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Marry Yourself: A Valentine's Day Ritual For Singles

02/11/2015 05:38 pm ET | Updated Apr 13, 2015

"To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness."
~ Robert Morely

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There is nothing in the world that beats the feeling of falling in love and being in love!

Many people fantasize of meeting the perfect match and being swept off their feet... yet more and more of us think of relationships as a life partnership that gives us sustenance and allow us to share our selves and our love in a deep and soulful way. We long for a strong and happy unions and marriages, and home life that offers security and is sturdy enough to be the foundation for all else we do in the world.

With so many people expressing so much desire for true love, why are so many still searching? Why do many people fear love may never come? The reasons are many, and as complex as each individual who desires true love. Yet in my many years on the front lines of love, sex, and relationships, there is one thing that crop up again and again as a block to true love: so many people who seek love lack self-love.

I've always believed the first stop on the road to romance is with you -- or within you!

Looking for love externally, and even finding someone who seems to adore you, can be a fleeting thing if you do not have a strong foundation of self-esteem. It is honoring of oneself that opens the door for another to truly do the same.

If there is no partner in sight, it sometimes helps to fake it until you make it. Why not do what kids do when they are trying to learn how to master their world -- they pretend and play act. It can actually be a way to empower your subconscious mind to agree, "Yes, I am worthy of love, happiness and a great relationship with self... as well as with another."

A Self- Love Ritual

In addition to the more mundane and sometimes emotionally demanding tasks of getting ready for love, ritual helps to give us a head start. That's why marriage ceremonies are so important.

When I teach relationship readiness seminars, I have people write self-marriage vows, look into a mirror into their own eyes, and recite vows to themselves. In essence, they marry themselves, first.

The following is an abbreviated sample ceremony, just to get you started.

If you want to make a powerful statement about your readiness for love, ceremoniously commit yourself to yourself. Your willingness to take such a strong stand for love in your life will create growth in all areas.

How to Create a Marriage Ceremony for One

You will need ample time alone, something wonderful to wear, candle, flowers, paper or journal and pen, a mirror, music and "first dance song," celebratory food and libation (a glass of wine or grape juice is fine), anything else you would like to include:

1. Light a candle and bring light into the room.

2. Say a brief prayer, such as, Divine Spirit of All There Is, please fill this place with your sacred presence. Illuminate and activate the love with in me. Support me in my efforts to express my love for self. Help me see I am lovable. Amen.

3. Sit down and meditate on the qualities you desire in a mate. Daydream about what you would say to that person were he or she standing before you on your wedding day.

4. Write down three (or more) vows that are personally meaningful to you. For example:

I will promise to love you through all time.

I promise to love myself so that I can more fully receive your love.

I will be there for you every day of your life.

5. When you feel ready, look into the mirror and connect with your own eyes and read the vows to yourself. It may be uncomfortable at first but you can transcend that. Know that your self-love vows will send a powerful message to the universe that you are ready for love!

6. Celebrate your union with self with a sip of wine.

7. Play the music of that "first dance," the one you hope to share with your beloved someday.

8. Dance... and feel the love.