Mother Teresa's Doubts

At a recent dinner with friends, someone at the table recalled a conversation she had with an Episcopal priest who told her that he didn't really believe in God -- and that, in fact, few priests he knows do. My devout dinner companions all solemnly shook their heads, but I was unfazed. In fact, someone once accused me of not believing in God, and, given what I knew of that person's conception of God, I didn't argue.

I suspect that what that priest meant was that he no longer believed in an idea of God that many of his parishioners, likely just for lack of interest or time to think about these matters, still seem to hold. Along these lines, seminarians typically experience a very difficult second year (of three) as they find out they no longer believe in the idea of God they had when they came in -- something I underwent, right on cue. Then, once we become priests, we think so much about God (not to mention attempt to reconcile our notion of God with all the pain we're exposed to in our parishioners' lives) that we find ourselves developing still a different idea of God than the one we left seminary with.

All of which came to mind when I heard about Mother Teresa's doubts. My initial response to the news was to wonder what God she thought she ought to believe in. I remembered that I thought for a time that I didn't believe in God and, in addition to beating myself up over it, wondered how I could keep on in this profession. But thankfully some friends and colleagues taught me that my move away from the more "classical" and so-called "orthodox" conception of God didn't mean a move away from God.

While I have no idea what God Mother Teresa thought she should believe in, and while I hate to sound vaguely like Christopher Hitchens, I wonder whether she questioned her belief in God partly because her church demanded she cling to an idea of God that she eventually found senseless. God knows (or not) I probably wouldn't pass a heresy test with the Roman Catholic Church -- but I'm quite sure I still believe in God.

Comments

[Dap]

Dear Rev. Storm,

Thanks for sharing your personal story with us and creating a thread with some interesting discourse. Agape.

[jwielhouwer]

now THIS is something worthy of discussion. note:not allbelieving people are idiots or r.r wingers.

[brooklyn1944]

Er, just a thought...in order to be considered for sainthood, a case has to be made for the struggle the supposed beatified went through on the road to her canonization.
It seems to me that someone as well connected as M.T. was smart enough to keep a diary (like Augustine) that shows such a struggle.
I, for one, think that a woman who would rather usher the poor and hopeless of Calcutta into a "heaven" rather than tackling the humongous burden of overpopulation is hardly saintly,

[Dap]

Belief in God does not make an egalitarian state/State, history has shown.

Prophets have always gone up the mountain with an idea in the back of their minds, that they should come down the mountain, with that Revelation is of no surprise.

Thus it is with believers, God is whatever they see in their minds eye, God will always reflex, like a mirror, back into the believers minds eye the reflection of themselves and their thought processes.

God is anything you wish it to be, God is a blank slate. Our creation of the self.

[larstein]

Material reality itself is divine. The way we think about it changes our ability to see it. The more we accept what we're taught by conceptualists, (philosophers and theologins) the more distorted the gap between what is and what words say. Or else, as lesser minds, we buy some guru or saint's whole package, and become a disciple.

Mother Teresa was a great example of endurance in the face of depression. She made the work of her hands - kindness, tolerance, nurturance - her actual religion. She transcended theology, and became a truly spiritual person. Empty of faith, empty of belief, spiritually alone. Cosmic irony like this is what eventuates in great culture.

[wm1066]

Jesue said that the kingdom of God is with in us, we can access God by going within. The church turned that idea on its head when it said that only through Jesus can we be with God. Thanks to whoever wrote John for that idea. Funny...the first commandment says you shall have no other gods before me. And the church placed Jesus before God! Did I miss Moses saying you shall have no gods before me 'until the messiah comes?' The term messiah was never meant to mean a god. So the church puts God outside us and only accessable through Jesus. And Jesus said God was within each of us. No wonder we are confused

[Dap]

Excellent essay/post and thread.

[mockingbird1]

what a heavenly name--Astrid Storm. I would join her church.

[nebulus]

And her middle name is Joy--no kidding!

[curiousasheck]

Those that know don't say.

[Defyant]

There is one fundamental truth which all belief systems must respect and acknowledge, "all will be revealed upon death."

Judging by human behavior throughout history, humans really worship death, they just won't admit it.

[scoopdjour]

God?
Ah yes, something over there, out there, something not here, something to blame, something to plead with, something not me, to be responsible.
the universe is huge and amazing and contains so much. why put on blinders called 'god'?
why kill in the name of god? why judge in the name of god?
be compassionate, be loving, be humble, be open to the grand suprise that is life. then you have no need for this external Big Daddy to blame and cajole!

[JScott]

hey I believe there is a Supreme Infinite Sovereign Entity of the known universe and that what we do as humans in this existence does make a difference in the next as for all the other clutter that human being attribute as religion, that's what is is clutter.
And I notice most every commenter on here had to put in their 'sales pitch' for their religion essentially saying 'my religion is the best so I will go to heaven, ya gotta believe like me or you won't go to heaven' frankly I don't buy it and I've moved beyond that, as per the 20% of the humans on the planet that profess no specific belief or affiliation.

[jcorrington]

Working with what she saw everyday, she had to be depressed.

[kellygrrrl]

Thank you so very much for this article.
When I try to explain what I mean to family members why I and my husband do not believe in God, they just don't get it. I feel that I am more educated in theology than most people I know. And I make a great effort to understand everything I can about all religions. I don't have a problem with religion, I tell my mother, I have a problem with extremism.
Faith is Blind
Knowledge is Power
You are not exempt from spirituality if you do not believe in a fairy tale God

[GreedyOldPsychopaths]

"We must not confound truth with dogma. Truth is the divine substance, doctrine or dogma is the human apprehension and statement of it; truth is a living and life-giving power, dogma a formula; truth is infinite, unchanging, and eternal; dogma is finite, changeable, and perfectible."

Philip Schaff in "History of the Christian Church"(1819-1893))

[cyboman]

All humans intuitively know what truth is. Statements like "Truth is the divine substance" is dogma wrapped in poetry. 2+2=4 is not "divine substance". If it were math classes would be quite different.

[GreedyOldPsychopaths]

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."

Albert Einstein