Sept. 22, 2010 -- It was a day that opened up a conversation that must not stop. It was the day that Tyler Clementi, a freshman at Rutgers University in New Jersey, jumped from the George Washington Bridge in New York to the dark depths of the Hudson River below.
Tyler is one of the most recent young people in a tragic story that seems unwilling to end. Is our attention to the matter of bullying heightened momentarily with the help of the media? Ellen DeGeneres posted an emotional and compassionate YouTube video. CNN's Anderson Cooper ran a series on bullying and its consequences. The program was laden with pundits and real life students suggesting the cause, effect and helplessness friends, parents and institutions experience in what is being labeled a crisis. Every several days, local and national newspapers provide coverage of another bullying attack. Bloggers seem unable to stop discussing the issue. And the story is multi-layered including cyber-bullying, sexual orientation and the current place of social media and instant information.
So, what is it about the Tyler Clementi story that caused the hype? Like many of those who recently took their life after constant bullying and intimidation, Tyler was a well-liked student. An accomplished 18-year-old freshman music student, he was described as being quiet and shy. Yet, unlike the many others, it wasn't only that Tyler was thought to be gay -- his most intimate life was exposed on-line for all the world to see, to judge and to offer comment.
Yet, institutions of higher learning want to create environments of diversity where students from varying socioeconomic levels, race and ethnicity, foreign countries and the LGBTQ community can come together. In a recent essay, Kristy Almeida-Neveu underlines how gay students must be understood in the context of recruitment and knowing that a central question the student will have is "Will I be accepted on your campus?" (p B38, The Chronicle of Higher Education, September 24, 2010) She goes on to advise that "Well-intended staff members at risky institutions need to think of students' safety before trying to encourage them to apply or enroll." A further question might be asked: How is risk assessed?
The founding principle of colleges and universities is built on knowledge and discourse leading to new discoveries and the advancement of society. Should they not be some of the safest places to test out questions, even questions of personal identity? Campus chaplains and student counseling services can provide sanctuary for such conversation but it takes the entire academy to create a place where all can feel safe.
It's time for the media coverage to turn to prevention of cyber-bullying instead of the (sadly) countless examples of it. It's time for high schools and colleges and universities -- their faculty, staff, students, campus ministries, housing offices and all associated -- to join together and take a more pro-active and responsible position by establishing community norms where all questions can be explored including questions of sexual orientation in an open, accepting and non-judgmental environment. Let us not have anymore tragedies like Tyler Clementi.
The Rev. G. Douglas Fenton is the Young Adult & Campus Ministries Officer for The Episcopal Church. As such, he spends a lot of time with young people and college students, talking with them and recognizing the issues that group faces daily.
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When you are commenting on a thoughtful, caring article by an Episcopalian priest? Apparently many Americans are as ignorant about Christianity as we are of Islam. Both religions have a fundamentalist element, but I can attest to the fact that there is a strong progressive element in many mainstream Christian Churches. As the church was a key player in opposing slavery, so it has an important role in opposing oppression of people for their God-given sexual preference. Bishop Spong, for one, has stated that Christianity must evolve or die. I am sorry that the ignorant want to see us die, but some of us prefer to continue to evolve!
They have nothing positive to say and nothing productive to contribute.
If they want to discuss sex, then they must first drop the superstitions and jump into the reality of the situation.
I personally think that homosexuality is much like anorexia. Do I hate anorexics? of course not. Yet, i see parallels.
It is extremely difficult to convince an anorexic of the reality of their world...It is the same with homosexuality. Is anorexia genetic? not likely. Can we show that with identical twins, if one gets anorexia, the other must as well? no. Even identical twins have some differing DNA...but what is the probability that we would find the genetic difference in that very small portion where the DNA differs. Unlikely.
Am I going to be blamed for the suicide of an anorexic (who has been exposed by a prankster) because i do not accept their condition as normal ?
I personally think that Christianity is much like mental illness. Do I hate the mentally ill? of course not. Yet, i see parallels.
It is extremely difficult to convince the mentally ill of the reality of their world...It is the same with Christianity.
Is Religion akin to mental illness? very likely. Can we show that with religious people and mentally ill people both believe as fact things that can not be proven to be real. Yes.
The mentally ill can undergo treatment and take medicines to help control their delusions. Treatment and medicines increase the well being and general mental health of the mentally ill. Should the mentally ill get treatment for their condition? Yes. It benefits themselves and society. Will religious people get treatment for what is clearly delusional thought and beliefs systems? Unlikely.
Am I going to be called a religious bigot because i do not accept that religious beliefs systems and think that those who accept them as truth are delusional? Most likely.
Really!? Here are six abiding principles of the Christian religion, can you name any non religious principles that are even in the same league?
You shall not murder.
You shall not commit adultery.
You shall not steal.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor
You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
Let's use the example of the mormons.
Just after 6 of the suicides, their #2 guy gave this speech, likely in reaction to tremendous criticism for the millions spent on defaming Gay marriage in California and elsewhere.
Top LDS 'Apostle' Boyd K. Packer: Mormons will always oppose Satan's counterfeit marriages
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDceBHOgm6A
BAAAAAAAAAAAAD REACTION out in the world and from decent mormons,
So they come back with "nice" platitudes from more attractive spokespersons
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/26/mormon-leader-weighs-in-o_n_774326.html
ALL SO THEY DON'T LOOK BAD AND LOSE TITHES AND MEMBERS, in my opinion
AS LONG AS CHURCHES SEE GAYS AS UNFORTUNATE SINNERS (or evil, destructive, subversive, sinners, in some churches)
THEY ARE ENCOURAGING BULLYING & SUICIDES --- you cannot teach kids that a class of people are less than they are and need to be taught "what God wants for them" and not be putting in the seed for violence
If Little Billy Mormon is taught not to hate Little Joey Mormon (who is not a "regular boy"), but to help him see that he lets down his family in the afterlife by acting on his Gayness..........
You KNOW there is going to be looking down going on.
If it is hard for you to conceive of how a heart filled with the love & grace of God could speak what they believed was the truth even if it was a hard and tough truth that is an inadequacy that lies in you.
I seriously doubt they (meaning the religious) would ever admit wrongdoing.
A few enforce those rules outside that framework of love & justice and they rightly deserve our condemnation, BUT their bad acts don't invalidate the rules and some are using those bad acts to justify their rejection of the "rules". They secretly like those who dirty the water because it makes it easier to throw the baby out.
Surely you've noticed that the politicians and "religious figures" who rant the loudest about the "bad behavior" of gay men are the ones constantly getting caught with their pants down in the very situations they rant against?
so what's this about "bad character"?
One other thing: Jesus evidently cautioned strongly against judging. It sounds to me like you aren't quite as interested in that advice as you are in "condemnation."
To heal a mind that has tended to surmise tragic consequences will not be favored by the majority of believers in the Word. Their mindset has been to trivialize the remainder of the contents of the Word. "Tragedy is not to be expected, say they, for we are living in a prosperous environment." Many have forseen the eclipse as once having occurred. It is no small matter to remind civilization that they exist only as a result of lust, egoism and greed. These faults must be expressed and reckoned with, if one is to pursue a life of inner peace. Endeavor to substantiate this by the wisdom of the Holy Spirit within.
secretly like bullies, are bullies, in a country that itself is more and more perceived
as a bully. There is an entrenched superstition that the bully is an indispensable
shaman in rites of passage, and to the extent that bullying is protected, tolerated,
secretly admired even, the door remains open for mob action, the bully convention
that frequently kills while shielding individuals in the anonymity of numbers.
Bullies need to be understood. But first, a lot of them have to be arrested, convicted
and sent up the river for long sentences. That will change the climate.
Christians are taught to be true to themselves as well as to God. Taking responsibility for their own sins and shortcomings. Blaming another for your own failures is not healty and leads to many problems in your life. If you can not come out because of the shame you feel then wouldn't it be healthy to ask yourself is this feeling of shame because of what others think or what you feel about this issue? If you believe it is a healthy normal expression of the human condition then why do you need anyones approval.
Many times in life you will face decisions that require you to make hard choices. If you need approval to make a hard choice you will be very unhappy with your life. Are you sure enough of your choices to move on and let the chips fall as they may? If not then you should not put yourself in this position. Sexual activity by adolescents isn't without mental health risks. That is why most parents want their children to go slow and grow to adulthood before they plunge into the gene pool.
I do not believe you could have come up with a more false statement even if you tried really, really hard. You clearly have only viewed this from the comfort of the box which you appear to live under.
---Why is it ridiculous? I was bullied in high school. In fact I was bullied on my last job. Yet I am still alive as of this moment. I am sure I can speak for many who have been bullied in saying that it is up to you if you allow someone else to dictate your life and how you are going to behave.
Isn't something backwards here???
Let us, then, address unequivocally the bigotry toward homosexuality in the Bible. The supposed word of god directs that homosexuals be treated with contempt. Do any of these ministers currently arguing against bullying have the courage to disagree with their holy book about the morality of homosexuality?
Leviticus 20:13 - If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
God is the same today, yesterday and tomorrow. When the word of God was brought forward for men to know the mind of God we learned that our ways are not his ways. We are fortunate that we have been given the word to know what God expects from believers. We men are not able to know the depth of our God but we do know He is a loving God and wants all to know they need Him. Without God I am lost.
God loves all and wants us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Easier said than done. But we also are told not to throw pearls before swine lest they turn and trample us. All I can do is accept the gay neighbor as they are. I would not bring up sex, God or Jesus in their presence unless they brought it up.
In the end judgement is not mine. For as I am judged so will I be judged. My own standards will be the arbiter of my own judgement. That is why Jesus said Judge not so we could avoid judgement.
That is Bible 101, how did you make such an obvious mistake? If you got that very basic thing wrong what else are you missing?
It's time for the church(es) to wake up to their complicity in these crimes, after pushing their own brands of fire-and-brimstone for decades, demonizing the victims, and protecting the abusers.
A little late to be joining the "non-judgemental" majority, isn't it?