex couple.

Those are my stories. And that's my theory: for most congregations to truly become welcoming for young adults they will necessarily need to unsettle many current members. Discuss.

Cross-posted from my primary blog.

 

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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Neal Washburn
Social justice with a side of humor
11:27 AM on 06/19/2012
Maybe this is why I never quite fit in right... :-/
10:39 AM on 06/03/2012
Part of the problem as I see it, is that many go to church on Sunday because that is just what you do on Sunday. They go for the fellowship, to be with friends. They have a little understanding of the bible - a general idea of what they think it says. And they are happy with just scratching the surface. When young people (like the atheist) come into the group, they ask many questions and look for proof beyond the simple faith of "it just is." This challenge to what the regular members believe leaves the regular members feeling upset. They don't want to have to think about it, they just wanted to come to church, have a good time and leave. It is more about maintaining the status quo than growing and learning in their faith.
08:04 AM on 06/01/2012
My own experience with a group of teens in a church affirms some of the author's observatons, challenges some others. I came to a church that had a teen attendance of about 30%. I know that's high but a very evangelical member had nearly dragged a few of them off the streets and they, from fractured familes, having the love/hate relationship with authority common to people raised in families without a male presence, found an outpost of accepting serenity at the church. Their sensitive psyches found a balm on Sundays. It was a nurturing club for the socially inept, where they could revel in the companionship of other likeminded peers, and rail at and make fun of those who didn't accept them. All are gone now. Most are both academically gifted and accomplished. A couple didn't and wouldn't try, but that congregation of conservative Baptists loved them and cared for them, and supported them in every way they could find. Youth Sunday's were a trip. Problem: They were so accepting that they didn't know they had baptized a couple of youth who didn't even know that Jesus was God, and those youth were quite upset to find he is. Churches can bend a lot in accepting youth into the family but they have to interact enough to properly teach them.
TomMartin
Freedom and equality.
07:29 AM on 06/01/2012
I would have thought mainline churches have fewer young people than fundamentalist ones, with their high birth rate and Christian schools, and creationist indoctrination.
05:20 PM on 06/05/2012
that is interesting considering the majority of students are indoctrinated into the Evolution Theory with no other assertions of how to think and how to rationalize what is being taught to them... evolution is hung around the necks of this youth and will burden them with tunnel vision as Creationism cannot be proven. but evolution has no empirical data to back up its claim to historical events. narrow view indeed.
TomMartin
Freedom and equality.
07:21 PM on 06/05/2012
There is actually a lot of empirical data proving evolution, for example fossils etc. And critical thinking is taught in schools too. And if you want to learn creationism you can go to a fundamentalist church or mosque or an Orthodox synagogue. So no problem.
09:32 PM on 05/31/2012
You went there...and I have witnessed it. The more "young ones" that come in...you see the "older ones" either want to run EVERYTHING or they RUN OUT.
09:11 AM on 05/31/2012
What a gross generalization based on a ridiculously limited experiential data set. You premise assumes that all young people are anathema to a religious ideology. You neglect to consider that young people understand the way religion has changed in the past 2-3000 years, and can parse those things they agree with and those they don't and will pay little attention to them.

Religious music is HUGE right now, My son, who is not overtly religious does like it's message. I have taught him that religion will be a personal decision for him and he should be open minded. I am uncertain what echo-chamber the author is trying to feed, but anyone walking into any church will have doubts and have to resolve them. That is part of the idea of faith, and part of a reasoning society that hopefully we all live in.

All religions are willing to accept people with open minds, the situation you describe is truly overstated and quite dubious.
10:19 AM on 06/03/2012
"All religions are willing to accept people with open minds"

I really have to disagree with that statement. A better one would be, "all religions are willing to accept those whose minds will conform to their teaching and not ask too challenging questions."
04:47 PM on 06/30/2012
It depends on the church, the religion, and each person's mind-set, in my opinion.
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trekie70
Lifelong bibliophile and political junkie
08:46 AM on 05/31/2012
This article is dead on target. I'm a former Methodist, most recently from a large UMC in Northwest Arkansas and this church definitely has no use for single young adults. I actually tried to start a young adult group and was blocked at every turn. At one point several friends and I were expelled from our SS class because of our umarried status via an email-the minister did not even have the courage to do it face-to-face. That for me was the final straw.
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sinbad usn
retired, sort of
11:47 PM on 05/30/2012
Rev Copeland's blog was quite interesting. I liked it. It is evident young people are searching, looking for that indefinable something they need but can't quite put into words.It is a grand and wonderful thing to see when they do join a congregation. I know that in my own church, that problem is fortunately not a major one, and the youth bring in vitality, spirituality and service-- They lead sunday school classes, take priesthood quorum leadership positions, as well as the young women taking leadership positions, all with such aplomb, grace and positiveness, its easy to forget they're "kids."(to me, anyone under 70 is a kid...). It is a good feeling accepting non-believers into your midst as the good people thay are, and have them feel at home with you.
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Bones Rhodes
10:56 PM on 05/30/2012
"And, if that gal at the bar would truly love it, what would the church's choir members think?"

They'd think that when she recognized them and said something, they would be in deep doo-doo.
10:27 PM on 05/30/2012
From what I can see, I think the author might be shooting toward the wrong goal. From what I have put together, people should go to church to learn the Word of God so they are built up and strengthened and edified. After the people are ready, then they are to go out into the world and tell others of salvation through Jesus Christ.

What I fear when large numbers of unbelievers come to church is the pastor is tempted to feed the "goats". 'Sheep 'and 'goats' don't eat the same thing. Sheep need a rich diet of the Bible. 'Goats' are more interested in entertainment.
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libwingoflibwing
Leftist, Christian, Non-Violent Revolutionary
10:16 PM on 05/30/2012
I'm preaching at my church in July when my pastor is away on study leave. I looked ahead at the lectionary reading and found out the epistle was from Ephesians 1:3-14 and decided I'd preach on the text: "With all wisdom and insight God has made known to us the mystery of God’s will, according to God’s good pleasure that God set forth in Christ, as a plan for the fullness of time, to gather up all things in Christ, things in heaven and things on earth."

I am going to focus on God's desire if for ALL THINGS to be together and that's also God's plan.

Just the next night I was watching James Franco in "Howl," all about Ginsburg's great poem. I was really touched at the end by Franco's recitation of "Footnote to Howl." (If you don't know it you can read it at http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/240700 ) I thought it really captures how all things are precious to God. I really wanted to end my sermon with it. But I know it wouldn't work in a church with mainly older people. It's just too bold, too gay friendly, too explicit, too real. Oh well.
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Rev. Adam J. Copeland
11:29 PM on 05/30/2012
Thanks for the story. I do wonder how many others are out there. Re the poem and it being "too bold," it reminds of someone who once told folks to be "bold as serpents, innocent as doves." :) That balance, though, is tricky to find.
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John Camp
Husband/Pastor/Scholar
09:55 PM on 05/30/2012
For a pastor to tell someone that they are different at church than they are the rest of the week is just an ego sensitive way of saying "hey I'm a hypocrite." A pastor should be the exact same guy on the basketball court, at the coffee house, out with his wife, correcting his children and in the pulpit. Churches that are focused on the Gospel, on the atoning sacrifice of Christ, are amazingly tolerant of demographic differences and preference disagreement. The most ethnically and age diverse churches I have seen are theologically conservative, gospel focused, Bible teaching churches. Voddie Bauchum, Kevin DeYoung (both in their 30's) and R.C. Sproul and John MacArthur (both in their 70's) are very different in style and on the fine points of their theology. What they have in common is that they focus on the Gospel, actually teach the bible, and preside over large ethnically, economically and age diverse congregations. The kind that are utterly absent from the mainline denominations
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libwingoflibwing
Leftist, Christian, Non-Violent Revolutionary
10:29 PM on 05/30/2012
I don't agree with you on what a good congregation is like. However, I must tell you that the kind of congregations that you describe, which I don't like as far as being theologically conservative, but do like as far as being diverse in the ways you describe, do exist in mainline denominations. Evangelicals like you are in all the mainline denominations.

Also there are diverse congregations that also are theologically liberal, those are the kind I like, like Riverside Church in NYC or All Saints in Pasadena, CA or the Cathedral of Hope in Dallas.
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TheApostate
blasphemy for a half century
09:29 PM on 05/30/2012
Because of the advances in science, young people are less likely to accept the fairy tales that they are required to adhere to with religion or in a church setting.
Your not going to make an impression on them by telling them that the earth is 6000 years old and was created in 6 days, or that the human race was started by two fully formed naked teenagers in a garden.
They know that the bible is not a science book,or that it's true ,complete and accurate.
They know that humans can't come back to life after truly being dead for three days.
They know what fossils are and they weren't hidden in some rocks just to befuddle us and pi** us off>
No, I don't think you can depend on the youngsters to reconstitute the church.
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methodman
06:49 PM on 05/30/2012
The truth pastor is that you folks think young people who study don't learn. And to some extent that works out for the 7 to 10 year olds who really are your audience. Education teaches you how to iconize a conversation so that lines of conversation are created. I for example for many years asked What god meant when he saw the world was good. I never got an answer and was considered to be sacrilegious for bothering to ask questions and told to leave. I understood good as discussions that come out of comparisons that weave into policy in various formats. Again spirit is I share what the head pastor thinks. Any attempt to lean on my own understanding for inspiration is frowned upon. So in short as a convert please don't bother to read any non-fiction books especially those text books. Good to me now means When God wrote light he invented the indent system as an aid for effective organization. It works for me as inspiration. An I will use it everyday instead of attention deficit disorder talk to god like a two year old prayer and everything takes care of itself.
08:16 AM on 06/01/2012
Very sorry for your experience in a church. It shouldn't happen, and doesn't happen in at at least some. You might try again and ask up front, "Since I have some very serious questions about Christianity as it's practiced in most churches, how am I going to be treated here when I raise them?" I don't think there's any way to answer that without either being a total liar or revealing the true answer. If you can do that in a tone that isn't insulting, It might find you a place where you can both learn and be taught.
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06:33 PM on 05/30/2012
Your title may be a little strong--to say that young people will screw up the church, I think, deviates from your main point. Really, I think that the older folks just don't know what they're looking for/getting into with the young. You're absolutely right that there's this white-washed ideal of the "Young Christian" that so many see and hope will join and stay for life, but sitting here in my early twenties, I'll say that a decently sizable percentage of the Christians I know in my age range (plus or minus five years), are just as you describe: single parents, tattooed and pierced, and yes, even gay people.

I will also say that in my personal experience, consider the event with your atheist peer a blessing. I'll answer your wonderings right here, not many congregations are open or willing enough to accept an open atheist like that. I'd venture to say there were probably even some silent judges in your story who simply thought it rude to speak up.

Wonderful article.