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Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway Headshot

Surrender to Wedding La-La Land

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Although it is perfectly natural to worry how you will get through your wedding ceremony -- with all eyes on you -- I am here to tell you that it may not be as stressful as your fears have led you to believe!

On the wedding day, after months and weeks of sometimes frantic planning, there is often a natural calm that will come to you. It may seem surprising, especially if you expected to me a bundle of raw nerves on your special day.

Although it may set in a couple of days before the wedding, it may occur just before -- or while --making your approach to the altar, or as you are standing there with your beloved. You may literally find yourself in an altered state of mind. Some people call this "Bridal Hormones."

I call it "Wedding La-La Land."

Brides worry so much about nerves and tears, yet if you can let go and trust, your ceremony can be the beautiful experience it is meant to be. Wedding planning is stressful, but your time at the wedding altar during the ceremony is meant to be sacred.

In all the years I been officiating weddings I've found time and again that when I am up there with a couple, it feels as if we surrounded by a protective bubble. And that bubble is created by love -- the love between the couple and the love radiated to them by family and friends who have come to witness their special day.

All weddings ceremonies have a rhythm, and a life, of their own.

As a ceremony begins, there is a unique anticipation that fills the hearts of the couple and those who have come to witness the ceremony. The energy begins to percolate as the processional starts. It comes alive as the bride makes her walk to the altar. And it builds like a symphony with each segment of the ceremony. Once you reach the kiss, it is as if the heavens are raining love upon the gathering. There is a sense of pure joy in the air.

By the time the ceremony ends, you are both so open-hearted -- and relaxed! -- that you feel you can hug the whole world.

From the moment you two set eyes on each other at the altar, you may be surprised how natural it is to surrender to the moment. It is important that you allow it to unfold.

Here are some tips for dealing with wedding tears and emotions:

Trusting what is and letting tears flow. Many emotions will emerge. Some brides are very nervous about crying. They worry that they will fall apart. Yet the emotions that emerge on the wedding day are like the weather -- you cannot control them. They emerge from deep within. They flow naturally from your open her heart. Allow yourself to feel safe enough to express yourself freely that day, and don't worry that you will fall apart. You will not fall apart. But you may feel emotions rise and some will be followed by tears. Let them flow.

Allow for real emotions. When you try to choke back emotion or squelch back tears during your ceremony, it is like cutting off circulation. Your emotions come from such a deep, primal place that day -- trying to cut them off only makes them stronger. Once you release them it is like a tremendous release of energy. So it might mean that you cry for a moment, and it passes. Or it there could be a lot of water works. Many brides say their most beautiful wedding pictures are the ones of them all teary-eyed because the shots are so honest. Others say the weirdest shots are of how their faces scrunched up when they tried to hold back tears. Underneath all the emotions of the ceremony is an extraordinary, huge, uplifting energy. A unique euphoric feeling takes over as the ceremony ends and the wedding celebration begins.

The great surrender to Wedding La-La Land. There is a place in the Niagara River they call "the point of no return" because if you step into the water at that place it will sweep you into Niagara Falls. There comes a time just before the wedding when you have to settle yourself and be ready. Once you get down the aisle, there is no turning back. It's show time. Even if you are distracted by your mother or upset with a vendor, all that must be put aside so you can give yourself to the moment. This is what it is all about! You've done all your preparation, and now, it's time to trust that everything is perfect, including tears, giggles, nervousness and the occasional unplanned for event -- such as a microphone not working or a cell phone going off in the audience. Trust that it is all okay, as it is meant to be.