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Rev. Barbara Kaufmann

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Bullying: Not Just for Playgrounds Anymore

Posted: 01/11/11 11:56 AM ET

Bullying is not just for playgrounds anymore. An alarm has been ringing across the cultures of an entire globe catching the attention of leaders and educators who desperately search for its cure in programs that teach sensitivity and empathy to youth. All of the educational materials define bullying and tell how to recognize its many forms -- verbal taunting, physical harm, racial and sexual prejudice, cyberbullying and more. Bullying is defined as "persistent unwelcome behavior." How do we know when a behavior is unwelcome? We feel it; it deeply rattles our sensibilities -- sometimes to the bone, or in a new discovery -- to the bones of an icon.

Bullying can intrude anywhere -- at home, at work, online, on the highway, on the playground... and now it appears to reach even into the afterlife. Bullying almost rose to new heights to take an even more sinister turn recently when Discovery Channel announced its plans to air Michael Jackson's Autopsy: What really killed Michael Jackson? There was such a backlash of outrage by the family, Jackson's estate, fans and the general public, that Discovery was forced to "postpone indefinitely" the crossing of that line. So for now, that human indignity was avoided and humanity is safe; or is it?

Is something really important being missed in the campaign against bullying? Is the subject of bullying being viewed through a lens that is too narrow? We might need to back up a bit, widen the focus and adjust the scope to a broader fisheye view. Has bullying permeated an entire ecosystem? A worldwide ecosystem?

What makes bullying possible is a culture that blurs the lines of humanity and human dignity. Bullying survives when an ecosystem supports it. When that ecosystem accepts the dehumanization and inhumane treatment of its constituents, an "anything goes" climate renders its' narrative as empty of humanity. People are irreversibly harmed in such a climate.

Parents, educators and clergy are wringing their hands in shock and outrage at the behavior of youth asking: "Where do they get these ideas?" and "Where does this kind of aggression and indifference in our youth come from?" They seem genuinely perplexed. They only need look to the culture. What kind of culture would consider, even momentarily, that an invasion into one's mortuary is entertaining? Or acceptable? Discovery's program was advertised as presenting a graphic synthetic cadaver with a real and currently practicing physician conducting the autopsy with voiceover commentary by one of Jackson's many personal physicians.

What kind of ecosystem made Discovery think that an international audience would have an appetite for viewing the re-enactment of an actual autopsy -- of the most well known icon of the twentieth century? Of someone who is still a beloved figure to millions around the world? What made physicians sign on to such a violation of the sanctity of human remains, virtual or otherwise? More celebrity medicine? All cultures have recognized the sanctity of burial and respect for the mourning of those who were loved, those who loved them -- and who love them still. Discovery's cynical promotional photo for the program featured a shrouded body on a gurney with Jackson's signature sequined glove protruding from under the sheet. Does this represent the standards of humanity that we want to continue into this new millennium?

In the wake of Discovery Channel's major faux pas, some hard and uncomfortable questions have been thrown up about the culture and its ecosystem. The very same culture that can't seem to get its youth to behave civilly toward one another -- in institutions built to nurture and grow young minds. Discovery and its board of directors are to be congratulated for their change of heart and eventual good sense in pulling the program but one wonders what would make them, or anyone else for that matter, think that a mock autopsy of Michael Jackson for our viewing pleasure, would be acceptable? Is it because Jackson was bullied most of his life and apparently some at Discovery thought it acceptable to take that agenda beyond his grave? Does the Discovery debacle mark yet another seminal moment in our culture?

A culture where sadistic behavior toward others is epidemic, a deeper look finds a whole system trending toward cynicism, human indifference and lack of empathy for others. Why are the fundamental principles of tolerance, compassion and human dignity missing? Why are special programs necessary for children to make human and humane connections? Why isn't compassion and empathy already hard wired into human consciousness? And as we evolve into the twenty first century shall we leave our humanity behind?

How does this humane disconnect become possible? When the natural world is ignored or avoided, children never interact with the place where life's beginnings take form and the value of life and alive and breathing sentient beings is learned. Our connections with nature and animals are what help us to develop heart and compassion for all beings. Statistics about animal cruelty and torture punctuate this alienation from the sanctity of life. Where is it being taught that life is precious and valuable and who is responsible for teaching it? Where do kids get the idea that bullying is permissible and that callously exposing someone's private life, secret struggles and woundedness publicly is somehow acceptable? Where indeed?

It is hardwired into our culture and it begins with words and images. They are the symbols and language that form a culture's narrative. They illuminate the culture's dominant pastimes and preoccupations. It is how those words and images are used -- their nuances, meanings, semantics, semiotics, linguistics and sometimes their archetypal and evocative nature -- that forms and informs -- the foundation of the cultural ecosystem. What is culturally acceptable in communication and behavior among and between humans is determined by its architecture and memes -- a kind of cultural lexiconography arises.

Images and words have punch. They comfort, evoke, challenge, inform, expel, motivate, embrace, alienate, destroy, uplift and so on. They can objectify or humanize. When people are dehumanized with images and words, all sentient beings inhabiting that ecosystem are affected. Words and images harm; and they can heal.

The Journals of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, of Family Psychology, and the British Journal of Developmental Psychology, tell us that bullying creates children who suffer from anxiety, depression, loneliness, and PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and are at risk for suicide, peer rejection, conduct problems, anxiety, behavioral difficulties, hyperactivity, academic difficulties, rule-breaking behavior, reactive aggression and are also at risk for problems in young adulthood -- psychiatric disorders and criminal offenses. The question then becomes, what kinds of adults does this produce?

Those same experts say that sibling aggression when not mitigated and aggression at home, can migrate to schools. Most homes, of course, don't feature violence as the dominant means of navigating life as an acceptable cultural norm -- or do they? The experts also say that the average 4 to 6 hours of television per day that children and teens watch, serves up 4 ½ violent incidents per hour. In the last 7 years, TV violence has increased by 75% with a 45% of that increase during the 8 P.M. "family hour" and a 92% increase an hour later. The Pew Research Center says 75% of respondents to their survey would like to see tighter enforcement of government rules on broadcast content with 69% of those in favor of higher fines for media companies who violate code. Journalistic codes abound but are rarely followed or enforced. There are no real consequences for code violations with media often citing the first amendment as the reason.

How is it that the cultural ecosystem on the one hand intervenes in child-on-child violence with campaigns like 'It Gets Better' while supporting a cultural ecosystem of inhumane treatment of people and violence as a means of conciliation and problem solving? Given the current cultural undertones we might ask: does it really get better? Does that premise work? And do our children believe it?

Remember Columbine? Columbine crossed a cultural line. With the causal theories swirling around that painful event in the collective psyche -- the guns, violence, video games, medications, "Gothic culture," or psychological pathology, experts have speculated about the whys. Harris and Klebold told us why in their words via journals left behind, that tell how they lived in a culture of exclusion, superiority, homophobia and ridicule by the jocks. And they also told us they could find nothing redeeming about society in general. While that is no excuse for their violence, it was their reason. They cited feeling disenfranchised, bullied, disillusioned and powerless. Columbine was retaliation against an ecosystem that they felt didn't support them and tolerated a climate of dehumanization, violence, tribalism and exclusion.

The recent teen suicides crossed a line of acceptability and jarred adults to awareness. In examining teen bullying, we learned of suicides by adolescents whose budding hormones and sexuality found their affections involuntarily extending toward the same gender. Confused and conflicted kids were bullied, called "fag" and other sexual epithets and sadistically "outed" on the internet by sneering peers. While their death certificates read "suicide," the real cause of death is homophobia -- and an intolerant ecosystem that dehumanizes them as people. Young and tender human beings barely out of childhood -- a captive audience required to daily visit an ecosystem that torments them -- are ostracized and terrorized simply for being different -- whether in style, interests, affections, habits, economics, race, intellectual capacity, beliefs, or that all important superficial attribute -- appearance.


 
 
 
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03:42 AM on 01/28/2011
This is an excellent article. It needed to be said. Thank you for your insight. I feel that free speech has become a vehicle for bad manners, dangerous behavior, outright lies and reflects a problem with our humanity. If it's not sensational, the press will quickly spin it that way. Throw in a little sex and violence and you've got a hit on youtube or a reality show. We reward bad behavior and ignore good behavior. Our youth (the hope for the future) have been desentized to the point where suicide is not only acceptable it is a viable choice for them. Bullying seem to be the norm and not the exception. I have no idea how our society got here but we all need to take a good look at and change these behaviors not only in ourselves but in our communties and the media we select to view.
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Gavin Saunders
we only have each other
05:23 PM on 02/03/2011
It may be that our culture of "brutalizing" our young has not come about by accident. A public desensitized to aggression is one who will more likely be willing to go to war and there is always much money to be made from killing others and taking their property.
01:22 PM on 01/27/2011
I agree with Rev.Barbara Kaufmann. At first, I want to thank her for taking media to awareness a little.
Every human has him/her very personal life, we have our own thoughts, feelings. But there is one point; we live on the same planet, we are all equal by law and by what God give us. And there are some international feelings which come from different cultures.
There are many crimes happening in twenty first century. There are many injustice and many cases with no result. There are so many criminals keep living aroud the world. Media and public should take some precedences instead of accusing and making dirt on an innocent man.
01:22 PM on 01/27/2011
There are many crimes happening in twenty first century. There are many injustice and many cases with no result. There are so many criminals keep living aroud the world. Media and public should take some precedences instead of accusing and making dirt on an innocent man.
Making lies about a person who has fame is not business of media. What for media is working? Is that enough for indicating real problems of our world like global warming,slaughters and death in many countries, deseases?... If it was, today there would be a movement,an actionagainst all those problems, there would be an aim to get peace and love over the world. We are all the same kind, we are all human. In the world which people kill each other,their own kind, even their own blood for money, which people sell their own bodies for money, which people spy, die, kill, lie, betray, stab their brothers and sisters on the back for money; which people have become slaves of money, how can we wait from the people,together, gain the peace? In the world, which the money is the “god†for many people, how can we wait from the tabloids to say every word truely, without any other targets, without lie? Those people are working for money, as everyone does. They do not care about it is true or not. If it is scandal, it means it will come into money. And this is important.
01:20 PM on 01/27/2011
Any person deserves respect for what he/she has done for the world, any person deserves respect for being a human. In our world which many criminals walk in our streets, many people does not have their own privacy.
And the balance is broken.
Now,though people create a reflection of Michael Jackson for themselves and believe in what they create; though it is very heart-breaking and very hurting when it is thought. Michael Jackson deserves respect for being a human,a true example for children and anyone. Morever he deserves that respect of a passed away man.
But even in afterlife, the public and the media do not have that respect, which is very sad. And airing a program of re-enacment of Michael Jackson’s autopsy on a real cadaver,which-even-may resemble Michael Jackson, by one of his personal physicians shows this quite clearly.
When there is no way to change people but to change world which is possible with children, when people try to make a dirt on a person who is a true image of love by a television program in front of many eyes include young ones, we are destroying the pleasure and all sort of good feelings in the children.
01:17 PM on 01/27/2011
Disney Channel’s program and it’s photograph showing the context of it was a real unrespectful step and it was leaving a real bad taste. And that planned program would upset many people include at the very top Jackson’s family, his fans and all the children around the world who love him. But fortunately with one voice,aim and force of hope and love,it is cancelled which is a very mature and wise desicion of Discovery Channel. That is what should have been very long ago.

“Children show me in their playful smiles the divine in everyone. These chilren are reminder of the preciousness of all life, especially young lifes untouched by hatred, prejudice and greed. Now when the world is so confused and its problem’s so complicated,we need our children more than ever. The mission of “Heal The Worldâ€- my mission- is healing; pure and simple. To heal the world, we must start by healing our children. Being with them connects to the deep wisdom of life. This simple goodness shines straight from their hearts. We have to heal our wounded planet. I wrote this song ( Heal The World) for everyone in our world,in an effort to help bring global harmony.â€
Michael JACKSON

Asena Melisa Sarıcı
08:14 PM on 01/19/2011
Thanks to Rev. Barbara Kaufmann for her insightful blog on bullying. Bullying is reaching epidemic proportions in our society today. It is up to everyone-parents, teachers, older siblings, public figures- to set a good example for young people so that we can overcome. The Media should not be exempted from this responsibility. If lack of civility and respect has become the norm, the media and entertainment industries should bear their part of the blame.

The Discovery Channel was almost the perpetrator of a vile crime against humanity when it set out to air a program recreating the autopsy of the late great entertainer and humanitarian, Michael Jackson. I have never before witnessed such a callous disregard for a deseased individual or his family. Thanks to the Estate of Michael Jackson, his family, friends, and fans, the Discovery Channel was made to reconsider and eventually do the right thing by not airing the program. Not only did creating this show a lack of respect for Mr. Jackson and his family, it showed a lack of respect for viewers, showing that Discovery thinks us such low-minded and wrong-thinking people that we would enjoy watching such a travesty!

Bullying is encouraged when our children perceive that disrespect for each other, lack of compassion, and demeaning others to make ourselves feel superior is the norm. The Media must stop insulting, using, and mocking lives, and then covering more tragic bullying deaths without seeing their role in the coursening of our culture.
09:27 AM on 01/18/2011
These are the kind of articles that should be read all over the world. We will never know what the world has lost because of the bullying and taking down of Michael Jackson.Think about all the music, movies and more ....that we still had to expect, and especially, about all the work and projects that we were deprived of because Mr. Jackson was always stopped by false allegations or related incidents : the Neverland search, the strip search, the trial, the Bashir story... all these events caused so much trouble for Michael that eventually he could not do what he did before : help and take care of thousands of children who could visit Neverland for a wonderful day, nor was he able to visit hospitals and schools, orphanages.... ever again. I very well remember the story of Dr. Patrick Treacy to that regard. It is a shame that the media and those who are behind the media have done that Michael and to the children of the world and to all of us. Not only a shame, but a cathastrophe. Everybody should be aware of that. Thank you Rev. Kaufmann for your efforts to open the eyes of the blind....
11:23 PM on 01/17/2011
Thank you, Rev Kaufmann, for your insightful thoughts. As a former teacher of gifted youth, the aggression shown by our young people, media and society at large is increasingly alarming. The testosterone levels in our culture are growing exponentially and it's having frightening repercussions. We taunt, we criticize, we maliciously attack and isolate those who are different from us. Isolation/ostracism is one of the cruelest forms of bullying and can cause untold damage. Infants who aren't held and touched in the first year of life can be severely emotionally damaged. Lonely teens turn to dangerous gangs to "belong". Disaffected adults go on murderous rampages like we just saw in Tucson, AZ. We are social creatures. We need to feel loved, acknowledged and that we belong. Michael Jackson needed that probably more than most of us "normals" He was brilliantly gifted beyond what most of us can even begin to imagine. He often talked about how hard it was for him to fit in, how lonely and sad he was and yet he never stopped creating, he never stopped giving. Was he different? Yes. Genius makes one different from ordinary. To have to deal with his own sense of isolation and then have to endure the cruelty and ridicule of a souless, mercenary media is a sad commentary on what we as a culture have devolved to. I watched This Is It again today and wept. I'm sorry, Michael, for what was done to you. I am so sorry...
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Linda Fisher Thornton
LeadinginContext.com @LeadinginContxt
05:26 PM on 01/17/2011
A wonderful article that needed to be written. Thank you. I am heartened by the recent "Random Acts of Kindness" movement and the efforts of a growing number of states to make workplace bullying punishable by law instead of something that workers just have to suffer through.
10:08 AM on 01/17/2011
I want to express gratitude to Huffington Post and Rev. Barbara Kaufmann for this excellent article. As a child and adolescent psychiatrist, I see almost daily the devastating results of bullying in my patients, and I wonder: What kind of families do these abusers grow up in? Why are there never any adults around who will intervene? Why don't the other children befriend the victim? (In grade school, witnessing bullying always made me feel bad inside. Not being good either at fist-fighting or arguing, I would ignore the bully and try to be kind to my unfortunate peers). But my biggest question is, why has this only gotten worse instead of better over time? Back then I thought we would have figured out solutions to some of these injustices; now I realize this behavior is the worst of human nature, though I still believe in our ability to change. Rev. Kaufmann answers my last question for me, using Michael Jackson's brilliant life and the media's excoriation of him as example. Our society has given it's tacit approval of such behavior, worsening to epidemic levels, and our children are keen students, are they not? Things look grim for the human race, until we stop believing in the false disconnection between ourselves and others, and teach our children the truth that so many of our wisest sages can't seem to get through to enough of us: We are eternally bound together by what some call Unity, or Love.
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Andrew Wojtkowski
Physengrammer (Physicist/Engineer/Programmer)
03:29 PM on 01/18/2011
Martha. Please don't stop there. I don't believe this is the final answer. It can be taken to another step. "Why" can be asked again.

Why is our society eliciting and accepting such behavior?

Could it be related to the growing epidemic of "Live to Work" mentality of adults?

Expectations have grown. No longer is a GED acceptable. Nothing short of a bachelor's is acceptable. Elementary school is to prepare for Middle School. Middle School is to prepare for High School. High School is to prepare for College.

Metaphorically speaking, every teenager is sat down in an auditorium and told "There are 300 of you. When you graduate, 50 of you will actually fulfil your dreams, the rest of you will be losers."

You will see people fight, compete, and take out their opponents so they can be the 50 who "succeed" by ANY MEANS NECESSARY. Their parents will cheat, lie, and bring down the opponent's pillars so that their son or daughter is of those 50.



Our metrics of success ultimately are passed on to our children, and they should know that getting a GED and going to trade school to become a hairstylist is a VERY SUCCESSFUL LIFE. But every day these kids are bombarded with the contrary. When did this happen?

We need to re-evaluate what "success" is. As time rolls on, it's little more than money money money. And that's OUR job to fix that.
09:16 PM on 01/18/2011
Andrew, I totally agree with what you are saying. I am trying to point out on the missing element in people that makes them not care that kids (in my area, at least) are graduating who can't read, or that other children are treated as losers, instead of as valuable members of society who have something to contribute. I believe the missing piece is the lack of love we have for others, or maybe just loving things and money more than other human beings. In the end, we are only hurting ourselves. I include myself in this because we are all in this together.
12:21 AM on 01/17/2011
Thank you Huff post for publishing a wonderful unbiased piece of Rev. Kaufmann. Thank you Rev. Kaufman for showing the truth to the world. Though, I am thankful to whoever in Discovery channel is responsible in stopping this horrifying show, I hope they won't plan to show it in future again. World would not appreciate such an indecent show on some one who was sensitive, caring and who worked very hard through out his life time to bring positive changes to this world.

Thank you for telling the world that the root cause for the loss of Mr. Jackson is the medias continuous bullying for almost half of his life. The biased and relentless negative reporting of mainstream media—and the readers who believed their lies—killed Jackson. It is a big shame that the MEDIALOID conveniently forgets what ever damage done to Mr. Jackson by spreading lies.

It is very nice to read the facts through an article like this rather reading lies. Once again thank you for the article. Hope every one in the media especially in this country sees the truth that Mr. Jackson is one of the greatest humanitarians this world has ever produced. This country should be proud of this wonderful child and it is a big shame if they disrespect this great human.
12:04 AM on 01/17/2011
It's sad that an article about bullying should ever be written. It's probably fair to say our society has bullied for centuries but the thoughts and fears are usually hushed or covered up in some way. It's not proper to talk about the negatives in our lives or accuse another of hurting us mentally, physically, or emotionally. We don't dare air our bad laundry. Too many individuals, our world has found, have (and I regretfully say are) been bullied. But what exactly is bullying? One of the largest factors is no one seems to know, or wants to admit, what true bullying is. Is it to say "teasing" isn't bullying? Does it have to go to the extreme of one taking a life?

I agree that it starts when one is very young and defenseless. It needs to be talked about and taught to our children so they understand bullying is wrong in ANY form. By God's grace, I have written a book, due to be published this year and I am hopeful this helps, in some small way, one of the largest dilemmas in our world.
06:02 PM on 01/16/2011
Firstly I shall thank Discovery Channel for scrapping THAT programme, which, no doubt, has made a lot of people feel much happier. I often cannot understand why people resort to bullying, unless, of course, it is culturally just an inherent part of human nature and survival that has probably been around for millennia. A more popular modern concept could hopefully be that far more can be achieved by love, which is what Michael Jackson always said. I find myself thinking of violently oppressed countries like Burma, Iran, Korea, and Zimbabwe where nothing changes despite suspicious deaths after brave opposition, leaving heart breaking human misery.
I wholeheartedly agree with the mind-blowing realisation of what a growing 'hornets' nest' of global debate and reactions because of one extraordinary man, has been stirred up on such topics such as this, and media bias exhibited with the unkind comments made on a British ITV 'This Morning' programme by Kelvin MacKenzie, former editor of The Sun newspaper. Letters to ITV and their sponsor company, Beirsdorf, have not produced any apologies or apparent reactions.
No-one can ever say that Michael Jackson has not changed the world towards his dream of it being a better place, and is still doing so in death, nineteen months on, such is his power to influence us. Perhaps, slowly the wheels are beginning to turn. Time will tell.
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History Is Subjective
Democracy will always be worth the attempt.
11:01 AM on 01/16/2011
To add to the voices here, I too am pleased Huff Post recognises the value of publishing a
writer as superb as Rev Kaufmann.


Q:
Will it have an effect on the corporate big-boys running the outlets, who demonstrate
staggering indifference to the damage and anguish they cause to real people?


A:
Yes.


For whether we write, march, petition, email, tell our children, friends and neighbours,
sing, dance, boycott, or simply internally affirm our anger and desire for change by not buying,
or buying into tabloid fare -- we add to the groundswell of protest that is building in the wake
of Sherrod's mauling, Jackson's death, the horror of Columbine and the senselessness
of Arizona.


Make no mistake, Jackson has recatalysed a movement. It is the same movement that has
crept quietly along the corridors and arc of human history, and it is the same movement has
led to nearly all the truly great moments that pepper our mostly grim culture.


The next generation needs to know that what was done to Jackson, and what is still being done
in the name of commerce and Freedom of Speech is an outrage -- because if we don't, the
next time the alarm rings there'll be no-one left to hear it.


For balanced, fact-only information on a non-fan written site that explores the extent of the
the injustice extended to Michael Jackson & contributed to by lawyers, journalists, and writers
head to: www.mjmessage.com.
05:23 PM on 01/15/2011
I really feel that Governments need to take serious note of what is happening to our society, the way we dehumanise and bully our fellow man is becoming just as much a danger to the human race as any global warming issues. How will the next war start ? its just as likely to happen as a result of racist/bullying remarks made through a head set whilst playing some world wide linked computer game. Or how about the way we dehumanise Haiti and leave its people to starve whilst bankers make money out of public donations, what sort of example does this greed and inhumanity show the world ?. People have been almost inert in their acceptance of what has been happening all around us but things are changing. With the passing of Michael Jackson people began to question what had been written about him and their research revealed the injustice that had been done and the lies that were told in the press just to boost sales and increase profits. Further research also revealed the extend of Michael Jacksons global caring, he knew the value of loving and caring for children especially, it is our responsibility to lead by example. The Discovery channel listened to our concerns, The BBC have listened to concerns raised about a certain story line in a UK soap. We can make a difference if we speak up responsibly. Rev. Kaufmann your articles should be part of the national curriculum.