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Rev. Martha Spong

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Old Husbands' Tales

Posted: 08/25/2012 8:19 am

I've been speechless for the past couple of days.

I've been thinking quite a lot about the words Todd Akin used to describe rape. I've been thinking and reading the words of others in their responses to him.

On religious websites, the comments devolve immediately into an argument over a woman's right to choose. I recognize that I know a lot of people, some of them reading this perhaps, who would disagree with my pro-choice position and others who would not share my philosophy that abortion should be safe, legal and rare.

But we get distracted at our peril, because no matter where you stand on abortion, Akin is spouting "Old Husband's Tales" as fact, showing an ignorance about and disdain for women that is appalling.

Women form more than half the population. We are not children. We are equally created human beings. Unfortunately we are also sexually vulnerable.

Men are, too, of course. They can be assaulted and invaded, and it's happened historically and it happens all the time.

But women can be willfully entered and impregnated, an act that has lifelong consequences for the woman and also for a potential child. To suggest that some sort of voodoo hormones will protect women from conception is absurd, so ridiculous that I can't believe I'm having to write it down or think about it.

Old Husbands' Tales are based in a belief that women are unequal to men, that they are in effect property to be used at will. What's a "legitimate" rape? An attack by a stranger on an innocent virgin? It's an Old Husbands' Tale that there can be no rape in marriage, because a man has the right to do what he wants with his wife. It's an Old Husbands' Tale that a woman can run faster with her skirt up than a man with his pants down. (Yes, some people call that a joke.) It's an Old Husbands' Tale that "men have needs," and that takes us down other roads that show a disregard for women as a class. It's an Old Husbands' Tale that women don't even know if they've been raped.

The violent attack of a stranger is a terrible thing. The intentional and non-consensual act of a partner you have trusted is also a terrible thing. Neither one comes with a Magic Diaphragm of Holy Conception Preventing Power.

Some women who are raped by strangers and impregnated carry the children and even raise them.

But I don't need a survey to tell me that more women are impregnated by spouses and partners who did not bother to be sure "the female body," as Akin calls us, was actually willing.

I'm the mother of three, two sons and a daughter. I've been teaching all of them, for years, to practice a Love Ethic where sex is concerned. When the time comes, I said, remember what Jesus wanted from us, to love God and love others as ourselves. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Please. Remember that the other person is also a human being, created by God and loved by God.

I don't hear that from the Christian right. I hear a fear that men will lose the power to put their seed wherever they want it to go. I hear a fear that some people, men and women, will honor women's experience and value them equally. I hear a fear that Old Husbands' Tales will be dismissed for the ignorant prattle they are.

The fear of people who are losing their power is dangerous.

So please, don't let us be distracted by arguments over abortion. The issue is half the human race. The issue is the value of living women. We are being called liars and fools, told we are weak and need everything clarified for us. I'll tell you, if I had that Magic Diaphragm, I would use it like a shield to hold off the violation by words that goes on every day in our public discourse, where people are free to say anything they like and no one has to accept that facts contradict opinion and people believe the loudest voice wins.

My voice is soft, but I am ready to speak now.

I have had my own moments in which trust was broken. I have been violated, but the details matter less than the larger, sadder truth. There are men and some women, too, who will continue to defend hetero-normative patriarchy by any means necessary. They will wrap it in Jesus, or the Trinity, or the American flag. They would wrap it in Zeus if anyone still worshiped him. They will make a mockery of my faith in a loving God and my belief in a nation where freedom and equality matter. They will do their best to break my heart.

I believe their numbers are in decline, but I can also see that they will fight to the end, ruthlessly. We who are gentle must find our strength. We who speak softly must raise our voices. We who know better must give the lie to Old Husbands' Tales.

 
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03:47 PM on 08/27/2012
Excellent piece. Thoughtfully said.
12:57 PM on 08/27/2012
While you're at it, why don't you give the lie to the old jesus tales too? Seems like you're half way there having given the lie to the old zeus tales already.
01:21 PM on 08/27/2012
Are these not born of the same rabid stupidity as your alleged "Old Husband's Tales"? Men and women were "equally created"? Seriously? Feminism and Christianity cannot stand in the same place--they are hopelessly at odds.

To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." -Genesis 3:16

A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. 1 Corinthians 11:7

Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says.
-1 Corinthians 14:34

A woman should learn in quietness and full submission.
-1 Timothy 2:11
01:16 PM on 08/26/2012
"It's an Old Husbands' Tale that "men have needs," and that takes us down other roads that show a disregard for women as a class."

This idea does not just denigrate women. It is also insulting to men, it insinuates that they do not have control over their own actions.
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angelcakesinc
Silence is death
01:24 AM on 08/27/2012
Little known fact, misogyny and sexism actually harms men as well as women, even while it privileges men at the same time. Oh complicated issues, why can you not be distilled down into simple 10-30 second sound bites so you can be explained to the masses... Alas, they cannot, so people like us have to constantly go around pointing it out every time it comes up... Sigh.
10:24 AM on 08/27/2012
It's the same mindset that insists women be covered up in their dress in order to prevent the temptation of men to act badly. We're all equally responsible for our actions and interactions.
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charlesrfd2003
Proud American who believes in the Bill of Rights
03:55 AM on 08/26/2012
The Congressman's comments are the dumbest that I have heard in 70 years. The real surprise are those who continue to support his original remarks. Scary!
01:33 PM on 08/26/2012
Agreed.
Fortunately, the sane people are in the majority. That's why it takes 70 years for guys like you and me to hear such nonsense.
Sadly,now apparently people think all men think this way.
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03:50 PM on 08/27/2012
No we don't. Many of us are married to sane men, have them as fathers, brothers, friends and co-workers.

The saddest part, I think, is the large number of women who are willing to buy in to the "men are superior and I must obey my man" school of thought. My sister and nieces are three of these. There will be four straight Republican ballots coming from that family. And I don't even know if they understand that they are hurting themselves.
03:45 PM on 08/25/2012
Martha makes me proud to be a Maine UCC woman, with a soft voice. Bravo!
08:32 AM on 08/27/2012
Sure. You weren't just lumped in with Atkin.
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04:10 PM on 08/27/2012
Akin, and nor were you unless you espouse the same nonsense he does.
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Jeff Rosenbury
I love all people -- in the abstract
02:24 PM on 08/25/2012
Akin did not state that women couldn't get pregnant through forcible rape, just that it is less likely than someone in a committed relationship.

He was correct. This is because any single sex act has a low chance of conception and people in relationships engage in many individual acts.

I have no idea if Akin thought there were magic rape hormones. If he did he was likely correct though they seem to work to make women slightly more likely to get pregnant (but not by much).

I also don't know what he meant by "legitimate" rape, but I suspect he meant violent rape. Other types of rape do exist, but so do false accusations. The married woman having an affair can be very tempted to cry rape if she gets pregnant. In one study over 40% of police filed rape accusations were later retracted as untrue. I would not call these false accusations "legitimate".
01:20 PM on 08/26/2012
And in one study less than 3% of accusations were classified as unfounded.
Please don't cite numbers without a link, because without backup, it's just you saying numbers, and is meaningless.
From what Akin said, it is very hard to interpret it as him thinking anything other than magic rape hormones, and there is absolutely no scientific basis for his claims.
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SmileAndActNice
Utilitarianism, the -ism that works.
10:16 PM on 08/26/2012
If you are under constant stress you can have problems ocular

The magic comes about when you take studies that note this and decide
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SmileAndActNice
Utilitarianism, the -ism that works.
10:18 PM on 08/26/2012
When you are under constant stress you can miss ovulations.

The magic comes from taking that fact and somehow concluding that a woman who has already ovulated can avoid pregnancy after one stressful encounter ... Or if she was drugged a non-stressful encounter that she may not remember.
04:05 PM on 08/26/2012
You are part of the problem.
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Jeff Rosenbury
I love all people -- in the abstract
08:43 AM on 08/27/2012
Rapists are the problem.

Are you aware you just made a (false) rape accusation? I don't rape.
01:50 PM on 08/25/2012
There is a terrific Op Ed piece in the New York Times today, August 25, entitled:
"Men, who needs them?" by Greg Hampikian that should frighten EVERY MAN.
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Carlyn Craig
Post Hypnotic Press Audiobooks
03:09 PM on 08/30/2012
Why are you frightened? Not entertaining enough?
10:24 AM on 08/25/2012
Speaking as an Old Husband, Old Father and Old Man, I am offended by this column, written by a woman, who puts words in my mouth.
In my entire life on this planet, neither me, nor any of my friends, voiced this "shut down" or thise other "old husband" nonsense and I am insulted anyone would stereotypically infer we did.
Some people are iidiiots. Some of those people are men. But not all men are idtiots.
And you are a pastor?
Now every man in the pews knows what you really think of them. If I were a member I would leave immediately becuase who wants a pastor who thinks they can read one's "pig" mind? Mothers, this is what she thinks of your sons.
been2there
Facts have a liberal bias.
12:13 AM on 08/26/2012
She simply used an analogy to "old wives tales." Do you object to that term? If not, you are demonstrating a disgusting double standar.
06:34 PM on 08/26/2012
And who am I to get insulted if I get lumped in with an ignorant saying, right? I mean all she is implying is that all Old Husbands think like that, right?
01:24 PM on 08/26/2012
Well, good for you. Apparently you are not who the author is referring to. I don't see anywhere here that says ALL men. However, there are definitely many, and many of them in positions of authority, to whom this does apply.
Perhaps, rather than getting personally offended by this article pointing out this fact, you (and all of your other friends who disagree with these misogynists) could consider becoming a bit more vocal in condemnation of the men to which this DOES apply. Just saying, that could be a lot more useful.
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thorrsman
Why should I define myself by quoting others?
10:17 AM on 08/25/2012
Have you also been thinking about the vast number of FALSE rape charges brought against men?

It is easy to name a few famous cases, like the Duke Lacrosse one. How many less well known cases of false reporting are there?

Get off you high horse and stop using a few poorly chosen words to beat up an entire segment of society that does not goose-step with you.
11:24 PM on 08/25/2012
I would posit that the reason there are "famous" false rape cases is because they are few, making them newsworthy, and committed against men. What do you suppose the ratio of false reports is to the actual numbers of rapes? And when the Duke LaCrosse team was falsely accused, they weren't left with unwanted children to raise.
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happybeliever
12:13 AM on 08/26/2012
None of that justifies false rape claims, and the devastation that it causes the falsely accused.
been2there
Facts have a liberal bias.
12:14 AM on 08/26/2012
According to studies, false claims are very rare. But, as a feminist, I consider a false claim to be just as despicable as a rape, and would support equal jail time for the perpetrator.
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thorrsman
Why should I define myself by quoting others?
04:34 PM on 08/26/2012
Are they really?

Whose studies? A question that needs to be answered before the results of such studies can be considered valid.

The fact that those of us paying attention have heard of many, many such cases of false accusations that do not rise to national prominence seems to outweight a dubious "study" from an unknwoned source.
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Kate Perez
09:28 AM on 08/25/2012
I am of the same mind. They elderly white guys who grew up with absolute privilege are on the run, hence their desperation to return us all to the past. All this offensive, outrageous hating on women and women's reproductive parts is a sign of their rage at no longer feeling that they can control women's reproductive and sexual behavior. God has nothing to do with it.