Doug, 81, recently learned that he has end-stage cancer and probably only a few months to live. He's devastated, frightened and feels alone. His wife died two years ago, and he has missed her greatly. He has outlived his siblings and closest friends. His only daughter lives 2,500 miles away; his three adult grandchildren are scattered around the country as well.
Doug finds himself thinking a lot about what he calls "The Big Questions": "What's the meaning of my life? When you add up them up, do my good memories outnumber the failed opportunities and disappointments? What's going to happens after I die? Is there a God? How will I be judged? How will I be remembered by my daughter and grandchildren?"
Larry is 42 and a Wall Street analyst. Work is his life; it's how he defines himself. Everything else has taken a back seat to his career: marriage, family, social relationships. Larry has just learned that he has prostate cancer, and question upon question swirl unanswered in his head. "Is cancer going to cut short or radically alter my life? Will I survive this? Will it destroy my career? I went to Harvard. I've been killing myself on Wall Street for the past 20 years. And for what, to be facing a radical prostatectomy?"
Doug has not been a religious person. Unlike people who are rooted in a faith tradition and community, he feels adrift. He can't turn to and rely upon prayers and rituals, clergy and fellow congregants, all of which might help him find comfort and meaning. And he does not have much of a support network either, apart from some of his Wall Street co-workers.
Samantha is a 38 year old African-American single mother of two who has been diagnosed with Mitral valve prolapse, a heart valve disease that will require surgery. She has been treated for high blood pressure for several years, and suffers from shortness of breath and dizziness. She has chronic swelling in her ankles and has gained a considerable amount of weight since the birth of her second child. Although Samantha's doctors are optimistic about the valve repair and her long-term prognosis, Samantha is pessimistic, believing in a very fundamentalist way that her condition is God's punishment for her free-wheeling lifestyle, which she believes contributed to her first pregnancy that resulted in a still birth. "Am I a good mother? Did I smoke and drink too much when I was younger? Will God forgive me? How will my children get along if I'm no longer here?"
Although each of these people are worlds apart in terms of their life experiences and diagnoses, what's common to them is that a serious or life-altering illness has triggered inner questioning and a search to make sense of life. "Who am I? What's the purpose of my life? Why was I put on this earth?" At their root, each of their questions is spiritual in nature. Spirituality touches the essence of who we are, regardless of whether or not we embrace religious faith or practice.
Spirituality, according to the 2009 consensus conference sponsored by the Archstone Foundation, is "the aspect of humanity that refers to the way individuals seek and express meaning and purpose and the way they experience their connectedness to the moment, to self, to others, to nature and to the significant or sacred."
Being unable to grapple successfully with these basic questions of existence can contribute to what may be called spiritual distress. Too often, health care professionals -- appropriately focused on the diagnosis and proposed treatment plans -- pay insufficient attention to the spiritual questions that arise and need to be addressed. People need "spiritual care" as much as they need "medical care."
When our bodies are under assault from disease or illness and our minds are reeling from the threat of disability or death, our spirit is there to hold it all together. And many people can play the role of a spiritual care provider. Spiritual care might come from a spouse, a doctor or nurse, a priest, minister, rabbi or imam, a trusted friend or co-worker. What is required is presence, an ability to listen and understand, and an honest attempt to help a person find meaning -- real meaning -- in their life circumstances.
A person in spiritual distress is usually looking for meaning. A spiritual companion, whoever that may be, must understand this universal need to find meaning and commit to accompanying a patient to find and affirm their own answers from within their own life and experience.
That is what a good spiritual companion does. He or she commits to the journey and becomes a mirror held up to their friend's life, inviting them to look in it deeply and to express truthfully what they see. They encourage their friends to reminisce about events and relationships that have occurred throughout their life and to rediscover legacies, meaning and spiritual strength.
Astute, sensitive spiritual care helps create gentle pathways through which a person might achieve inner growth and peace during critical steps along life's journey until it is finally completed.
If you know a Doug or a Larry or a Samantha, don't be afraid to reach out to them in a gentle way. Recognize that people cope with health crises and grief in their own way and at their own pace. Most importantly, offer to be there for them. Listen to what they say and what they don't say. If your friend is in a hospital, ask if they'd like for a chaplain to visit. I've learned from many years of observation that professional chaplains are particularly able to help people -- regardless of faith or beliefs -- to find meaning and comfort.
Meaning and comfort is what we all need and what we all desire.
HealthCare Chaplaincy - HealthCare Chaplaincy's Finding Meaning ...
It is all rather simple. God resides in Heaven, sekl God, tell Him you are sorry for your sins and wish to obey Him, and God who is Mercy Itself will give you His presence for eternity, and you will go to heaven where he is.
On the other hand you can imagine God is a myth, a fabrication, not someone of value, and od everything YOUR WAY, and ignore the will of God, you will be sent where God is not for all eternity. God is Not in Hell. You will get your wish.
Either way YOU CHOOSE !
It should also be noted that the black seniors, in particular, did not tend to fit the mold of "success" by worldly standards. Their peace and lack of fear stemmed from the promises of Christ and the knowledge that their worldly life was as bad as they will ever experience. Whereas the earthly life of non-believers is as good as it will ever get.
As to whether life has meaning or not, I hope you don't inflict the idea that it doesn't on anyone going through this.
What poise!
And there are numerous stories coming out where older people are urging rescue workers to go help the younger people and children, not them.
What generosity!
What deep social commitment!
64-65% of Japanese are non-believers in god.
http://www.adherents.com/largecom/com_atheist.html
Judging by the way Japanese are handling this crisis I would conclude that belief has very little to do with how well one copes with tragedies and crises and impending death and suffering.
It is a "what if" movie, what if we lived in a world where lying didn't exist. The movie followed a guy who "invents lying" , so everyone believes his lies because lying doesn't exist except for him.
plenty of funny scenes using this scenario.
But the most surprisingly poignant scene is when the man is in the hospital with his dying mother, and she's crying and she's scared, scared of dying, scared of the unknown.
And so the man, who can't bare to see his mom so scared, tells her a story, a story of what happens when you die, and it's a beautiful story that comforts her and makes her believe that everything is going to be ok, and that her loved ones long past will be with her. And before she passes she is washed over with a smile and a feeling of comfort and love.
It's a great part of the film, and taps into that need for certainty of the unknown after we die, and a great show of why people feel they need faith, we need to lie, so we can live. but really we don't have to, we just don't know it.
it was was his nice mom, not someone who's life is despicable.
regardless of whether you lead a good life, dying is scary, being good doesn't remove you from being scared of dying.
Evil people get peaceful deaths too.
But over all you're missing the point of the scene.
The fact that you care enough to compose and take your time to share a post here is brilliant. We're better for your work and thought :)
And if he/she says, "No," respect that.
When my dad was dying, he was plagued with a pastor (who meant well) continuing to visit and pray for him even after Dad had asked him not to. He would get into long sessions of what Dad had to look forward to in the "afterlife" and how god had bigger plans for him, all of which made my Dad want to speak his own mind on the subject, but he was too polite.
When I would meet the man at the door and tell him Dad did not feel like company, he would barge right in anyway.
Dad enjoyed visits from friends and family who reminisced with him, or just sat quietly with him. Those folks did him a lot of good in his last few weeks.
He was an atheist, and he knew that where he was going wasn't what was important or what he should be thinking about, but that his time here NOW with his family was what mattered.
With that sentence he makes it clear that regardless of what a non-believer would tell them, he just KNOWS that they are missing something. For me, it is insulting frankly.
And as far as your dad is concerned, I know how you feel. When my father passed, I was inundated with "prayers" from the faithful. While I'm sure they were trying to be nice, being a non-believer is not like being a spiritual invalid.
He needs one more example in his post--and that would be the dying person who wants you to keep the prayers and afterlife talk to yourself.