I love having a good conversation with someone who disagrees with me. Over the years, I've had hundreds of these types of conversations -- mostly with colleagues in the church who disagree with me about the place of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender faithful.
Though I don't know many people who share my joy in opening up a dialogue with those who they might call their "adversaries," I believe those conversations are critically important for us to have. This is especially true if we are to better understand and eventually open our neighbors' minds to the full inclusion of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in our churches.
So, with the hope that this will inspire you to pick up the phone, and invite someone you currently think of as an "adversary" to talk, I'd like to offer five tips on opening up a rewarding Christian dialogue with a person in disagreement with you.
- Approach the other person as a beloved child of God.
See Christ in the eyes of the other person. Set aside every presumption you may have about him or her except that God loves this other, just like God loves you. This is often a mystery for me that our talk with help solve.
- Trust deeply that the Holy Spirit has a word for you both.
Watch carefully for the gift God has for you in your exchange with this other. It probably will not be the same gift for both of you. It will most likely be a still, small voice so you must listen hard for it.
- Try hard to see things from the other's point of view.
Ask questions like: "This is what I hear you saying, is that correct?" or: "I want to make sure I get what you mean, is this what you said?" My own convictions have been strengthened many times by testing them against the other's heartfelt words.
- Watch for those things upon which you both agree and highlight them.
This can often lead to some struggle because being in agreement is foreign to us and we resist it. Still, it can be very healing to get up at the end of your conversation to go your different ways having acknowledged some things upon which you agree. It's also a great way to start an ongoing dialogue. Can we agree that our goal is Loving God, or Loving Neighbor? These are the seeds from which further discussion can blossom.
- The goal is to keep the conversation going.
Talking shouldn't be seen as a means to an end. Talking is a sole purpose in and of itself. For this reason, I often do not share my position with the other person (It's well known anyway). I simply take in what the other is saying and seek the best way to prompt another response from the other by sharing of my self or asking a question that has occurred to me.
There is one crucial dynamic in all of these tips required to make this work: Nothing that the other says to you is about you personally. The other person speaks only from his or her ideas and so you need not take anything that person says as true about you. I am often disappointed and challenged by what the other says but I am usually not hurt or angered by it.
I pray for that same godly protection for you as you join in a conversation that I hear God calling us all to.
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3. Try hard to see things from the other's point of view.
Uh . . . OOOOOPPPPPPSSSS. Contradiction !!
I was pretty disgusted. After it was passed , I watched the gay pride parade from our office on 5th ave and truly could not mistake that God was present in the love and joy in the crowd .
Who are we to judge?
but ultimately no one I guess.
Guess it boils down if you believe in the same religion or not that makes you an advasary of not....
I hope also that God guides us in our conversation.
Makes you wonder just who has a 'hardened heart'...
1) Don't believe what you believe is necessarily true. The Bible say only the Lamb from the tribe of Judah (Revelation 5:5) will be able open the understanding of the book, so whatever we believe isn't necessarily the truth.
2) Remember the whole conversation and take time to remember it completely so when you have free time you can observe it objectively. Quite often, in the heat of a disagreeing discussion, we are emotional concerning what we believe so we can't remember it or we miss something said which is important. Remembering the entire conversation and looking at it objectively later allows you to see things you need to change concerning your beliefs because their reasoning makes more sense.
2) The immediate observation of temporal events is the most accurate observation. Interpretation of such observations happen over time and usually influence the observations with personal bias making them far more inaccurate.
2) That is why before any man can interpret the scriptures accurate they're required to be "Born Again" with the spiritual mind not recognizing good and evil, and the other abstracts, making them without bias. The longer one has been reborn the less bias they have making their interpretation more accurate.
What does the Bible say is the physical evidence of the new born? They are wandering messengers (John 3:8) giving their message and leaving without the people knowing whence they came or went [without their asking]. Another is we are new creatures (2 Corinthians 5:17 & Galatians 6:15) and peculiar people (1 Peter 2:9) making us not appearing as the social norm. Anyone calling themselves Christians should meet those Bible established standards. It's true "because it says it is."
My dear alterego55 there is no other text that screams like that. Your trouble is not with a book of pages or scrolls your trouble is with Jesus; he is your stumbling block. google Lambert Dolphin for more reading at his website. And for heaven's sake read the book of John. You are in a struggle with who exactly is going to be god, you or the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
1. I do believe we trust that the Holy Spirit has a message, but sometimes that message requires action for change. That is the reason I have a conversation in the first place with some one. To share with them the word of God.
2. the author of said that she often would refrain from sharing her opinions in order to keep the conversation going. What is the point of having a conversation with someone if you aren't going to share with them the word of God? That should be the whole point. This goes along too much with my problem with "soft-selling" God. Either preach it or don't...but don't go half way...we know what happens to "luke-warm" people in the bible.
1. Who are the "we". All Christians of course. So, you should clarify that statement as follows:
"I do believe "all Christians" (or "we Christians") trust that the Holy Spirit has a message"
2. Excellent point. If you take an in your face approach we will all know where you're coming from and we can remove ourselves gracefully without having to make a fool of you due to your overtures. Everyone wins, you tried, we replied. You fulfilled your duty to try to spread the Christian word.
But you also have the freedom to not listen or not accept my teachings. So be it. Have a great day and go on with your life. As you said, I tried.
I try to only respond to articles that have some sort of moral or Godly reference. Things that have a mention in the Bible. There is a reason you won't see a lot of my responses toward the U.S. Budget or political policy. But abortion, marriage, sex, spirituality, all fall under my realm of interest. So I guess this is just to let you know that you will continue to see my opinion in these areas.
If this were an honest story if would say..... as the 'theoretic person referred to as Christ' since there is no evidence of this person ever existing in any legitimate history.
Many stories of people in fiction are based on real people.... My objection is that most people think this person was real.... and therefore do many negative things against anyone not believing it.... and I won't even try to count the millions that died in wars over this belief.
ideas put forth by the Biblical character "Jesus" (a common name of the time) were so
powerful that it started a revolution in people's thinking that has lasted almost 2000 years!
THAT's evidence, like it or not.
Because people believe something for thousands of years doesn't make it evidence....by your reasoning the earth is still flat because that's what millions of people believed for thousands of years.
Here's some things that I've discovered that work for me.
1) Before any debate can really occur between two sides, the two sides need to understand each other. The thing that allows both sides to understand each other so they can actually have a real debate instead of a psuedo one is dialogue. Dialogue is not about convincing each other but understanding each other. Dialogue then becomes something both side cooperate on. Often dialogue is more important than debate, understanding each other is enough, it's not necessary to agree.
2) I need to remember the other person is a real human being with real human feelings. It helps me in cyber debate to remember the other person is more than just words on a screen. That's a real human being with wounds, hopes, dreams, interests and needs. The person who appears to be mean and rude may actually be in a lot of pain. I don't want to add to someone's pain, even if they appear rude and mean.
3) If I want real debate it's not necessarily about me convincing the other person. I may end up realizing something new and changing my mind.
continued
4) Once I'm just repeating myself, it's better to say that I'm repeating myself and bow out.
5) I don't have to have the last word.
6) I don't have to "win."
7) I don't lose anything if I admit I'm wrong or if I apologize; in fact I gain something.
8) When it coms to accepting LGBT folk, sometimes the most vehement anti-LGBT people are actually desperate LGBT folk struggling with themselves and what they are presenting to you are the arguments they've learned to continue to deny who they are and their true needs. Looking past their harshness, rudeness and hate to see their real questions and then responding calmly and reasonably may help them free themselves from internalized hate they are spouting. So I respond as if they had asked their question in a sincere and friendly way instead of the way they actually did.
These work for me. I don't share them to tell others that they should work for them. I'm not debating here, I'm dialoging! ::smile::
If I may add a thought... I think it's also important to recognize that others might not have much time for participating in any particular conversation. Just because someone only makes an ocassional comment, or doesn't respond to others, doesn't lessen the value of the few words they might have contributed.
I find that the dialogs (or conversations) which have the most meaning for me are the ones that have given me a fresh idea or prompted a new insight, and that continue in my own head long after anyone has finished commenting on an article - and sometimes I'm rather surprised at what might still linger several days later.........
And if Jesus is so inclusive why does he say only through me can you reach the father (John 14:6).
As for jesus being inclusive? That's an interesting and unconvincing interpretation of the christian god's "love me or die" message.