Your daughter and her new girlfriend have joined you and your extended family for a holiday feast. You're thrilled that they agreed to come. But your favorite uncle apparently didn't get the memo about how great it would be to have a lesbian couple sitting at the table. Somewhere between the hors d'oeuvres and main course, he starts grumbling about how "crimes against nature" and "abominations" are ruining his holiday.
Do you: a) fake a migraine and escape to your bedroom for two hours; b) switch the topic to politics, which would surely be easier to talk about than this; or c) adopt a non-anxious, self-confident posture as you calmly explain why God has no problem with your daughter's relationship and neither should anyone else?
I imagine most people would like to choose option "C," but far too few feel sufficiently prepared to do it. I don't recommend delivering a lecture on this topic over dinner. But if you're worried about entertaining homos for the holidays, here's a brief religion survival guide that can help soothe the family conversations. Just imagine chatting with your beloved uncle over eggnog. Whenever he makes one of the following claims (as he likely will), just respond calmly and lovingly in return, like this:
Uncle Claim #1: The Bible clearly condemns homosexuality.
Your Calm Response: Lots of people think exactly the same thing! But did you know that most biblical scholars agree that biblical writers never addressed gay and lesbian relationships as we know them today? The word "homosexuality" wasn't even invented until the late 19th century. Biblical writers cared much more about guarding against idolatry and condemning social and economic injustice than worrying about who fell in love with whom. Want to talk about year-end bonuses for Wall Street moguls?
Uncle Claim #2: But wait, God destroyed Sodom because of all that gay sex, right?
Your Calm Response: Actually, in the story of Sodom in Genesis 19, all the men of Sodom attempt to gang-rape some foreign visitors. As in rape cases today, this act is not about sexuality but about violence, power, and the hatred of strangers. All the references to this story in the rest of the Hebrew Bible (the Christian Old Testament) confirm that the "sin" of Sodom was hatred of foreigners, pride, and abuse of the poor. No sexual "sin" is mentioned in any of these later references to the story of Sodom's destruction. You know, biblical writers would probably urge us to discuss U.S. immigration policy if we're going to talk about "sodomy."
Uncle Claim #3: Well, OK. Still, the Bible clearly supports heterosexual marriage as the ideal.
Your Calm Response: I used to think so, too! But did you know that the primary form of marriage in the Hebrew Bible is polygamy, with the prize going to King Solomon, who was said to have 700 wives and 300 concubines? I was really surprised to realize that in the New Testament, both Jesus and Paul were unmarried and childless and seemed to recommend that everyone else follow their example (the best thing Paul could think to say about marriage is that it cures lust; take a look at 1 Corinthians 7). Actually, we could talk about the amazing biblical stories of same-sex devotion concerning Jonathan and David or Ruth and Naomi!
Uncle Claim #4: Then why did God create Adam and Eve, you know, rather than Adam and Steve?
Your Calm Response: Have you met Steve? He's fabulous... OK, just kidding. But think about this: the biblical creation stories in Genesis never mention same-sex relationships of any kind. The purpose of those stories is to show that God is the creator of everything that exists -- don't you think that this would include people who have a sexual orientation towards others of the same sex? And think about the creation story in Genesis 2. That chapter seems to say that the explicit purpose of creating sexual partners is not for the procreation of children but instead for the relief of loneliness. Same-sex relationships fulfill that purpose of creation as well as different-sex relationships do -- just look at your grand-niece! Doesn't she seem happy with her girlfriend?
Uncle Claim #5: Of course she does! But the Church won't accept her relationship!
Your Calm Response: You know what? Lots of churches will! And you know what else? The Church has never really figured out what to say about marriage. Way back in the first few centuries of Christianity, the Church actually elevated celibacy as the spiritual ideal, not marriage. Only in the medieval world and especially in the Protestant Reformation during the 16th century did Christians start to talk about marriage as a significant Christian vocation. Today, lots of churches recognize same-sex relationships as a blessing just like heterosexual couples are. But right now, dear uncle, don't you think the most important thing is to make my daughter and her girlfriend feel welcome here, in our family?
Your holiday conversation probably won't go exactly like that. But here's the most important thing: religion is supposed to draw us together, create community, and deepen our love for one another. You love your uncle, and you love your lesbian daughter. Religion should never force you to choose between them. That's the good news of religion this holiday season: God loves LGBT people just as much as your beloved uncle. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
"But here's the most important thing: religion is supposed to draw us together, create community, and deepen our love for one another. You love your uncle, and you love your lesbian daughter. Religion should never force you to choose between them. That's the good news of religion this holiday season: God loves LGBT people just as much as your beloved uncle. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
That sums it all up, right there. And that love is unconditional, and loves in spite of, not because of -- because of Who He is, not because of who we are.
New Living Translation (NLT)
20 What sorrow for those who say
that evil is good and good is evil,
that dark is light and light is dark,
that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter.
Thank you for a well-written article of an such important topic. Your article was very much like the Bible Study we had in our church to prepare us to becoming an open and welcoming congregation.
As a seminary graduate, I found your interpretation of the Scriptures both Hebrew and Christian to be quite accurate. Unfortunately too many people interpret some passages and situations in the Bible as related to today, taking them out of context and without knowledge, background, etc.
Thanks again. Blessings,
Trying to use the Bible as evidence on either side of the argument is rather like using the film Pearl Harbour as an historical documentary on America's involvement in WW2.
Just sayin'.
You can be a bigot all you want. At home alone.
But you can escort stupid to the door.
This is my home. You are entitled to your opinions. I cannot stop you from believing whatever you wish to believe.
And I do not need to provide you food and comfort as you spew your bile.
See ya!
Just thought people aught to know.
Thanks for playing!
None of the above. A wise host or hostess does not let the situation arise. We're talking FAMILY dinner here, you already know who is comfortable and who is not with alternative lifestyles.
So d) you don't invite one or the other. Either you invite the uncle that does not like homosexuality or you don't invite the lesbians; or you just don't have an extended family dinner.
In years past, the same sorts of issues were whether to invite a Mormon to a Catholic or Baptist family dinner (or vice versa), southerner's to a dinner in Chicago (or vice versa).
The fact is, the more people you invite, the more conflict is likely to happen.
If everyone present is *tolerant* of differences while not necessarily accepting them, it can make for interesting conversation. But in my experience, homosexuals *require* more than mere tolerance; if I do not subscribe wholeheartedly to their way of thinking then I'm "homophobic" and that's pretty much the end of that. No attempt is made to *persuade* me. It's all or nothing.
So, yeah, in this modern age I think somewhat fewer family dinners where everyone is invited is likely to be the case.
Precisely. Thus, the family dinner is doomed. Christians vary considerably in how willing they are to be at table with immorality; the one being discussed is "intolerant". Homosexuals tend also to be very demanding, demanding full acceptance with no more tolerance of non-acceptance than is being shown by the Christian in this story.
Thus, it is not possible to have peace and have both the Christian and the Homoseuxal at the same table at the same time. One of these three elements cannot be present -- you can discard "peace" and have the Christian and the Homosexual be present, or you can keep peace and discard either the Christian or the Homosexual.
If you claim rights for yourself, you have to give them to your Gay neighbor. End of story.
*facepalm*
I wouldn't want to be saddled with logic like yours.
I love Ecclesiastes. By the way, nice icon, Ryan.
Your Calm Response: You are clearly of unintelligent mind uncle. You let a 2000 year old book govern what is right and wrong in your life? You watch football "men playing with pig skin is an abomination, Uncle, do you let your slaves worship on Sunday? Didn't Jesus say not to judge as he who lives without sin cast the first stone? Uncle, go to hell i don't need your discrimination which is nothing like Jesus. Actually if Jesus was here, he'd tell you to get the fuck over yourself and focus on your own sins not mine.
Whereupon he leaves the table and you may never see or hear from him again. Would it not have been better to not let this situation arise in the first place?
Family dinner is NOT the place for a person with little or no knowledge of scripture to take on an uncle that was born and raised with it.
The time to decide whether to discard family members is BEFORE the dinner.
Obviously, it's the uncle with little or no knowledge of scripture, in this case.
"Discard" family members? A little melodramatic, no? How about discarding divisive personal agendas and political opinions until dinner is over instead?